woohoo!
Dependent on how your dad approaches these conversations, you can have some very real, respectful conversations about it.
One of the things my dad said when I came out, in his little angry rant, was "Why would you make this choice?" followed by "Homosexuality is a disease."
The first thought was "I choice to have a disease? Does someone choose to have the flu? or smallpox?" It doesn't add up. Alternatively, many people respond to the choice question with "When did you choose to be gay?" I take a bit of a different approach, I ask "When were faced with the choice to be straight or gay, and what made you choose to be straight? What signs did I miss that I was about to make this choice?" It's still asking the same question, but its a more thoughful response... people actually have to think about what your asking instead of just spouting out the usual retort.
He also asked if I ever slept with a woman... how could I know for sure I'm gay if I never slept with a woman? Maturely, I'm honest - I've never slept with a woman, but I know who I am. Just as if he's never been so much as on a date with a man, how could he know for sure?
Also, don't be afraid to set boundaries with your father, especially if he's disrespectful. After his first angry outburst, I set the boundary. He wanted to meet me for lunch after I came out, and after I had that awkward get-over-it meeting the weekend after (referenced above). I agreed to lunch, but I made it clear.... it was over email. I told him that his outburst when we first talked was the one time I was allowing him to blow up on me. That was his angry time, and he used it up. Any other conversation that resulted in his yelling or disrespecting me meant I was walking out of the room, no exceptions. That's OK to do - you have to set that boundary for yourself to feel confident in the conversation, you're telling him you won't by bullied into an argument.
My dad also brought up the gay porn and the gay bars argument. Again, the more maturely you handle it, the more maturely he'll have to deal with it, and the more realistic this will be.... many people with that archaeic thought process about sexuality feel this is "a phase" and "you just haven't met the right girl yet." If you handle it with immaturity, it instills an immature image about it. If you answer things honestly and maturely, it becomes more legimiate in their eyes. When he asked about gay bars and gay porn, I simply told him: I'm doing the same thing you did at my age, but with someone of the same sex. I'm not looking for anything different, just with someone you weren't expecting me too.
You've made great steps! Be very proud of that! It will get easier in time... especially with your father. Just know that this anger and hostility is coming from a place where he wants what is best for you... he just doesn't know that what he's doing isn't fostering that, but he thinks it is. He'll come around!
