Hypothetical Delimma

[Hot White Trash]

I watch the House Hunters show and I think I have only seen a gay couple once or twice, but it always makes me wonder what gay couples would do. So I am going to ask you.

Pretend you and your partner live together and have been a couple for five years. You are not officially married. One makes a lot more than the other and pays more of the couple's expenses just as would happen with a married straight couple.

You decide to buy a vacation place for say $200,000 because you like to go to the beach so much and don't want to rent anymore. The guy who makes more will have to pay for the vacation home by himself because his partner can't afford it.

The question is: Do you buy the vacation house as a couple and put the partner's name on the title? Can he veto the purchase if he doesn't like it?
If you are the guy who makes the least are you expecting this purchase to be made as a couple and if your lover buys it alone does that mean there is a problem in your relationship?

You can be either one, or both.

 

[Willie Boy]

This really isn't a "delimma" (dilemma). If the two are really a couple, wouldn't the income be shared? Between my partner and I this is the way it is. He doesn't have income and I am retired with enough money in the bank to live extravagantly off the interest alone. We own our home as well as a few vacation homes. I paid for everything up front, but as we are a couple he is joint owner. He shares access to all accounts as I trust him (he is my partner after all, if he couldn't be trusted we wouldn't be together).

To have separate accounts and no shared monies defeats the whole purpose of being a couple. Basically you're just a renter with benefits and not a couple.

 

[Shepherd 2]

Since my state does not have gay marriage, I am unsure how to answer this. We are as married in my mind as my wife and I were married several years ago. But recently when we have considered what we will do when one of us will need assisted living. Guess what, it is a catch twenty-two for, the first place we went, a place we knew we liked, they told us that we would not be accepted to even apply.

Shep+

 

[Willie Boy]

Since my state does not have gay marriage, I am unsure how to answer this. We are as married in my mind as my wife and I were married several years ago. But recently when we have considered what we will do when one of us will need assisted living. Guess what, it is a catch twenty-two for, the first place we went, a place we knew we liked, they told us that we would not be accepted to even apply.

Shep+

I think you are thinking about the wrong kind of vacation home. I believe the OP was talking about a "Summer Home" type of situation. Where you go for vacation. Not an old folks home, where you go when your kids want to be rid of you so they can enjoy their lives and not have to be reminded of where they'll be in a couple decades.

 

[MercuryJones]

It depends on what you mean by "a couple".

As I'm sure you know, some couples split all expenses and simply share a home. Some share everything equally regardless of income. And there are variations within.

My partner and I share everything equally. I make about 150% of what he makes, but it's not an issue. He also had an inheritance I'll never have, and that's not an issue either.

But when we were only together for a few years we were still splitting all expenses, and didn't have shared money.

Hetero couples can more-or-less distinguish stages in their relationship, but because we (mostly) can't marry, the degree of partnership can often be unclear.

 

[Hot White Trash]

Shep 2 - Not accepted because you're gay? Isn't that against the law?

MercuryJones -so . . . you two would buy the vacation home together? Are both your names on your current house?

 

[MercuryJones]

MercuryJones -so . . . you two would buy the vacation home together? Are both your names on your current house?

In my partnership we'd buy it together and both names would be on the deed, with full right of inheritance.

But if you asked me 15 years ago I might have then said we'd only do it if we could share the costs 50/50.

 

[TickTockMan]

If it was someone I thought of as my "partner" and not my boyfriend then they would probably be on all my paperwork that they can be. Depending on how much I trust them would decide if they were my partner or boyfriend though. For the most part though if I didn't trust them I wouldn't be with them so it wouldn't matter.

 

[thermodynamics]

If it were me and my (future) husband, we would share and share alike--everything would be in both of our names, regardless of income.

 

[gsdx]

I watch the House Hunters show and I think I have only seen a gay couple once or twice

There are a lot more gay couples on House Hunters International. Gay couples are quite common on Canadian programmes.

 

[BINOWGAYLATER]

I'lll chime in......if you're a "couple" you should be sharing everything - including joint tennancy on the house(s).
If this isn't the case - then you are friends with benefits. nothing more.

In states where gay marriage is not legal - partners need to put property in 'trusts" to insure that their wishes are carried out - and the surviving partner gets what was originally planned -
in most cases - - TRUSTS are much better than wills --because wills can be overturned - and take years and years in probate - Trusts - with legally named beneficiaries and/or joint tennants - DO NOT go thru probate.

