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I’m conflicted Need to Come Out

G

GreyMane

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I’m 60 have a GF who lives in another town Four year relationship with many hills and valleys
For the last few years I’ve had deep urges
to be with a guy and I did- Now it’s happening more frequently ( the urges) I love body contact with a guy - much more- was always 50/50 but now scales have shifted
Lots of sticky stuff with connection to herfamily friends and her vice versa with my family
I’m tired of doing this, although very infrequently, behind her back-
I’m afraid of hurting her and others
So I’m very naive about how and what should I do
I heard of people who’ve done it gradually or in increments ?
Wish there was a Cliff Notes book
On it -
Joke
Anyway that’s it
 
The specifics are different for each of us, but the core is the same. In the end, you just say it. I'd start with the woman you're dating.

Yes there will be fallout, there has to be in your situation, and you are going to lose control over who gets to know when, but it's always better to let the secrecy go, it's poisoning both of you.

Unfortunately we can't tell you how the people in your life are going to react, we don't know them, but I can tell you this, the relief you will feel when all is said and done is the most liberating thing I have ever felt.

Coming out is a process, you'll be coming out for the rest of your life, but consider this, everyone does. Straight people do it as a matter of course in their lives, they discuss relationships and children, they exchange info about their sexualities in a thousand different ways, it should be the same for you, and will be once you can feel about your life, the same way they feel about theirs.

That won't happen overnight, but if you persevere, you'll wake up one day and find that it has, and that's when all of this will fade into insignificance.
 
Thank you Beau- very insightful reply- I read it a few times and then maybe again later
 
I was hoping you'd get more support in here. Well, just know you can always send me a note if you want to.
 
I don't really have much to offer. But the only other thing is yes Come out to her tell her your urges. But I would leave out that you were with someone that will only make her feel worse.
 
So you concider yourself as being a bi guy and you have a GF if you think she would be ok with it if not it's up to you how you feel about saying something. Hopefully it workes out for you man
 
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