I always felt like...

[texpatriot]

My family or friends never really accepted me.

Then there was a part of me that felt "used" because...well basically...because my dick was bigger than theirs and they wanted to "play with it."

I didn't know.

I DID NOT KNOW!

That not only was I NOT a freak, I was a FREAK for having a big dick.

Then I had to look back to grade school.

There's no way that I was the most popular kid in school; or Boy Scouts, or 3rd Grade Basketball.

Everytime I was invited over for "sleep over" somewhere in the night the guy who invited me over ASKED if he could "touch my dick"

WTF!

Sometimes, I can't help but think that If I didn't let some many "straight guys" touch my dick, that maybe I wouldn't be Gay.

 

[HunterM]

Accept things that you cannot change. Change things that you have control over.

Don't let the past dictate who you are and who you want to become. We all make mistakes...but that's how we learn not to repeat them again. That's how we become better. That's how we move on in life.

Keep making new friends who accept/embrace you for being gay.

 

[loveguys72]

What you're describing is an ongoing pattern of molestation. I would advise you to get therapy to sort out your feelings about what's happend in your past. You can't change that stuff, but you can understand it better and how it affects your thinking today. Being molested didn't make you gay, but it is messing with your perception of yourself and influencing your current behaviors.

Good luck on your journey.

 

[jaysizzles]

I don't believe there is a connection with being "touched" by straight guys when you were younger and being gay now. Straight guys experiment with other guys and don't magically become gay, just like gay guys experiment with women, and don't magically become straight. It doesn't work that way.

You never came right out and said you were sexually abused as a child by an adult family member in your post, just that "family and friends" wanted to "play with it." Your post was kind of cryptic tho, so forgive me if I'm not correctly reading between the lines. Was it a case of you and others near your own age playing 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine' type of thing...were you a willing, or somewhat willing, participant in this activity with the straight guys? I don't want to automatically assume you were molested or abused since you didn't use those words. Seems like now you are questioning their motives..thinking they only wanted to get with you because of your dick...which seems plausible. I guess there are a lot of reasons why straight guys want to have sex with other guys...especially horny teens. Somehow they knew you were pretty big, and perhaps even thought you would be willing to indulge them if they did make advances on you.

Are you traumatized about this, feeling victimized, or is your original post just more of a vent...that you are just now coming to the realization that you may have been objectified?

I do think it is an odd thing about how men/society revere large penises ...as if the guy is more virile and sexual because of it...a sexual object, much like how men objectify women with large breasts. I've never really thought of it as the guy being a freak tho. I kind of doubt anyone you've been with thought of you as a "freak" either. It's not to say that when I was young and saw pics/vids of John Holmes, that I wasn't completely intrigued by it, and a little shocked, as well in complete awe of the guy down the street that showed the group of us his huge dick (and i really mean huge) when we were all comparing size in the woods, as teens. It's was more like a curiosity, a novelty, an envy...geez, what would that be like? (you wouldn't know...)

You seem self aware now though...realize that there are guys out there only interested in you for what you have between your legs...and will use you if you let them. Just realize that there are others that will be into you for the person you are. Not showing the goods right away may help you discern between the two.

 

[texpatriot]

I apologize for not getting back to this.

In my "sexual career" I've only ever encountered three guys "bigger" than me.

But the guys that I liked, and even fell in love with, it turned out only liked me for my dick.

And I found that was okay.

So I started to wear jeans that didn't show off my junk as much, and bitched slap guy's hands who tried to grab may package at bars, and when given the chance stuffed my stuff behind some spandex shorts and jiggled my dick on a box for tips.

But I only rewarded those that I liked with what was underneath the spandex.

I realize that within a short time that I'm no longer going to be attractive to the younger guys, who already see me as a joke.

I've noticed this in the "Over 50 crowd" of guys who've shown more interest in me as a person, than they have getting into my spandex.

Don't we all want to be loved for who we are?

 

[umjreon88]

Yes we do. But I guess at our age the mentality is to venture out and be naughty, without thinking about consequences. The only thing you can do when going for a younger guy or guys your age is to look for those who can see beyond the superficial and physical part of you. It can be hard but I'm sure someone will come along who can change your mind about younger men.

I like big packages but that doesn't mean I want to pursue the person just coz his junk is all I see. I wanna appreciate the person for who they are. You will get there.

 

[texpatriot]

Yes we do. But I guess at our age the mentality is to venture out and be naughty, without thinking about consequences. The only thing you can do when going for a younger guy or guys your age is to look for those who can see beyond the superficial and physical part of you. It can be hard but I'm sure someone will come along who can change your mind about younger men.

I like big packages but that doesn't mean I want to pursue the person just coz his junk is all I see. I wanna appreciate the person for who they are. You will get there.

Naw, I'm still having a hard time with that.

One of my favorite Drag Queens told me at a party one night, "there are two types of people in the world that I can not stand; size queens, and guys with little dicks."



To be honest?

I get it!

My last boyfriend towered over me by 4". His cock was 1'' thicker than mine, and nearly 2" longer.

Thank Gawd he wanted me to fuck him instead of the other way around.

I impressed him that I could swallow his cock 'balls deep."

(I tried to stick my tongue out and lick his balls at the same time, but I had a mouth full.)

I don't know.

I have girlfriends of mine who complain that "straight guys" are always looking at their tits.

The only time that I realize that someone is checking out my "package" is when they come along, cup it within the palm of their hand and offer to buy me a drink.

My friends are like WTF?

 

[Seasoned]

Superficiality is rampant. No matter what it is, if we have an over abundance of something there's the fear that that's why we are liked. We have the choice to use any asset to our advantage, but we also have the prerogative to say no to at superficiality any time. Once word gets out size queens come a runnin.' Your task is sorting out anyone liking you just for your size.