How to hit on a neighbor?

[saymyname]

So, I have a somewhat new crush. The last guy I talked about in my last thread, I still like him, but he canceled our plans for a second date and never called to reschedule (said he would) and other than a tiny text conversation, I haven't heard from him, which isn't surprising since all my friends told me he is kind of flaky. I'm thinking of calling him though and just asking what the deal is - any advice on that situation is appreciated too. I could either not call at all, or call and be like, "you never called to reschedule, which confuses me because I thought we both had a good time last time, and I'd like to hang out with you again, and you told me you were actually sick and not just canceling because of apprehension, so... what's your deal"? I dunno what to do there.

But as for the other situation. My downstairs neighbor is super hot. He literally lives in the studio apt below mine. I see him sometimes when I'm going down the stairs cause he'll either be coming out of his place at the same time, or he leaves the door open. Today we saw each other and said hi. We've only talked one other time besides that, when I mistakenly thought he was a friend (it was dark out) coming to my apt and waiting on the wrong floor so I said "second floor" and he looked up and I realized it was someone else and apologized... I've seen another gay looking guy leaving his place once, and the night I said "second floor" he was going into his place with this REALLY preppy looking blonde girl.

He's cute and really well dressed, a bit on the femme/soft side... I think he very well could be gay, but I don't know how to say anything to him. Keep in mind I live in a big city with a very east-coast vibe (well, it is east coast) meaning that strangers generally don't talk to each other unless it is in a social context like a bar or a party. How can I make an excuse to talk to him?S Should I just go down without a shirt on (I look fucking great with my shirt off lately) and ask to 'borrow some sugar'??

 

[Seasoned]

Guy 1. Send a message telling him you are still interested in getting together. Suggest a date and let him know if that doesn't work he should feel free to suggest another. Don't ask him what the deal is.

Guy 2. I'd be either totally obvious or totally subtle and I'm not even sure upon wha. I am basing those suggestions. Does he order in? If so you might run down and tell him you noticed he ordered from______and you are about to do the same. Would he be interested in splitting something. The shirtless idea works for me if you wish to be obvious.

 

[saymyname]

Haha thanks for the ideas. I might go with the shirtless one. It's just risky because if I hit on him and it turns out he's NOT gay, I've got months of awkward neighborness to look forward to.

How come you think I should continue to pursue the other guy, even if he's not holding up his end of the deal?

 

[LoveIsNow]

Guy 1: Just don't touch the situation. If he wants to call, he'll call. I'm of the mindset that everyone has to like me even, perhaps especially, if I don't like them, but even I had to learn that if someone wants to call, he'll call.

Guy 2: If it were me, I'd just invite him kayaking, canoeing if he's totally flimsy - maybe say I was supposed to go with someone else but he backed out, the point being something not totally datelike, but private and with a chance to talk. That should be enough time to find out if he's gay and put any necessary moves on him. I personally wouldn't respond to the shirtless thing (down South, we go shirtless rather a lot so I would just think the guy was a redneck), so it isn't something I'd do.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Hey, Saymyname!

Guy1: A friend once said something that I've always remembered. I hope these words can answer your feelings: "I've known from experience that if you have to ask for something more than once or twice, well, it wasn't worth it in the first place. And that's hard to accept when you love someone, and you're led to believe in the moment of need that they want what you want but they don't."

Guy2: The shirt idea is one way to do it, although you might make him bashful and get a mixed signal. I would recommend getting to know his schedule first before doing so. Mark down the times you see him going in and out so you have an idea when to go downstairs.

Here are a list of suggestions, and you can choose one you would think would appropriately fit your situation:

1. Order-in a generic pizza and knock on his door to offer him a half of the pizza by saying the pizza place mistakingly gave you a larger pizza than you needed. Offering anyone first choice at free food is very complimenting.

2. Decide to move some furniture around your apartment, and ask him (shirtless) if it was possible if he could come upstairs real quick and help you move this couch. After the two of you are sweaty, offer him a drink to prolong his stay and allow for small chat. This will give you an opportunity to ask if he'd ever like to "hang out" sometime for a movie or some other bs.

3. Buy tickets to an event most people would be interested in a few days in advance (comedy show, movie, etc.). Knock on his door and said your friend bailed on you and you have this extra ticket since none of your other friends were available to go. Indicate you don't want to go alone and you'll pay the whole way and see what happens.

4. If passing each other in the hall, say you're getting ready to buy something important (furniture, TV, etc.) and wanted to know his opinion on what choices he thinks would be best. Appealing to a guy's expertise can be flattering to him. It's a good conversation opener. And when you get the item, you can invite him upstairs to come see it, and how well it works for you. This will allow you to offer him a drink, prolong conversation, and ask if he wants to hang out.

Do any of these sound like viable options for you?

 

[saymyname]

Seems like there is mixed feelings about the guy-not-calling situation... I'm not sure... I feel like I don't really have a lot to lose BY calling him... if he turns me down, so what? It's not like he was giving a TOTALLY clear signal that he's not interested. Maybe he's just not interested in dating. I'm thinking of calling and asking him if he wants to hang out, and making it pretty clear to him if we do hang out (or on the phone) that I am pretty much open for whatever. Meaning, maybe he's just looking for sex... which I would be fine with... so I should at least let him know that.

For the neighbor... wow! So many ideas. I can't invite him kayaking as there is no place to do that around here (haha and that is soo random)... shirtless isn't associated with redneck way up here in Quebec... it would just look sexy... but it might look put on, it is getting colder out...

