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How to start the 'coming out conversation'?

B

BritBoy1989

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Hey, I want to come out, but I have no idea how I would even start the conversation or bring it up. Any tips? (I think I'm gonna come out to my parents first). Thanks :)
 
"so, you might have noticed that ive been assfucking you these past few weeks..."

no, wait, youre talking parents here. ok:

"guys. there is something important i need to tell you."

its not really all that important what you say. its more important to find a good moment (and to not let it pass you by when it arrives).

i think starting with your parents is a great idea! good luck!
 
Haha, thanks :) I'm gonna try and not make it into some massive event, maybe just do it when we're sat watching TV or something. Hmm dunno D:
 
Well when my Mom kept bugging me why I haven't ask anyone out I told her "I did, he rejected me."

Just do simple yet elegant things, like lingering on a guy while y'all are out or comment on a guy. If its your parents they most likely already know, especially mothers. >.>
 
BritBoy1989 said:
Haha, thanks :) I'm gonna try and not make it into some massive event, maybe just do it when we're sat watching TV or something. Hmm dunno D:
Click to expand...

If a good looking guy is on screen while you're watching TV, just say "I'd do him". That should get the point across.
 
Hey there BritBoy!

Congratulations on wanting to have such an important conversation with your family.

As far as your conversation with your parents go, I think there's a few important things to remember...

1. Be blunt. Don't say "I think about guys a lot" or "I think guys are attractive" or "You know, in life today sexuality is so fluid and non-defined... blah blah blah." I think it's best to state it as a fact. Just say, "I'm gay." That way, there's no error in communication, they can't think you meant something else.

2. Be prepared for both reactions.... good and bad. You think you know how your parents will react. You're assuming they will either take it well, or take it poorly. Be ready for both reactions, and be prepared for your parents to have different reactions amongst themselves.

3. Remember that this is something you've known for a while, and you've taken the time to really put together the words to describe who you are and how you feel. You're going into the conversation ready to have it.... they won't be. You will have to give them time to collect their thoughts and opinions.... it's taken you a long time to accept this fact, give them some time to adjust as well.

4. It may be awkward the first time you talk to your parents AFTER you come out. (Granted, that depends on their reaction). Get the awkward moments over with if you think you're going to have them. I came out to my parents on a Tuesday. That Saturday, I knew I'd be driving past their house so I called when I was near and asked if I could stop by to say hi. I did, it was awkward small talk, but it was over with. The following weekend, they called me inviting me over for dinner, and we've been OK since.

Be strong, put together the words that work best for you. Let us know how it goes!!
 
I agree with dhchitown, be blunt, so as to avoid confusion. I like this gem from QAF:

I like dick. I wanna get fucked by dick. I wanna suck dick. I like sucking dick, and I'm good at it too.
Click to expand...

Also, if you still live at home, my advice would be to tell your best friend first and make sure it's okay to use him/her as a safety net, a place to spend the night, if things go horribly wrong (my safety net was Las Vegas).

Whatever you do, do not come out:

a) by introducing your family to your boyfriend.
b) at a large family gathering
c) by using my suggested line from QAF, unless they just aren't getting that you love cock (also don't say you love cock)

Lastly, if you do live at home, always be sure to clear your browser history and make sure the door is locked. You do not want your parents to walk in on you rubbing one out to a good old ass banging romp.
 
Thanks guys, think I'm gonna do it tomorrow evening over/ after dinner while we are all sat together. Can't stress enough how much you guys, and the community as a whole, are helping me out right now. And Dhchitown1984, those are some great tips! I'll be sure to bear them in mind :) If all else fails, I'll just try the QAF quote ;) haha, I'll let you all know how I get on once I've made the jump, again, thanks so much to all of you! xxx
 
I am in the same boat with you. I am not out to my parents. I am out to a few of my closest friends though. I still live with my parents as well. My parents are in bad health. my dad has very bad back and leg pain and my mother has been through numerous knee surgeries along with other health problems.

I am actually dating a guy right now of 2 months and I feel like we have something extremely special. He is completely out and his parents love me. His parents are actually sending us on a weekend beach trip for his graduation in a couple weeks! I feel it's about time for me to come out.

Please continue the advice, it's extremely helpful! :)
 
Hi BritBoy and BiGuy,
I came out to my mom on April 12th of this year. So far, a handful of friends know, my sister and now my mom. I'm 41 and in some regards it was easier at my age and in other regards it wasn't.

My advice is to be blunt as well. After getting the nerve up, I told my mom that I had a secret that was killing me and that I've kept it for almost all my life. I asked her if I told her, would she be ok. The next thing I said was "I'm gay."

Remember, nothing about you has changed. If people love you for who you are, nothing will change deep down. On the outside, it has taken you this long to accept yourself and to understand what makes you and you shouldn't expect others to understand so soon. My therapist told me something that really makes sense. He said that I shouldn't come out for the sake of coming out or to please anyone. The coming out process, he said, should be something that is done when you are ready and you have finally accepted yourself within.

