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how to tell a friend to stop bothering you?

G-Lexington

G-Lexington

Lex. Icon. Devil.
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It's possible he's not looking for advice, but rather simply looking for a sympathetic ear. In which case all you'll have to say is "Really?", "Wow", and "God, that sucks."

If he only has a problem "once in a while", why are you tired of it? The burden isn't that great, is it?

Lex
 
wow.

and you call him a friend? why?

friends can unload on friends any time.

what you have is an acquaintance. if I were him, I wouldn't be wasting my time calling you my friend.
 
It sounds like you want to get rid of him simply because he's gay. That's so not cool, and I'm leaving this topic now.
 
rareboy said:
wow.

and you call him a friend? why?

friends can unload on friends any time.

what you have is an acquaintance. if I were him, I wouldn't be wasting my time calling you my friend.
Click to expand...

^^^^^^^That.
 
maybe you should approach him next time about this issue. he is most likely not aware of using you as a constant sounding board. just remember we are only human we make mistakes
 
iamlst said:
no it's not because he's gay. i support him all the way. but, come on, there's a limit. i can't listen to his problem every time we talk. and like i said before, i don't know how i can help.
Click to expand...

tell him he's overdoing it

that u r his friend

and u want to help him

sometimes u help by just being there - listening or pretending to listen

be a friend dude

it's good karma and the right thing to do
 
Then just tell him, "I don't want to hear about your problems." And find yourself other friends - ones who don't harsh your buzz, man.

Lex
 
Tell your buddy to check out JUB so he can read about other gay men and ask questions of them.

It's odd that you feel like you can't help your friend. What problem is he bringing to the table--how to have anal sex? How to pick up a guy?

I've listened to my male buddies go on and on about their relationship problems with their girlfriends. I've also been their "wing woman" at clubs. Can't you do the same? It's all basically the same, it's just a guy who likes another guy rather than a girl.
 
to have a friend, be a friend

but if this guy is more a drain than a friend, then you might want to reconsider
 
true friends are suppose to be able to tell there troubles to a friendly and supportive person and you should be there for him if you don't want his friendship anymore then be honest with him and tell him because I doubt he wants to tell his troubles to a person who doesn't want to listen to him and is tired of him so be honest and be nice
 
Well IamLost, I think there's more going on with you and your friend than meets the eye here. It is such an unususal question for someone to ask on their first post to this forum.

It seems you've come here asking the wrong question or the right question for the wrong reason.

You say you don't know how to help him but didn't ask for any advice on how you might....only how to drift him.

What is it about you that he finds so appealing that he would use a totally unhelpful and unempathetic person to tell his problems to? He's either a total case who does this with all his friends or he wants something more from you than you are emotionally or intellectually qulified to provide.

You might want to tell him that at a certain point, he's going to have to live his life, not constantly subject it to analysis and trawling for your opinion on what to do next.

You need to tell him that you are emotionally and intellectually incapable of helping him with the problems he brings to you and that he should probably get some professional counselling assistance.

As you say, there is a limit. I suspect that if you follow this advice, he's going to stop 'bothering' you.
 
what makes you think we are interested in hearing about your problem?

just two posts, and i'm bored already. get over it. :-({|=

(to the rest of the board: i have my reasons)
 
iamlst said:
hi all,

i've a closed gay friend
Click to expand...

Do you mean "close" or "closeted"? FSR I thought the latter at first.

If you don't know how to help him, simply tell him that. It sounds like you are tired of listening to him, and I don't think he really expects help from you anyway - he is just using you as a sounding board to hear himself think. And you can tell him I said so!
 
Am I the only one noticing that this chap's user name
is "I am first!" Where is the room for anyone else. This is the
mantra of modern people. Look out for number one.

He should have lost you a long time ago. Tell him you are not worthy to be his friend, and that you are going to get lost.
Shep+
 
You do sound like quite the jerkish type of friend

you need to make it clear that you're not a quality valuable type of friend when it comes to being a confidant, an open ear, and a shoulder to lean on

then maybe he'll open his eyes and realize he needs to discuss such important personal matters with a person who he can truely call a true friend


.
 
and also,

how did you stumble across this board, which deals in mostly gay porn and some bisexual porn, YOURSELF?

when judging from your 2 posts it seems we're all supposed to take it that you're a completely straight 100% hetero male?

just wondering the circumstances in which you found this message board and website


.
 
I think many are being too hard on the poster. While it's true that "friends are their for each other and rely on each other," it's also true that friends sometimes irritate each other, and really piss each other off.

I had a friend once who always claimed that he wasn't good enough to get into grad school. So I gave him some advice. The next day, he asked again. And again in another hour. After a few days, I threw up my hands and said "no, you are not good enough, dummy!"

Does this mean I was an uncaring, bad friend? No. I was upset at him, not for bringing me his problems, but for ignoring my advice. After a while, after listening to the same thing time after time, it becomes clear that the other person isn't interested in hearing your answer and is using you as an emotional dumping-ground. So he was being a bad friend to me by taking advantage of my willingness to listen.
 
It's easy - stop being his friend. If you felt a connection to someone as a friend, it wouldn't seem like such a struggle when he is talking to you. I've been around the block a few times, and life is too short to expend on those who you can't connect with - which sounds like your dilemma. In essence, you're wasting your time - and his.

For example, I purge people out of my address book every year. I just stop maintaining the "friendships" (contacts - i should say) that I never hear from, or those that seem like too much of an effort. It's not to anyone's fault - but circumstance.
 
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