How to know if a guy is gay?

[skaterboi]

Bear249, he sounds gay to me, but since I started this post, who am I to judge?

The guy I'm talking about it works at a McDonalds, and sometimes he'll give me extra stuff or free stuff, he remembers me and talks to me, and sort of jokes with me. I just can't tell if he's being friendly or friendly, you know?

Wowsers, I think everyone here wants to read your story.

Not read the full thread got to this and thought of what you can do.

Ok do you know what type of things hes into? For example likes going to local gigs, clubbing, skating etc are you into anything that hes into? (hope so!) if yes then next time you're talking with him drop in that you and some of your friends are going to do X activity this weekend, go on further to say "hey, you and some of your mates should come" this gives him the chance to meet up with you outside of him being at work.
I'm not saying that if he agrees to come he has the hots for you, or anything like that but its the first step into becoming friends with him and some of his friends, get to know him better. You'll soon be able to judge if hes interested in you as a friend or as more than that.
And if he just wants to be friends, don't worry theirs other fish in the sea and you've just made yourself some new friends to hang about with.

 

[jimminychricket]

Hey yea thats great advise!

I find it easy to just say something retoricaly and then they will actually end up reacting on it and you don't have to actually say it yourself. So you save yourself the embarrasment.

 

[proly1234]

Mine is a very weird situation. I had a fling with this guy in school for about 2 months. It was initiated by him all the time and I kind of succumbed. I wonder if that made me gay! I recently met him after a long gap of 8 yrs. I came out to him and asked him abt his orientation. He blatantly told me that hez 'okay' now eventhough he had these 'gayish' feelings initially. He even suggested me to try to change my orientation and that it is not difficult at all if we work hard on it.

We continue to meet regularly and I kinda feel he likes hanging out with me. He stares at me sometimes and when I stare back he becomes self aware and turns away. He holds my hands sometimes..may be unconsciously. I donno what the hell is with him. He is confusing me big time. The worst part is that, in this due course I started having feelings for him. I am trying to get over them but I wonder if hez alright now. I keep questioning myself this all the time. How can he be straight?

I can also tell u that we are from a country where such things are considered blasphemous and both of us are doing well in terms of our careers. I wonder if hez succumbed to the society and wants to follow it rather than defy it.

I am totally confused. What do u think I should do? Right now I am trying to get over him but it is very difficult. Also, hez leaving the country in a few months and he doesn't know when he will be back. That is kinda stinging me as well.

Guys help me out here.

 

[Riverrick]

proly1234, I think you're right. It sounds like he has succombed to the safety of staying in line with society and being straight. My guess is that he will only be heartache for you.

He's leaving soon. I wouldn't pursue it. Good luck!

 

[Riverrick]

The best thing, really, is to never allow yourself to develop feelings for any guy whether he is straight, bi, or gay - until you are absolutely CERTAIN that he has developed feelings for you. The only way to be absolutely certain is, if he tells you he has feelings for you. If you don't hear him say that specifically, don't allow yourself to develop feelings for him. If you do, you are headed in the direction of emotional pain later on. I have made that mistake over and over again, and to develop feelings for a guy is to put yourself in a dangerous, vulnerable position. Just keep it very light.

Well, that reminds me of Simon and Garfunkel's song:

Dont talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
Its sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.

I am a Rock,
I am an Island
And a Rock feels no pain;
And an Island never cries.

​

 

[proly1234]

Thanks Riverrick. I have decided to move on. I know it will be difficult but hey my happiness is the utmost priority at this point of my life. I know I will never be in a relationship at least in this country. May be I should travel to the more free world to fall in love.

I also like the other principle, never build feelings for any one unless u are sure that they will be reciprocated!