How to go about meeting people?

[mariners2451]

I'm a 22yo bisexual virgin with literally no experience of physical interaction. I've never kissed anyone of either gender. I'm closeted minus some Internet forums like this one; no one I personally knows that I prefer men to women. I don't live on my own right now and can't afford to move out or anything, so it makes things incredibly difficult to interact with like-minded people.

I'm very picky when it comes to "my type" that I'm looking for, so I know that I'm making it that much harder on myself. I'm a masculine guy with mostly "straight" interests. For example, sports is pretty much my life. Being young and introverted, it's even tougher to find guys on the Internet. And living at home and being closeted, it's not easy to find a good-looking masculine guy.

Most people tell me how handsome and good-looking I am, but I've never capitalized on it in my life... not in middle school, not in high school, never.

I would imagine that most of the replies will tell me that I need to get out of the closet to some people and that I just have to put myself out there. I suppose I'm looking for an easier way out, for now. I'd like to meet some hot guys my age with similar interests, anything from skater to prep to jock to geek.

Knowing this information, what kind of advice can you guys give me? What questions do you need answered that I can help you give me the best advice?

I appreciate the replies. Thanks!

 

[Seasoned]

I read at least three themes in your post.

1 You are looking to hook up
2 You have no gay friends
3 You plan on remaining closeted for now

I realize you want/need to get laid, but I'm going to focus on the need for friends. We all need a support system. I don't know where you live, but some cities have LBGT sports clubs. There are all kinds of gay people.

My advice is that whatever you do regarding hook ups, it would be a great benefit to have gay/bi friends.

 

[attallaborn]

It was bitter sweet reading your posts for I, too, lived through what you’re experiencing for years. I will be blunt and to the point, YOU WILL BE LONELY IF YOU KEEP THIS UP. The reason I say that, again having experienced it, is that gay men work differently. No matter how hot you are or think you are, most gay men will not approach someone they think is straight, unless you are in a gay environment or put yourself OUT as gay.

1st there are not as many open gay men as we would like (10%, at best, of the population). And of these gay men, most despise closet cases and even if they found you attractive, they would not talk to you because of principles. 2nd I have found that many gay men are “queens.” By this, “queen” meaning that they usually think their shit don’t stink and are snooty, trendy, little drones. They stand around and pose and are the most unwelcoming group of people, EVER. My experiences with these gays have been mixed, for they are clickey and conceited. If you are waiting on one of them to talk to you, then you will be waiting for a prolonged period of time. 3rd other gay men are straight acting and or closeted. They are just like YOU and experience the most difficult time meeting other gays for fear of being discovered. I have found them to be cock teases and cowards when sealing the deal.

So, my advice to you would be to establish some independence, go out to neighboring states to gay things (clubs, etc) and try to meet gay people. If you sit around with all these conditions, you will be alone. And the longer you sit around inexperienced, the older you will get and TRUST ME (I don’t know how old you are) but I am assuming you are like younger than 22; you don’t want to reach 22 and not have ever been kissed. The older you get, the harder it will be for you to become intimate due to embarrassment. Make things happen for you. Being gay sucks and is not fair. You can say you’re mostly into girls all you want but if you were, then why haven’t you been intimate with someone? It is a hell of a lot easier to score with straight women than gay males. I would advise that if you are bi and happen to be more into women, go for women. And leave the gay life behind. If you are waiting for gay men to flock to you because you're hot, you will be hot and alone.

 

[Orlandude]

I would have to agree that your first order of "business" is to make some gay friends. Forget about being picky. Get out and meet some guys . They ARE out there, even in the bars. You just need to get out and mingle with people. You will make up your own mind who you want to befriend. Whether it's the clubs, bars or gay social/sports venues, don't go there with the idea of finding sex. Go there with the idea of meeting people. The others are right...avoid the "queenish attitude-laden" jaded types. You don't need their phony drama, you need some friends. It is also true that you may need to reach out and say hello first. Especially in the bar scene. I never understood it but so many people want to go to the bars and meet others, then they get in the bars and ignore everyone. That is so high school and immature...and over. When you meet those people, just walk away. Their loss. Even if the guy is not really your "type", say hello anyway...and a smile is always infectious.

