How to tell High School friends

[stillscion20]

I'm out and good with the friends I made in college. However, I have a bunch of people from High School that I haven't revealed my gayness (lol funny word) to.
How do I reveal this to my high school friends? I'm home for the summer and I'm sick of faking it. I have a few straight guy friends here but I have one girl friend in particular that I really want to tell. I don't know how to go about it.

I mean, I think it's pretty obvious since I never had a GF in high school and I've never been specific about my sexual adventures to my girl friend specifically. She tells me a lot of details about her own sex experiences! I've always felt bad because of the lack of details I give about my own sexual experiences. I just don't know what to do. She's pretty liberal so I don't think she'd take it too badly but I'm so concerned about how she'll take it nonetheless. And I'm more fearful about how my guy friends will take it.

But I really want to tell them! How should I do it?

Honestly I don't think it's a very well kept secret, I have the lisp and everything, but I'm still straight-acting enough that I don't think it's immediately obvious. Any advice???

 

[stillscion20]

I love this, 10 people have viewed this so far but no responses. Pretty sad they don't feel the need to help their own kind....

 

[Anders123]

I love this, 10 people have viewed this so far but no responses. Pretty sad they don't feel the need to help their own kind....

Oh come now, this sort of bitterness isn't going to encourage others to contribute.

JUB has a lot of lurkers (people who view threads but don't participate in discussion), and most of them probably don't even have registered accounts. If you take a quick look at the other threads on the front page of Hot Topics, you'll note the discretion between views and posts. 10 views without a post is pretty standard stuff around here, it's really nothing to be offended by.

Outside of that, people simply might not have any valuable advice to contribute. Would you rather they leave quietly or instead post something along the lines of "sorry bro, can't help you"?


To answer the OP; you're already out as gay to many people in your life, so I'm sure you understand that there's no reason to make it a big spectacle. You don't have to write a heartfelt letter or give a moving speech to your friends in order to be more open with them, you just have to let go of the fears that are holding you back and make the effort to reveal more about yourself during conversation.

A subtle reference to a past date/boyfriend, or making a comment about an attractive guy on the street/TV, can both be good methods for broaching the subject in a casual way. It might put your friends at ease to know that you're comfortable talking about being gay with nonchalance as opposed to sitting them down and awkwardly mumbling the words at the end of a shaky speech. People tend to feel awkward and unsure of how to act if you put them on the spot and watch for their reaction. Instead, if you inject it into casual conversation without making a big deal about it, they'll be more inclined to do the same.

Also, prepare to receive flak for 'straight-acting'. Folks around these parts aren't particularly keen on the term, for obvious reasons.

 

[m1thousand]

I love this, 10 people have viewed this so far but no responses. Pretty sad they don't feel the need to help their own kind....

10 views. Youre going to have to be more patient. It is NIGHT after all


3:24 am Pacific

 

[TriBi]

I know you are 'out' to your college friends - but you are still asking for advice on coming out to High School friends.

You are concerned at the poor response - and someone has reported this and suggested that it would be better placed in the Coming Out Forum.

I would tend to agree...so I will move it there and hope you get more helpful answers.

 

[medic1]

The first two reply`s are what you should consider , great advice , wishing you the best .

 

[bankside]

I'm out and good with the friends I made in college. However, I have a bunch of people from High School that I haven't revealed my gayness (lol funny word) to.
How do I reveal this to my high school friends? I'm home for the summer and I'm sick of faking it. I have a few straight guy friends here but I have one girl friend in particular that I really want to tell. I don't know how to go about it.

I mean, I think it's pretty obvious since I never had a GF in high school and I've never been specific about my sexual adventures to my girl friend specifically. She tells me a lot of details about her own sex experiences! I've always felt bad because of the lack of details I give about my own sexual experiences. I just don't know what to do. She's pretty liberal so I don't think she'd take it too badly but I'm so concerned about how she'll take it nonetheless. And I'm more fearful about how my guy friends will take it.

But I really want to tell them! How should I do it?

Honestly I don't think it's a very well kept secret, I have the lisp and everything, but I'm still straight-acting enough that I don't think it's immediately obvious. Any advice???

Think about how you know they are straight. Did they "reveal" it to you or did you just figure it out from conversation?

 

[bankside]

I love this, 10 people have viewed this so far but no responses. Pretty sad they don't feel the need to help their own kind....

…but don't bring this kind of suspicion to your discussion with any of your friends or it is likely to go badly.


The first 10 people who viewed this thread could just as easily have found your thread because they're looking for answers to the same question.

 

[palbert]

It can be heart-stopping at the beginning but when talk of "girl sex" comes up why not say "I'm gay and don't know anything about that."

(PS: Sometimes it takes a while for a thread to get its feet.)

 

[jensu846]

I bet they already suspect it since you said you never had a g/f that they are aware of.. I went to party of a class reunion and told all my old friends. Their response was like, ya we figured you were, but didn't say anything. I never had a g/f in high school either. I think they are just waiting for you to bring It up. they wont be surprised at all I bet.

 

[Seasoned]

How would you want to be told if a friend had a secret to share with you? Probably, by being matter of fact with no drama, stammering or apology. Good luck!

 

[Ganoderma]

hi stillscion20,

I assume you are also using Facebook and that both groups of people are on your list of Facebookfriends. Well, then you will also have several gay people in this list, and then its not too tough for others (your highschool friends, etc.) to figure out that you are gay. You can also make a change of your status (change into 'interested in males'). Your college friends won't be suprized, but its a nice way to let others know as well.

Besides that, I would advise you that you don't make a big deal by telling them that you are gay. You might do it along the lines like

'he, I am not sure if you are already aware, but Im a gay guy. Its no a big deal for me and I have alot of gay friends at college, but I thought it would be good to tell this to you. Im open, so its not a secret, meaning you are free to tell others that Im gay.'

Likely, he/she will react and, depending on this reaction, you can tell them abit more about yourself.

Good luck and I hope you will have a nice summer holiday.

 

[lodeus369]

I don't really see the point in announcing it to anyone other than close friends and family. Who cares if the others know or not?

 

[dragon08]

I don't think that it's such a big deal to friends. Unless they are outright douchebags most people are either, supportive, they don't care at all, or they don't like it but won't hate you or be rude. The ones that really hate it shouldn't be your friends in the first place.

Your high school friends are your high school friends. I understand that it's cool to stay in touch and you guys have been through a lot but you aren't really going to be without friends if you don't talk to them anymore.

You don't really have to "come-out" to them, just kinda bring it up in conversation. Talk about a cute guy, talk about gay marriage (mention you want to get married one day), Ex boyfriend problems.

if they are shocked they will probably question you more on it but some people are just gonna be like "Ok whatevs mitch is gay I guess"