Huh, New issue, Kinda sucks

[isuckmen]

Well, I have a really good friend, Taylor. We have pretty much grown up with each other. Literally we have known each other since we were about 3...

He is more like a brother to me than just a friend. He knows I am gay and has no problem in the world with it. He has been very supportive through absolutely everything. Oh and he is 100% Straight. he has had girls off and on. Normally long elationships but they never last more than 2 yrs.

I now have a bf, Micheal. Well the problem is that, although Micheal and I do most stuff by ourselves, Like dinner and stuff at least 4 days a week... So if we do anything else it is because Taylor calls me and asks if we want to go do something, like catch a movie, stuff like that.

And Micheal is seems to be getting jelouse, I dont honestly know why... He told me the other day that he doesnt like me being around Taylor so much...

So I set up a semi romantic dinner for Micheal and I last night... All in all I think it went well but he still seems to resent Taylor a lot... It kinda bugs me that he is trying to make me choose between him and, for all practical purposes, my bro...

And to top it all off he has his best friend just like I do, except Andy ( his friend) is gay and is Micheals ex-bf...

So what do I do... I mean, Micheal is around Andy every bit as much as I am around Taylor. But there is no chance of me cheating with Taylor, but there is a chance ( I trust them not to) that Micheal could cheat on me with Andy...

I guess I jsut dont know how to handle the situation... And Taylor knows something is wierd since we are spending less and less time around each other...

This whole thing kinda sucks...

Thanks Guys for at least reading this...

 

[isuckmen]

What do ya mean?

 

[kevin23]

Don't let him destroy your friendship with your bud, because of his jealousy. Good friends are a treasure and hard to find. Sounds like your bf has issues about trust. Maybe he is not so trustworthy? And if you ditch you lifelong friend, what will he demand next? Stick with the friend, even if the bf goes.

 

[Sunshine]

Bro's before ho's.

 

[isuckmen]

So the str8s say: Bros before Hos...
And the gays say: Buds Before Studs...

haha...

Honestly, there is no way I could give up Taylor for Micheal. I mean dont get me wrong I care about Micheal a lot... But Taylor is more important... he has seen me at my worst and seen me at my best. I am doubting that Micheal would help me through another rough patch. At least to the same degree that Taylor has stuck it out with me... I remember about 3 yrs ago and I was jsut on the edge of suicide and Taylor literally called me every 1/2 hr during the summer jsut to make sure I was still good... Thankfully I got over that phase!!

I couldnt give up Taylor...

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Have a good and open talk with your BF and tell him that being in a LTR does not mean that you have to give up on your life-long friendships.

My BF has a few friends, I frankly, could not care less about. And one of my close friends does not stand my BF and v.v.. Never a problem.

He gets to keep the friends of his choice and so, do I.

Whoever issues any ultimatum, like, it is either he or I, gets to see the door from the other side pretty soon.

SC

 

[rareboy]

It kinda bugs me that he is trying to make me choose between him and, for all practical purposes, my bro...

I had a good friend who was asked to choose between her new bf and her cats. Guess which she chose.

Keep Taylor. Ditch Michael. And tell Michael why. Maybe it will smarten him up before he issues another ultimatum.

 

[silentalk]

I think you need to talk with him about it. Make him realize that you're not jealous when he's with his ex, and the reason is because you trust him... that's the reason, right?

Ask him why he can have something you can't.

 

[isuckmen]

I think you need to talk with him about it. Make him realize that you're not jealous when he's with his ex, and the reason is because you trust him... that's the reason, right?

Ask him why he can have something you can't.

I did that...

And yes, I do trust him. But Andy (his ex) made something very clear to me today...

Basically that Micheal is not going to stop, no matter what. That he will always be jelouse, apparently that was part of the problem when they went out together.

And he says that there is something that I dont know about Taylor... Somethin he was able to tell Andy, but not me...

All Andy said today about that was that Taylor will tell me somethin that I dont know when he feels it is right... I asked if Taylor told him he was gay and he just said that he was confided in and was "not at liberty to tell me without further confirmation from Taylor"

I dunno... But I do know that Micheal is having issues with Taylor and I have to side with Taylor. I told Micheal that I trust that when he is around Andy he stays faithful and that I would expect the same courtesy he told me it was "different" I dont know how he figures that.