I think everyone is different in their situation. There isn't a set formula to coming out. Have you thought of coming out to one parent at a time? You can judge the reaction and gain support before moving on to the next parent.

Last thing... expect some questions. I was prepared but my mom didn't really ask anything much.

I hope the best for you. Keep us posted.
 
I came out July last year... I was 24... I'd just had surgery to remove a plate & 5 pins from my left wrist (motor bike accident 1830Hrs Aug 26 '09 being the reason I ended up w/- the bloody things for 12Mths...) My parents had come up to stay w/- me, I'd moved interstate (1'500Km) away from home June '09 for a new job & partly, a fresh beginning to seal & condem my painful past to history... hence one door closed, a new beginning began.

I'd been browsing the net on my laptop... I had to go to the GP as I was concerned abt the appearance of the wound, so I minimised said window w/- 2 tabs (Tab 1:- Manhunt, Tab 2:- GayMatchMaker), openned another & closed the lid... a short time later that afternoon while my father was out my mother came across & sat on my bed. (I Live in a studio appartment/batchlor pad, cramped enough when it's just me, worse still when it's me & my family (Mum, Dad & Older Brother) have come to stay.)

Mum opened w/- the line... "I think we need to have a little discussion..."
"I was using your laptop earlier, a certain filthy site popped up... So are you a homosexuial?" (She'd suspected for a while, she'd found pornographic material in my bedside table draw since I was 15/16, porn playing on PC the next morning when I'd dozed off overnite (I used to say it were a virus from hotmail lol :-P )

So I eventually decided their was no point hiding any more & confirmed her suspiousions I was Gay. I won't say she took it easierly, ae she didn't!

The next obvisious q'ton she asked was none other then "Have you been, or are you in a homosexuial relationship?" I told her no. The truth is, I've been w/- my current boyfriend 15Mths on July 2. We met on Good Fri. April 2 '10.
Gathering how she took me coming out, I thought it best that my BF was best left in the closet for the time being, I'm 25, he's 37, So abt 11Yrs diffrence.

My older Brother (30Yrs old) has met my bf once ((Syd Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras Volenteer Rego Nite)) he didn't seem overly phased, if anything I expected him to react rather badly when I first came out & when he met my BF, as I sorta just told him the nite before abt us, then dumped it on him the next nite @ the NMG Info Session ;-)
 
Be as matter of fact as you can. "Mom, dad, it's time I've told you something I've known since _____. I'm gay."
 
Okay guys, I have a problem. I was building up to doing it, when suddenly one of my friends cousins comes out gay. He's kind of a friend or at least an acquaintance of a lot of people I know, and it's really thrown me off course. Should I wait, or just go ahead and do it myself anyway? I don't want people to think that I'm jumping on board some kind of band wagon :S
 
There's no reason not to... remember, coming out is about YOU, and nobody else.

When you come out to your friends, if they bring it up, make light of it... "must be something in the water!"

I only went by two pieces of advice as it relates to timing for coming out: 1) Not when you are financially dependent on your parents (food/shelter/education); and 2) Not right around or on a major holiday (Thanksgiving, Christmas/Hanukaah/Whatever your faith celebrates) or family get together.

Other than that, there will always be a reason not too... I can't today, because so-and-so just came out; I can't today, because my mom is watching Dancing with the Stars; I can't today because otherwise my parents won't watch my dog in a month when I need them too; I can't today because there's no rain in the forecast.

This is about YOU and nobody else. Be strong, be independent. You're at the bridge, now you just have to cross it! Good luck, and keep us posted!
 
Im thinking about being outing myself.Doing things like dropping hints,putting different notes somewhere and hoping they find it.(Something like this almost happened though,that was an almost disaster.)
 
I think "starting the conversation" just makes things more dramatic and drawn out. I honestly (in my opinion) is the best thing you can do is slip in a little thing that implies that you are gay and let you parents catch on. This is a way of actually starting the "conversation" without a dreaded phrase like "we need to talk."
 
I've just done it, sat at the table after eating dinner. Initially, they both thought about it being a phase and my dad is still in the mindset that 'if I find the right girl' I'll be straight again. I told him that's not how it works, and they asked me how I knew, and I just said that I knew in the same way that you know you like women. My mum has been great, she says she 'loves gay men' and how I dont have to tell anyone or put it on Facebook, haha :D I told her that I'm not going to go around introducing myself as gay, just like you wouldnt if you were straight, and she's fine with it all. My dad is finding it a little more difficult, but he's happy that I told them first. I think he hopes it'll go away- it won't, obviously. This has been a massive load off my shoulders, but I won't be fully happy until I've told my closest friends. Can't at how much you guys have helped me with all your advice. Thanks, I'll keep you updated! xx
 
Congrats BritBoy!! First step is done! Your dad will come around in due time - my dad reacting rather poorly the day we had the conversation, but a few days later, we went out for lunch and talked (and he was much more calm about it). Every time you tell someone else, it becomes less of a big deal for you to tell the next one.

Congrats again!
 
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