Sounds like you are trying to put sex before everything else. With few exceptions, that doesn't work too well.

 

[Audio Tech]

It was bitter sweet reading your posts for I, too, lived through what you’re experiencing for years. I will be blunt and to the point, YOU WILL BE LONELY IF YOU KEEP THIS UP. The reason I say that, again having experienced it, is that gay men work differently. No matter how hot you are or think you are, most gay men will not approach someone they think is straight, unless you are in a gay environment or put yourself OUT as gay.

1st there are not as many open gay men as we would like (10%, at best, of the population). And of these gay men, most despise closet cases and even if they found you attractive, they would not talk to you because of principles. 2nd I have found that many gay men are “queens.” By this, “queen” meaning that they usually think their shit don’t stink and are snooty, trendy, little drones. They stand around and pose and are the most unwelcoming group of people, EVER. My experiences with these gays have been mixed, for they are clickey and conceited. If you are waiting on one of them to talk to you, then you will be waiting for a prolonged period of time. 3rd other gay men are straight acting and or closeted. They are just like YOU and experience the most difficult time meeting other gays for fear of being discovered. I have found them to be cock teases and cowards when sealing the deal.

So, my advice to you would be to establish some independence, go out to neighboring states to gay things (clubs, etc) and try to meet gay people. If you sit around with all these conditions, you will be alone. And the longer you sit around inexperienced, the older you will get and TRUST ME (I don’t know how old you are) but I am assuming you are like younger than 22; you don’t want to reach 22 and not have ever been kissed. The older you get, the harder it will be for you to become intimate due to embarrassment. Make things happen for you. Being gay sucks and is not fair. You can say you’re mostly into girls all you want but if you were, then why haven’t you been intimate with someone? It is a hell of a lot easier to score with straight women than gay males. I would advise that if you are bi and happen to be more into women, go for women. And leave the gay life behind. If you are waiting for gay men to flock to you because you're hot, you will be hot and alone.

I'll just quote the above because I too have been there. Just till wayyy later in life. And it was my own damn fault!

Listen to the advice or be prepared to live a lonely and miserable life. Unfortunately this IS the way it is for us. You are at the perfect age to accept yourself and live your life. It takes balls, but the alternative is worse. MUCH worse.

 

[coldsweat]

Are you willing/able to work for money?

Your number one priority should be to generate enough income in order to move out. At your age there are plenty of jobs out there that pay well enough to at least struggle a bit on your own.


Your decision to not come out of the closet combined with still living at home is going to leave you with little to no options.

Oh and the quicker you get at least some physical contact with another gay individual the sooner you're going to lose this distorted worship of straight guys.

 

[mariners2451]

Are you willing/able to work for money?

Your number one priority should be to generate enough income in order to move out. At your age there are plenty of jobs out there that pay well enough to at least struggle a bit on your own.


Your decision to not come out of the closet combined with still living at home is going to leave you will little to no options.

Oh and the quicker you get at least some physical contact with another gay individual you're going to have this distorted worship of straight guys.

I am working to make income, but I don't see myself as a 9-5 sort of person. I would rather save up and take my chances doing what I'm doing now than work a 9-5 job. I realize it's a sacrifice that I have to make and that my situation is a choice of my own. I hope to be able to move out soon, but it'll depend on my success.

As for the whole distorted worship of straight guys thing, it's just that they are the type that I have the most in common with and admire the most. I know there are plenty of gay and bi guys out there that fit a more straight guy stereotype, who are athletic, competitive, love sports and aren't flamboyant and effeminate. But there's no doubt that those sort of characteristics are more common in straight guys than in the gay community. You know what I mean?

 

[coldsweat]

I am working to make income, but I don't see myself as a 9-5 sort of person. I would rather save up and take my chances doing what I'm doing now than work a 9-5 job. I realize it's a sacrifice that I have to make and that my situation is a choice of my own. I hope to be able to move out soon, but it'll depend on my success.