Long story short, yea it is soon to be over wiht Micheal, if he cant trust me than what gives me a reason to trust him?

I do care for him but not to the exclusion of a person I deam to be a brother, true family...

So that said, I will keep ya'll updated and let you know how it ends up working out!

thanks guys...

 

[isuckmen]

Um, its 6:47 AM right now and I just got off the phone with Taylor, he called and said, in a quite serious tone, that we need to talk... I dunno what thats all about but he sure seems stressed. Not to mention that he has never called me this early...

He said he did because he knew I get up at 6:30 and just needed to talk... huh, guess I will figure that one out later.

 

[thephoenix]

Hope it's nothing too serious.

In the meantime, don't take this the wrong way, but your boyfriend is displaying signs of a cheater. He doesn't seem to trust you, thus you can't trust him. Plus he hangs with an ex, which you are right raises his possibilities of cheating. His conscience is getting the better of him. Don't compromise what appears to be an amazing friendship for someone who is being consumed by the green-eyed monster.

 

[Eagle653]

I'm sure you'll do the right thing re both Taylor and Michael because you'll be acting on all the facts as you know them when you act.

Just know that most jealously stems from insecurities (and sometimes with immaturities mixed in). Knowing that someone's relationship is on an even keel sometimes goes a long way in short-circuiting jealousy feelings. Sometimes, though, people are irrationally jealous, meaning that, other than being a total pain in the ass about it, they are jealous when a reasonable person would feel very safe and secure in their relationship.

I don't know if Michael should reasonable feel secure or not. If so, then he has a problem for which he probably needs counseling. Being around a jealous person is so annoying that it's bound to doom friendships, let alone relationships. I hope he gets help.

 

[screwnutty]

Um, its 6:47 AM right now and I just got off the phone with Taylor, he called and said, in a quite serious tone, that we need to talk... I dunno what thats all about but he sure seems stressed. Not to mention that he has never called me this early...

He said he did because he knew I get up at 6:30 and just needed to talk... huh, guess I will figure that one out later.

Hi!

I think the advice that you've been given is excellent advice. So I have nothing to bring to the table at this moment. However if it's okay with you guys...I'm going to pull up a chair and wait for an update here....because I might have some advice to give after isuckmen has told us what taylor wanted to say to him.

*pulls up a chair and grabs a magazine to wait*

 

[isuckmen]

Holy Crap... I am still processing all of this... But Taylor said that he thinks that he may be gay...

He said that he started having a hard time when Micheal and I began going out because, well, he likes me...

I will elaborate later... I am kinda in shock... He has always religiously stressed that he was 100% straight...

I will be back asap but I gotta go to work and I really need to think about this...

Oh and the Micheal issue is over. I told him flat out that if it really must come between Taylor and him than I would choose Taylor. He got pretty pissed and then, just, walked away.

And I just got off the phone with Andy...

But I really gotta go right now...

I'll be back soon...

 

[screwnutty]

Holy Crap... I am still processing all of this... But Taylor said that he thinks that he may be gay...

He said that he started having a hard time when Micheal and I began going out because, well, he likes me...

I will elaborate later... I am kinda in shock... He has always religiously stressed that he was 100% straight...

I will be back asap but I gotta go to work and I really need to think about this...

Oh and the Micheal issue is over. I told him flat out that if it really must come between Taylor and him than I would choose Taylor. He got pretty pissed and then, just, walked away.

And I just got off the phone with Andy...

But I really gotta go right now...

I'll be back soon...

Yup....saw this coming a mile away. I think he's always told you that he's 100% straight because he thought he was....I think him seeing less and less of you is what triggered this emotion inside of him. I don't know if he's totally gay (thinking maybe more bisexual).

There's not much that you can do for him at this stage right now except be there to support him and answer any questions that he ask. But when it comes to him....he's going to have to figure this one out for himself. There is no easy solution. There should be a thread around here somewhere that tackles this issue, well kindof, I can't remember the name of it but when i do...i give you the link.

Also maybe he should do some soul searching. Like has he found other guys interesting...etc. wow.

Good luck and have a fun time at work tonight!!

 

[isuckmen]

Yup....saw this coming a mile away. I think he's always told you that he's 100% straight because he thought he was....I think him seeing less and less of you is what triggered this emotion inside of him. I don't know if he's totally gay (thinking maybe more bisexual).