I'm thinking SHEP understood the premise here -- he was just relating another burr under the saddle -- where a "gay couple" would encounter difficulties . Many assisted living establishments are operated by parent companies belonging to CHURCHES -- who do not approve of gay couples - or gay anything !!
LIFE IS NOT FAIR................the end........

 

[Hot White Trash]

Even if its owned by a church a home must follow the law.

 

[Hot White Trash]

Last nights episode of House Hunters was pretty much my hypo but with a straight couple.

They were engaged and looking for a house for about $200k in Arizona. The girl had gone back to school so they were living on his salary alone. He was concerned that all of his salary would go to the house. The interesting part came at the closing - only he signed the documents, which means her name was not on the house.

Later in the episode she decided to go back to work to help pay, but they also showed her crying about it.

 

[MercuryJones]

Money is always a potential issue. I think te straight couple you described did the right thing.

While I fully believe in marriage as a partnership, for better or worse, I acknowledge two things:

1. Until you're actually married (or an equivalent), you're not legally bound or protected, and are well advised to protect yourself;
2. Many marriages fail, and though it's not what I'd choose to do, people are within their rights to make an arrangement to protect themselves in event of divorce so long as they are upfront about it.

The advent of same sex marriage / civil union has created a new dynamic for gay couples. In states where they are available, we have the option to make explicit our financial commitment/partnership rather than leaving it implied.

I know a couple who split up after about 20 years, and tough they are pretty amicable they do have some disagreements about shared assets.

Party A says "We were a couple and should treat this the same way a married couple would be treated in assigning financial responsibility".

Party B says "During our time together our state offered domestic partnerships that confer the rights and responsibilities of marriage. We never used that option, so we didn't make marriage level commitments, and shouldn't be held to them."

 

[asadoyayunta]

If I were buying the property entirely from my funds then I wouldn't expect to put my partner's name on the deeds. Why would I? As long as we are together he would have use of it and if I went first he would inherit it. But I have seen too many long established couples split up and have acrimonious financial settlements to make that sort of judgement. What's mine is mine, his is his and ours is ours. Simple!

 

[MercuryJones]

If I were buying the property entirely from my funds then I wouldn't expect to put my partner's name on the deeds. Why would I? As long as we are together he would have use of it and if I went first he would inherit it.

And my point is that what constitutes "together" (which I emphasized in your quote) differs from couple to couple. I don't think there's a simple uniform answer.

What I do think is helpful is to be explicit with each other about what your arrangement is together.

 

[Hot White Trash]

I have no experience with such things (my most difficult money decision is usually whether to pay for movie tickets or dinner). But to talk about money must be tough. My parents never talked about it - they married and automatically they shared everything. Probably helps not to have much. They do fight about money, but over the lack of it.

 

[The_Reaper]

I've got to agree with some of the previous posters; if the couple has been together for awhile, 3+ years and are PRACTICALLY a married couple, then their income is likely in a shared account.

It doesn't matter who makes more, because both partners are contributing. I mean, my father makes more money than my mother in a year; practically double what she makes, yet they put everything into one account that they both have access to.

A $200,000 beach home would not be the responsibility of one partner, as they would both be contributing to the payments, so there's really no way one partner could not afford to buy the place, because they both share what they make.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

no see problem both names ons title

but if dude want servant no worrys

just be clear what da dude want or think is relationship

lot males ans females no idea shit but cans figure it da cultures spit um out

couple is a couple is a couple

cultures figure out what they fuckin mean or quit pumpin shit inta kids heads what end up these HYPOS what is be real all ova planet many ways

me think that it

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

If I was in a position to buy a holiday home, and the relationship was fully established and I felt we'd be together forever then sure I'd put their name on the deeds.

But they're have to be legal papers drawn up about it. What happens if the relationship goes sour, that sort of thing. The holiday home is one thing, the income I generate would be something else. But that's just the nature of the relationship beast. Just because you end up my partner wouldn't ensure you a free ride and a slice of the over all pie.

catch ya drift but interest way ya put it like lot folk do

end up my where you go?

maybe cultures ( coolin down period before they kids marry thing ) sort out da little things