As for the whole distorted worship of straight guys thing, it's just that they are the type that I have the most in common with and admire the most. I know there are plenty of gay and bi guys out there that fit a more straight guy stereotype, who are athletic, competitive, love sports and aren't flamboyant and effeminate. But there's no doubt that those sort of characteristics are more common in straight guys than in the gay community. You know what I mean?

I know what you mean. But the sheer fact that you've never even been intimate with a gay guy suggests that you have this 'idealized' vision of straight guys because you've never given yourself a chance to feel about a gay guy the way you feel about straight guys.
Once you cross that line, you may still think straight guys are hot, but you won't have this (incorrect) rosy image of the 'straight guy'.


Oh and honestly about the job....c'mon now There are plenty of paying jobs that aren't 9-5. Even waiting tables at a decent restaurant you can work 30 or less hours a week, work at night and still make enough to live on your own.
Even if you're some artist, musician, web designer that thinks you just need your 'big break' then you can finally move out and pay your bills, you have to move into reality first.

And clearly since you aren't making that much of an effort, you'd rather just rub one out when you get any sort of sexual feeling and just move on.

Trust, that'll get old quick

You seem to be looking for a hot, clandestine hookup with a hot, hunky, young collegiate stud with no strings attached. Sorry, but that's usually reserved for the porn.



Also, you seem to have this very black and white image of what it means to be straight or gay. When you get older you will see that men run the gamut from effeminate straight men to overly butch gay men.
When you actually spend time amongst a large group of gay men you will start to see that they come in many flavors and straight guys (aside from the random hottie), lose their novelty when you actually find sexy, articulate gay men who share your interests.

 

[mariners2451]

I know what you mean. But the sheer fact that you've never even been intimate with a gay guy suggests that you have this 'idealized' vision of straight guys because you've never given yourself a chance to feel about a gay guy the way you feel about straight guys.
Once you cross that line, you may still think straight guys are hot, but you won't have this (incorrect) rosy image of the 'straight guy'.

It's more that I've just been indifferent about relationships. It just has never been a priority of mine to be intimate with anyone, bet it male or female.

Oh and honestly about the job....c'mon now There are plenty of paying jobs that aren't 9-5. Even waiting tables at a decent restaurant you can work 30 or less hours a week, work at night and still make enough to live on your own.
Even if you're some artist, musician, web designer that thinks you just need your 'big break' then you can finally move out and pay your bills, you have to move into reality first.

Trust me when I say that I am working very hard to make money doing what I do. I'm making sacrifices to be successful in my field of work, but my hard work and dedication will hopefully pay off =)

You seem to be looking for a hot, clandestine hookup with a hot, hunky, young collegiate stud with no strings attached. Sorry, but that's usually reserved for the porn.

I'm really not looking for a hookup. I wouldn't mind a hookup with someone to just fool around and kinda gain experience, but I would definitely like a relationship with someone that I like. It's more about personality and common interests than it is about looks. I want friendship and companionship, not just a hookup, depending on the guy. I just figure that getting the chance to fool around with someone not interested in a relationship could be fun, just to feed the horniness and have some physical fun for once, no strings attached. I know there are ways to go about doing that. With the right person though, I would definitely like to take it slow.

 

[coldsweat]

Trust me when I say that I am working very hard to make money doing what I do. I'm making sacrifices to be successful in my field of work, but my hard work and dedication will hopefully pay off =)

Great, then things are probably going to go the same for you until you reach success. Not having things as fundamental as financial independence just contribute to the difficulty you're experiencing.




Oh btw, I've met most if not all of my boyfriends/friends at school and or my job.

 

[mariners2451]

Great, then things are probably going to go the same for you until you reach success. Not having things as fundamental as financial independence just contribute to the difficulty you're experiencing.

Yup, I def realize that. Thanks for the replies.

 

[slnattak]

I'm curious to see how 'sporty' this guy really is. You know I hear a lot of talk from some gay men how not-stereotypical they are and stuff, and how they love sports but in all reality they are really more 'in the middle' and have just as many stereotypical 'gay' interests as 'straight' ones.

