How would you classify this person?

[Christopher123]

If that's possible. I don't know if this will be easy to understand (let alone try and explain it) but here goes...

Over the weekend a female friend of mine confessed to me that she hated her body. And at first I thought maybe she didn't like the way she was built or something like that, so I suggested maybe exercising (even though she's not overweight or anything) or maybe buying a new wardrobe, things like that. And she said, "No, that's not what I mean. I hate being female."

Okay, so I asked to her explain. She goes on to tell me that she loves men, she loves the male body and wishes she had the same. She said she "envies" me being a gay male (if you can believe that) and she lives with her body because she has to, but she doesn't even like letting men go down on her because she thinks the female genitalia is repulsive and just the idea of a guy licking her there grosses her out.

I wanted to say, "Yeah, I know what ya mean," but didn't

Seriously, anyway, so I asked her straight up, I said, "Sooooo... what... are you trying to tell me you want a sex change operation or something like that?"

And she said, "No, nothing as drastic as that. I just have a hard time letting men do anything to me because I hate my body so much that I can't understand how they'd be attracted to it."

She admitted she's extremely dominant in bed because she wants to do things to the male but she won't let the male do anything to her. And that it makes for a miserable sex life because most men WANT to do things to her but she pushes them away (she won't let them touch her very much) and they eventually bugger off.

Has anyone ever heard of anything like this? Maybe I'm just oblivious, but this kinda blew me away. I don't really understand it. But since she's my friend I wanted to post about it here so maybe I can get a little more insight as to what's going on with her so I can try and understand it.

I'm at a loss.

 

[Evsann]

Yeah, I can relate. I am the opposite. I am a man and hate my body and everything masculine about myself, but I like women. So, by using her logic. I envy lesbians.

I already made a thread about my issues. I just thought that it was funny that this is the first thread that I saw below mine.

 

[trawler69]

I can imagine that those those same thoughts are behind a lot transexuals decision to have a sex change.

 

[Christopher123]

Yeah, I can relate. I am the opposite. I am a man and hate my body and everything masculine about myself, but I like women. So, by using her logic. I envy lesbians.

Whoa. Maybe I should read your post, then. It might help me understand her a little better because truthfully, I don't get it. But then maybe I'm not supposed to.

But because she's my friend (I've known her for quite a while now and this came as a shock to me because I had no idea she felt this way) I WANT to understand. For as much as I can.

 

[Christopher123]

I can imagine that those those same thoughts are behind a lot transexuals decision to have a sex change.

I'm sure they probably are. But she said she had no desire to change her sex (by way of surgery) but she has always wanted to be male.

A GAY male.

I mean, don't most transexual-thinking people want to change their sex so they can have sex with someone of the opposite? Not that they can't have sex with someone of the opposite, but I mean to live as man and woman. Like if a woman said to me (and, obviously, someone did), "I want to be a man," I would automatically think she'd want to live as a man WITH a woman. But this girl wants to be a man to live as a man with another MAN.

This is what confused the hell out of me.

 

[Marvels]

Hmm, that is a first for me too. Though, I'd be hard-pressed not to think that she overplayed her own insecurity, extending her repulsion not only to her own body but that to the female form as well, just to cope with seeing something on her and in nobody else's that she doesn't really like.

Which only has about a 5% chance of likelihood.

But seriously, you should go for the "you aren't repulsive at all" card, and tell her that if you were straight, you'd go down on her and you'd think she was the most beautiful thing you ever got to breathe the same air in.

It's a line that works, believe it or not.

 

[Christopher123]

But seriously, you should go for the "you aren't repulsive at all" card, and tell her that if you were straight, you'd go down on her and you'd think she was the most beautiful thing you ever got to breathe the same air in.

Uhhhhh, well..... I have told her she's beautiful (because she is) and all that, but I don't think I could go there with the sexual comments because that would be a lie. I don't like lying to people. Then again maybe I would do her if I were straight. But I'm not. So therefore I have no idea how I'd feel about her if I were.

And besides, I've quickly learned that you can tell beautiful people that they're attractive until you're blue in the face and they still won't believe you.

 

[Marvels]

Don't say it like you mean it. Say it as a joke - - and make sure she knows it's a joke. Then give her that "actually, it isn't" smile.

Telling a beautiful person she or he is beautiful will land you nowhere. They've been hearing it since birth (or most likely college).

The best thing to tell to a person who IS beautiful? Tell her about how she's one of your best friends and that you'd never want her to change.

 

[Christopher123]

The best thing to tell to a person who IS beautiful? Tell her about how she's one of your best friends and that you'd never want her to change.

I've done that too

Which is why I'm glad these threads came about today. I think I need to understand her a little better than I am. I mean it's nobody's fault they don't know what makes her mind tick. If I don't understand it then I don't understand it, I can't help that. But I'm trying.

 

[Marvels]

Well, some people, you know how anorexics think they're fat when they're not? Some people just have problems. (I certainly have my fair share) Just never discount the possibility that what's really happening is worse than what she's really letting on.

I'm not bragging, I'm really not, but I get some complements too (few and far in between). Each time somebody calls me handsome, I get more and more conscious of the fact that my face is a milimeter wider than it should be, my cheekbones do nothing for my jawline, and my hair is totally receding. And I am fat. I am so fat I could sink Titanic by myself. And no one can convince me otherwise, no matter what they tell me. Because it's my body and I call it the way I see it.