Justbelieve, you do have some good ideas... The pizza idea is great. The furniture idea is GREAT - problem is, I have no furniture besides a bed ( ) right now... but maybe that will motivate me to getting around to finding some.

The ticket idea is a great idea too. I'm broke, so it'd be a bit of a gamble, but it's worth considering. I could buy a ticket to like, one of the big dance party or rave kind of nights here (sometimes you need a ticket) and ask if he wants to come..

The fourth idea is good too, I just really do need to get furniture and stuff... the other thing is, I never use the hallway, we both use our front doors I think...

I wish I could have a better idea of when he is coming/going as to bump into each other more, but I pretty much come and go as I please, so it'd be hard to keep an eye out for it... neighbors in this city are never (ever) friendly, so I'll have to get creative, people are very into sticking to themselves (which I totally understand, too).

 

[blogthissucker]

I'm pretty sure Guy 1 isn't interested. It would be nice if it were normal for people to be direct, but it's not, and by trying to clear things up you'll be the one who breaks with social norms and comes off as the weirdo.

I was going to suggest passing the guy in the hall with a case of beer and offering him one, but then I read Justbelieve's furniture idea. That one's pretty sick.

I have a new idea, but it seems kind of... deceitful. Like the kind of thing a manipulative girl might do, haha. Ok it goes like this: invite a friend who's never visited your apartment before over, and give him your neighbour's apartment number. Your neighbour will presumably be able to figure out who your friend is looking for and direct him, and a day or two later you can go by with a few beers to apologize for the inconvenience. If you bring enough beer, he'll hopefully invite you in to share one, but if he doesn't you can always get his name - point out that he knows yours (since your friend asked for you by name) but that you don't know his.

 

[saymyname]

Okay, so here is an update on things, for those that are interested and follow my threads.

Guy 1: I called him on Friday and left him a voicemail asking if he wanted to hang out. I didn't hear from him all weekend so I decided to forget about him. Then, today, I get a call from him, my phone was on silent so I didn't hear it, another call, then I got the voicemail. He said that he was really busy this weekend which is why he couldn't call back (but didn't exactly apologize or sound too bad about it). But he invited me to an art show tonight. So I called him back and decided to go meet him. It was nice. We still flirted a bit and god he is gorgeous. He told me that I should be a model because I'm so beautiful blah blah blah. The night was really nice until he ended up telling me that he is going to meet his ex. I knew since I met him that he still has issues with his ex, who recently moved back to the city from Paris. I asked if they are getting back together and he said he doesn't know. I said, well, that kind of sucks, because I liked our little dates together... and he said yeah, they were nice. And I said well we can still be friends. And he kind of hinted at a we'll see what happens kind of thing. Then he invited me to a party he's having and we made vague plans for next weekend.

Not gonna get too involved in that situation if his ex just moved back. Maybe be friends and see what happens.

I still haven't hit on my neighbor, I need to see him more often...

The other interesting thing is, my ex and I are back on good terms again, which will be shocking for anyone that read the last thread I made about him. But basically, his roommate, who I'm friends with, invited me to go out on Friday night, so I decided I'd meet up with him. So I go to meet him (my ex's roomie) and my ex is there, with him. I'm like, wait a minute. So I say hello to my ex's roomie while this drag performance is going on, and he says to me "You can say hi to him, I told him you were coming, he said it's okay," so I said hi, and then we actually... started talking. This is after THREE months of no talking, except for one night when we argued in a street after the club let out.

So I guess we made up. I asked him if he was dating anyone and he isn't, and he asked me, and I said no not really. Mostly the conversation the entire night (from 11 till around 3 AM) was very light, fun. A few moments where I got into stuff with him, but ended it at a good time. I asked him if he missed me and he said no, not anymore, it's been five months, and don't tell me you miss me either 'cause you don't... and I was like... I do, sometimes... (the truth is I miss him all the time, or at least, hanging out with him). He said he isn't repressing things anymore and that he has just moved on. I told him that's good, but then I told him, I really loved you, you know. And he was like, no way, really!? All sarcastic. And I said yeah... did you love me? Really? And he said hmm, I think, maybe, I'm not sure, I think just a LITTLE BIT! all sarcastic again. And I told him that it's just that when someone moves on so easily, it makes it feel like they didn't love you. And I told him, maybe you'll understand that when you're 22 and not 18...

That part hurt a bit, but it's okay, I'm glad we're back on good terms. There were a few things he said that were inconsistent, like that the guy he rebounded with (reason we stopped talking), they broke up because they realized they were only hanging out with each other because they were lonely... so I was essentially right, it was a classic rebound. I didn't ask anything about if we'd ever date again but it was obvious that we were still flirting... at one point he told me about how he recently went to a sauna and had sex with a bunch of guys and got a minor STI and I put my arms around him and said "What happened to the sweet, innocent boy I knew?" and he smiled and said "I'm living my youth!" and I said "I know..."

When I asked his roommate if he ever talks about me, he hesitated for a while, it seemed like he wasn't sure what to say... and then he said, "No..." it was really awkward, the hesitation, like he was holding something back, and I'm not sure if I should bring it up again or just keep things on a friend level as they are and let them unfold as they may. We're definitely not ready to get back together - not even close - but it'd be nice to know if there is something going on BESIDES coincidentally running into each other through a mutual friend and deciding to be nice to each other. I hope we can be actual friends in the coming months and maybe eventually we'd fall back in love, who knows.