So can we see a pic or hear your voice? I'm just curious. And are you really bisexual or are you just saying that to cover up being a pure gay?

You mention 'geek' with jock and skater punk. Kinda different lifestyles don't you think? I'm a gay geek/gay nerd mostly, with a bit of punk thrown in....anyways I'm introverted too. I'd love to get to know you maybe. I'm single. ;p

 

[slnattak]

Knowing this information, what kind of advice can you guys give me?

Bend over and let me plow that marine ass. You're whining too much when we could be having a fun time.

 

[erobert]

"I'm curious to see how 'sporty' this guy really is. You know I hear a lot of talk from some gay men how not-stereotypical they are and stuff, and how they love sports but in all reality they are really more 'in the middle' and have just as many stereotypical 'gay' interests as 'straight' ones."

I'm a member of realjock.com and trust me when I say this, there are definitely gay "jocks" out there who love sports and the guys who play them. There's an entire spectrum of gay guys out there. You'll learn this once you move to a major city and start dating.

Speaking of which don't wait too long to move out. Find some roommates and move to a city. Even if you're close to your parents it can get annoying living with them after a certain age and adds extra stress and isolation you don't need. Most young gay guys can't wait to move out as that's where other like minded guys are. You'll meet gay guys everywhere you go in the city and experience some self growth, I can not say enough good things about living in an urban area.

I'm 24 and never dated anyone. I've realized I was waiting for my savings account to reach five or six figures until I move out. I would be waiting for a long time and I've missed out on a lot. Like Steve Wonder says you need just enough for the city. I'm willing to sacrifice some things now for my independence. Sad but true a lot of gay guys would be reluctant to date a guy who's graduated from college and still lives at home. The sooner you move out the better.

I know the economy is bad and rent can be expensive in the city but a lot of young people who make it work.

Hope that helps and good luck.

 

[mariners2451]

I'm curious to see how 'sporty' this guy really is. You know I hear a lot of talk from some gay men how not-stereotypical they are and stuff, and how they love sports but in all reality they are really more 'in the middle' and have just as many stereotypical 'gay' interests as 'straight' ones.

So can we see a pic or hear your voice? I'm just curious. And are you really bisexual or are you just saying that to cover up being a pure gay?

You mention 'geek' with jock and skater punk. Kinda different lifestyles don't you think? I'm a gay geek/gay nerd mostly, with a bit of punk thrown in....anyways I'm introverted too. I'd love to get to know you maybe. I'm single. ;p

I'm definitely a natural athlete. I would say that I'm bisexual because I prefer a dick in a pussy over a dick in a guy's ass. I'm more sexually attracted to guys and imagine that a relationship with guys would trump that of a relationship with girls. When it comes to intercourse, the thought and sight of dick in pussy just seems better. While I am more turned on by guys, I have no problem getting off to girls, either.

Shoot me a PM, maybe we can talk.



erobert, I appreciate the reply.

 

[mariners2451]

Ultimately, I think what you're truly asking for in this thread is "how do I accept what I am and how do I understand that part of myself better." The only way to do that is to learn for yourself what being a gay/bisexual man means to you and finding people who think the same.

I wish you luck with it, the journey to self acceptance and coming out isn't easy, but it's also not the horror movie most of us fear it will be inside our own heads.

Thanks for the reply raven. I think what I'm really asking is, "how can I meet guys without changing my current lifestyle?", and I think I know already that it's impossible. I just figured maybe someone would come along with a magical piece of wisdom. I accept myself for who I am, and it would be tremendously easier to move on with my life if I did live on my own. Right now, I'm really focusing most on my job. I don't want a job that I hate or don't look forward to doing. So right now, I'm trying to make it doing something that I love. I'm sacrificing romantic relationships and even friendships by trying this, but I know it will be worth it if and when I succeed. Once I have more freedom, a lot of my questions and problems regarding meeting guys will be solved. I suppose I was just looking for some advice from people that are or were in similar scenarios, that had the holy grail of a solution for me.