how to not feel jealous

[sureaaa]

Is there any good way to let go jealous feeling for your partners? I hate this feeling but dont know how to deal with it.

My boyfriend talked to a guy online for long time and they hung out for a dinner last week. Since then, they seem to have talked on facebook or phone msg almost everyday.( my boyfriend allows me to read his msgs) there was a time when he texted my boyfriend 2am in a bar ("come save me"). This guy knows my boyfriend is taken.

I talked about this with my boyfriend and he assured me I should never feel threatened. I dont really feel that way. I'm totally fine with his any intimate time with his close friends but he only hangs out with this guy for only one time. I totally trust my boyfriend and I know I shouldn't interfere his private social life.

Now, I know I should let it go but I just feel a little bit uncomfortable. I really hate myself being narrow minded. Any good advices on how to let this feeling go. Thanks guys.

 

[anchihiro]

Sounds like its not jealously that you're feeling but insecurity. Do you really trust your boyfriend?

Perhaps its time that you met this other man.

 

[vforvendetta]

Sometimes you just have to try to let it go - your boyfriend has friends, some of who may try to tempt him. You have to trust him that he'll do the right thing in situations which he may have alternative options. The last thing you want to do though, is come across as insecure or mistrusting, especially when he's said that you shouldn't feel that way.

 

[sureaaa]

Sounds like its not jealously that you're feeling but insecurity. Do you really trust your boyfriend?

Perhaps its time that you met this other man.

I dont know whether I should call it insecurity or not because I'm very sure my boyfriend loves me and I dont worry on his side. He is a very nice person so I wont require him not to keep in touch with that guy. I have no problem that they are friends. I just feel uncomfortable that guy contact my boyfriend so frequently. It seems that he starts a conversation once my boyfriends log in facebook.

Now the problem is my boyfriend dont think it is a big deal and I shouldnt feel threatened. However, I dont feel threatened but just uncomfortable.

Is it a good idea? But I dont really feel I want to meet this guy.

Thank you for your suggestion.

 

[sureaaa]

I dont think I'm on the last step...lol...

That's my question: how to let it go: shopping, eating and work crazily? lol

Sometimes you just have to try to let it go - your boyfriend has friends, some of who may try to tempt him. You have to trust him that he'll do the right thing in situations which he may have alternative options. The last thing you want to do though, is come across as insecure or mistrusting, especially when he's said that you shouldn't feel that way.

 

[vforvendetta]

I dont know whether I should call it insecurity or not because I'm very sure my boyfriend loves me and I dont worry on his side. He is a very nice person so I wont require him not to keep in touch with that guy. I have no problem that they are friends. I just feel uncomfortable that guy contact my boyfriend so frequently. It seems that he starts a conversation once my boyfriends log in facebook.

Now the problem is my boyfriend dont think it is a big deal and I shouldnt feel threatened. However, I dont feel threatened but just uncomfortable.

You do feel threatened - that's what's causing your discomfort. I think it might be useful to meet the other guy, if not only to show him that your boyfriend is taken. (the presence alone will do the job...no need to take any kind of provocative actions, which may severely backfire).

I dont think I'm on the last step...lol...

That's my question: how to let it go: shopping, eating and work crazily? lol

Really it depends on the person....I've been lucky to never have this issue, but I would probably just try doing more things with my boyfriend if you felt the other guy was being somewhat invasive. He can't be talking with your boyfriend if you're doing something else, right? Kills 'two birds with one stone'.

 

[dhchitown1984]

It seems as though your boyfriend is willing to keep his friendship with this guy rather transparent in that he lets you read his messages.

Meeting him will definitely help things out - in the very least, it creates a visual representation of your relationship for this other friend (in the event that there could be a desire to start something, which from your explanation is something I wouldn't worry about), but it also creates a visualization for you... you'll know who this "friend" is as opposed to just knowing him as this "mystery friend."

How long have you two been dating? Even when in a relationship, I've had my very good friends text me when they're out at the bar with "come save me." It doesn't mean anything other than that there's some guy who's probably hitting on the friend and he's looking for someone to walk in and pull him out of the conversation. I've been the person too send that text and I've been the person to receive it. I've never sent or received it in anything other than a playful manner.

 

[Horschallen]

It is never a comfortable feeling. Try trusting him and enjoy the attention he is still showering on you. I wish I have better answers than these above.

 

[Seasoned]

2AM? Really? And this from an online relationship? I wouldn't accept that from my partner and we've been together 28 years. Do you have friends he doesn't know? I don't believe in anything goes relationships and neither does my partner, so maybe it's about finding someone compatible or someone who is willing to not make his bf uncomfortable.

 

[sureaaa]

This is not an online relationship and maybe it can be called online friendship. He chatted with this guy for a long time and just hung out once. He is very extrovert and nice so he wont stop talking to this guy because he thinks that guy is nice and worth making friends. I knew he met this guy for dinner and I had no problem for this at all, even didnt think about for one second. But what happened next made me feel uncomfortable.

I will never intervene his private social life. But I need to express my feeling to him. Last night we had a talk. He doesnt think that guy had a crush on him and promised he would stop it once this guy show any sign of crossing the boundary. However, he will still hang out with him like going for a bicycle ride sometimes and talk to him as frequently.

We trust each other and he said he wouldn't want to hide anything from me. He is very considerate and care about my feelings. We are very compatible and maybe that's why I treasure this relationship so much and take it very seriously.

I have friends that he doesn't know but not this kind: talk to him on facebook everyday and text him from a bar when they have only met once.

Now, I think maybe I just over analyze it. What I have to do is to just swallow this feeling and let it go. Maybe everything will be fine after a while.

Thank you for your reply!

2AM? Really? And this from an online relationship? I wouldn't accept that from my partner and we've been together 28 years. Do you have friends he doesn't know? I don't believe in anything goes relationships and neither does my partner, so maybe it's about finding someone compatible or someone who is willing to not make his bf uncomfortable.

 

[sureaaa]

Hey guys. Thanks for your opinions. I came to a closure about this issue with my boyfriend. There are some misunderstanding there that he never expects to make me feel so uncomfortable. I think it's unreasonable to require him to put off with this guy and I dont want to set a bad precedent but he will not stay close with this guy. I will tell him whenever I feel uncomfortable.

The talking is so important! lol