There are people that just can't be helped in some regards, so we make sure that we're there to help them in others

 

[Christopher123]

Well, some people, you know how anorexics think they're fat when they're not? Some people just have problems. (I certainly have my fair share) Just never discount the possibility that what's really happening is worse than what she's really letting on.

I'm not bragging, I'm really not, but I get some complements too (few and far in between). Each time somebody calls me handsome, I get more and more conscious of the fact that my face is a milimeter wider than it should be, my cheekbones do nothing for my jawline, and my hair is totally receding. And I am fat. I am so fat I could sink Titanic by myself. And no one can convince me otherwise, no matter what they tell me. Because it's my body and I call it the way I see it.

You're very right, of course. I know a girl who can't weigh more than 100 pounds and she's always complaining about how fat she is. Mostly in the company of overweight females, just to piss them off and make them jealous. So one day I said, "Yeah, you know what? You're right. You're huge."

She hasn't complained she's fat since.

 

[jockboy01]

Well, people who take compliments to mean they're ugly really just have a self confidence problem. I'm totally flattered by compliments... even if I play it off as them just joking.

As to this girl. I would agree that she sounds transgendered. And while she doesn't want surgery to change it.... deep down I bet she does. But she probably think the idea of surgery to change genders is weird and so doesn't express it. I've never come across a truly transgendered individual to be honest. And never thought whether they were trans gay or trans str8. I would assume you could be either. All I can say is to be there for her and make sure she realizes that you don't think she's weird for having these thoughts. I'm sure you're a great friend though and don't need to hear any of that.

 

[Jeimuzu]

I've got a friend who says I'm lucky, because of those reasons. She's a lot more blunt, though;

"You've got a dick AND a hole... All I've got is two holes!"

 

[Christopher123]

As to this girl. I would agree that she sounds transgendered. And while she doesn't want surgery to change it.... deep down I bet she does. But she probably think the idea of surgery to change genders is weird and so doesn't express it.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Because she said these things, in so many words, but she wouldn't come right out and say it matter-of-factly.

That's gotta suck... sort of being 'trapped' in a body you don't wanna be in. I mean, to hate your body so much that you don't even like it when somebody touches you?

 

[Christopher123]

I've got a friend who says I'm lucky, because of those reasons. She's a lot more blunt, though;

"You've got a dick AND a hole... All I've got is two holes!"

lol, another female friend said something like that to me once. She was just playing around (I hope! either that or I've got a bunch of transgendered friends) and said, "That's not fair, I want a dick to play with too!" And I said, "You've got one, your boyfriend's." And she said, "No, I mean I want my own!"

She said, "Being a gay male, I guess you've got the best of both worlds, huh? You've got a cock to play with and a hole to screw!"

I just had to laugh at her. Some women are so silly.

 

[Marvels]

You're very right, of course. I know a girl who can't weigh more than 100 pounds and she's always complaining about how fat she is. Mostly in the company of overweight females, just to piss them off and make them jealous. So one day I said, "Yeah, you know what? You're right. You're huge."

She hasn't complained she's fat since.

I suspect you should just ask your lovely friend what she wants to do about her body.

 

[jockboy01]

That's gotta suck... sort of being 'trapped' in a body you don't wanna be in. I mean, to hate your body so much that you don't even like it when somebody touches you?

I agree... that would totally suck. But I do know guys that like their own body but are uncomfortable with people touching them... a whole different set of issues

 

[wentworth]

If that's possible. I don't know if this will be easy to understand (let alone try and explain it) but here goes...

Over the weekend a female friend of mine confessed to me that she hated her body. And at first I thought maybe she didn't like the way she was built or something like that, so I suggested maybe exercising (even though she's not overweight or anything) or maybe buying a new wardrobe, things like that. And she said, "No, that's not what I mean. I hate being female."

Okay, so I asked to her explain. She goes on to tell me that she loves men, she loves the male body and wishes she had the same. She said she "envies" me being a gay male (if you can believe that) and she lives with her body because she has to, but she doesn't even like letting men go down on her because she thinks the female genitalia is repulsive and just the idea of a guy licking her there grosses her out.

I wanted to say, "Yeah, I know what ya mean," but didn't

Seriously, anyway, so I asked her straight up, I said, "Sooooo... what... are you trying to tell me you want a sex change operation or something like that?"

And she said, "No, nothing as drastic as that. I just have a hard time letting men do anything to me because I hate my body so much that I can't understand how they'd be attracted to it."

She admitted she's extremely dominant in bed because she wants to do things to the male but she won't let the male do anything to her. And that it makes for a miserable sex life because most men WANT to do things to her but she pushes them away (she won't let them touch her very much) and they eventually bugger off.

Has anyone ever heard of anything like this? Maybe I'm just oblivious, but this kinda blew me away. I don't really understand it. But since she's my friend I wanted to post about it here so maybe I can get a little more insight as to what's going on with her so I can try and understand it.

I'm at a loss.

Not a psychologist, but I wonder if this is related to this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder ?

 

[Christopher123]

I suspect you should just ask your lovely friend what she wants to do about her body.

I have. She never answers. She only complains about her weight in front of overweight women. But with her friends she thinks she's perfect. So we assume she's just trying to make the heavy girls jealous.

 

[Christopher123]

I agree... that would totally suck. But I do know guys that like their own body but are uncomfortable with people touching them... a whole different set of issues

Yeah, and I've been there. And you're right, a whole different set of issues.