There's not much that you can do for him at this stage right now except be there to support him and answer any questions that he ask. But when it comes to him....he's going to have to figure this one out for himself. There is no easy solution. There should be a thread around here somewhere that tackles this issue, well kindof, I can't remember the name of it but when i do...i give you the link.

Also maybe he should do some soul searching. Like has he found other guys interesting...etc. wow.

Good luck and have a fun time at work tonight!!

Yea I am still shell shocked... I really never thought twice about it.

He seems certain that he is actually gay not bi.

He said that the reason he kept goin out with girls throughout HS is because he didnt want to be gay... Although he knew that I was and had no problem with it.

I really wish he would have told me earlier. It would have really been nice to know.

I asked if he was attracted to other guys and he laughed and said, "Well, yea, that is why I didnt ever take a PE class with you, I have a hard enough time not poppin a bone when I'm in the locker room! Let alone you there!!"

All I could say was wow, and "dude, you know I am always there for you."

I asked if I was the first person he told, he was honest and said, "No, I told Andy first, only because I was afraid of messing things up with Micheal. Did I have anythignt to do with the break-up? I sure hope not..."

I was honest and replied, "Well, Micheal kinda gave me an ultimatum. In his mind it came do to you or him. So yes and no. It had more to do with our friendship instead of anything you did. So sont worry about it. I told him straight, that you were more important to me than him. He just got mad and left, he just left without saying anything more." ( Of course I dont put any blame on anybody except Micheal, he gave me the ultimatum, not Andy or Taylor)

He was like...

" Do you really mean that? I mean I knew that you really cared about me as a good friend but that much?" (He had tears in his eyes through all of this, it was so sweet.)

I reassured him that I would always be there for him, no matter what.

He then asked if we could go out tonight, just as friends tonight. I am meeting him at his house at 8:30, we are going out to a movie, just as friends.

I know that he is going to want to be more than just friends, but right now I certainly am not going to be more than that right now.

Although I know that we are incredibly compatible I feel like right now we need to work things out in a different way.

Right now I just need to make sure he is okay, this seems to be really traumatic for him. I completely understand because I was in a similar position a few months ago when I came out to my mom.

The difference is that he has a better support system. That is my main focus right now; being there for him.

I hope that he can come to terms with this as I have. It will be so much better if he does.

Well I guess I better get ready... Gotta take a shower and stuff before I leave.

Thanks everybody!

 

[Alberto_15]

mmmm love is in the air....

 

[screwnutty]

I asked if he was attracted to other guys and he laughed and said, "Well, yea, that is why I didnt ever take a PE class with you, I have a hard enough time not poppin a bone when I'm in the locker room! Let alone you there!!"

Ok...hey's gay! I think he's madly in love with you too!

I know that he is going to want to be more than just friends, but right now I certainly am not going to be more than that right now.

You know...sometimes the best lovers started out as really good friends!

Man...looks like Santa give you your Christmas gift early! You are one lucky bastard!

Congrats and I hope things work out really well for the two of you!

PS: You have to keep us updated!!

 

[Dman007]

I envy all openly gay men, I really do, lol

Im glad that you can have happiness

I refuse to tell ANYONE! well except you know, anyone on JUB could tell..lol, I want tell my family or at least my brother since he's gay and would understand, but until I have thoughts of Suicide, i aint pullin that card...

 

[isuckmen]

I envy all openly gay men, I really do, lol

Im glad that you can have happiness

I refuse to tell ANYONE! well except you know, anyone on JUB could tell..lol, I want tell my family or at least my brother since he's gay and would understand, but until I have thoughts of Suicide, i aint pullin that card...

First off, thank you...

Secondly, never let it get to the point of suicide thoughts... Never, I have been there and back... Its no fun and is not a productive time. Not to mention, WTF happens if you let it get to far?

I would really suggest telling at least your bro. If you can tell us, a group of strangers who are all gay, then why cant you tell your gay brother with whom you already know and care about....

More than likely he will be very kind and careing, not to mention eager to help you out in any way possible.

Many of us here ( I think) would have rathered be in a position like yours where you have a gay family member to rely on.

If you want to talk more than PM me. I am more than willing to help ya out dude.

Best of Luck
-ISM

Oh and all the other readers, I will catch you up on last nights events later.