i always thought you guys were stupid...

[G-Lexington]

Oh, OK. So you didn't blow off your crush just for a friend - you blew him off for a HOMOPHOBIC friend. Sure, much better.

Dude, if he comes up to you while you're talking with other people, you treat him like you'd treat anyone. You say "hi", introduce him to the group, and continue on. That's not "how to pick up guys" - that's Politeness 101. If your friend decides he doesn't like him because he's "too gay", fine - he doesn't have to talk to him after that if he doesn't want to. But you don't choose his friends, and he doesn't choose yours. If you choose to associate with a gay guy, that's your call, not his.

Now go find your crush, apologize, make up some story about how you really had to tell your friend something and didn't mean to blow him off, and offer to go buy him a coffee. Hop to it.

Lex

 

[TX-Beau]

Fuck!!!....he wanted to talk to me today and i blew him off cos i was with my straight (who doesnt know im not) friend...i feel like such a duesh...he wanted to talk to me and then even at some point he just stood there while i ignored him and talked to my straight friend...what the fuck is wrong with me? and hes kinda gay. so i dont know what the shuttering thing was about. fuck how do i salvage this?

OK this is problematic. But first.

First off you seem to be playing the is he/isn’t he game that we’re all so fond of. If you don’t get up the courage to at least talk to the guy you’ll never know, and you’ll spend the rest of your time sighing at him from across the room. That’s just useless, unless you enjoy the whole unrequited thing, and some guys do, for the drama if nothing else.

More problematic is that you don’t want your friend to think you’re gay. That’s a whole other kettle of fish. What are your options?

1. He isn’t gay, or worse a ‘phobe, move on. I cannot stress enough, don’t build a case for gay based on trivia. We all tend to only look at things that we can interpret in such a way that they mean gay. This doesn’t mean he’s gay. If he isn’t, and you don’t tell him you are, or at least ask if he is, you open yourself up to the straight boy betrayal freak-out when you tell him you like him, or if you don’t tell him, you get to languish in the unrequited closet for years wasting valuable youth on nothing. Then there’s the whole issue that the problem could be that you’re going after unattainable guys, because nothing will ever happen.

The only sure path to follow is to take him at his word. Ask if he’s gay, if he freaks, he’s never going to be even your friend anyway. Or you can do the hide and anguish thing. But really, who wants to hang out with a ‘phobe.

2. He is gay but not interested. ‘nuff said. Maybe you can go clubbing together.

3. He is gay, you both like each other, but neither of you want friends/family to know, so you scurry around in the dark hiding. This puts strain on your relationship, and people will notice how much time you spend together. Whether people know you’re together or not, or guess or not, you’ll start to think they do, distance will grow, it ends badly with the possible outing of one or both of you – Not Good.

4. He is gay, you both like each other, you start dating, but you push him away or into the closet every time you associate with someone you don’t want to know that you’re gay. He feels like you’re ashamed of him, and you are, he’s a dirty little secret, and it ends very badly, outing you in the process.

5. He is gay, you both like each other, you start dating, you’re both out and proud – and you have a chance at that fairy tale in your head.

Don’t start dating until you are out at least to your peers. That will save you from a world of grief.

If it’s just lust, that’s another story entirely.

 

[beatleshead]

yeah...well i talked to him but i just cut it short and started talking to the straight friend ...i did say hi and stuff im not impolite. but he wanted to talk more and..i dont know. Tommorow ill sit by him and and say hi and ask him his name and stuff. maybe i can get a second impression.

 

[mascbiguy]

you sound like you're too cool for school. and chances are that he prob thinks you're a A-hole for blowing him off twice. If i were him, i would of moved on by now.

if he is gay/closeted and interested, then he is having the same thoughts that you are. nut up and ask.

 

[beatleshead]

you sound like you're too cool for school. and chances are that he prob thinks you're a A-hole for blowing him off twice. If i were him, i would of moved on by now.

if he is gay/closeted and interested, then he is having the same thoughts that you are. nut up and ask.

no, youve read my file wrong man. i dont think im to cool for school. ive always been on the the opposite side of that really. i just froze and didnt know what to do next. sorry im not as experienced as you mascbiguy...

Fuck ive been thinking about him all day...i really gotta make it right, if only for a new freindship...

 

[mascbiguy]

the "too cool for school" was in ref to the "i blew him off"

it has nothing to do with experience man. every one freezes, every one gets nervous when approaching some one there are into. i'd say it gets easier, but it doesnt.

it has to do with bitting the bullet man. you see some one youre interested in, then go for it, what do you have to lose? the more you sit and wonder, the more time is wasted that you could be building a friendship/relationship with him.

 

[beatleshead]

So i tried to pursue. I sat next to him and we kept looking at each other and stuff...he ask me some questions about the class (cos he was late which i hate cos i cant really hold a convo with em before class) and I made sure I was really nice. He seemed really nervous when i sat next to him which i thought was really cute. so late in the class the teacher was talking about something about dating and so she called on him and asked him if he was single....

...HE FREAKED OUT! he started babling between no, yeah, no, yeah, no and then he kept looking at me while he was answering and so she said make up your mind and so he said he "cohabitats with someone"...his GIRLFRIEND. whatever the fuck that means. then after he said that he looked at me and i must've looked kinda dissapointed. So yeah. its actually kinda funny when i think about it. I didnt sit next to him today and when he came in the class (late) he looked around like he was looking for me and then he saw me in the back and we kinda stared at each other...

which is actually starting to get a little annoying...oh yeah also today she asked us what stigma was surrounded by AIDS that made the disease ...and i said the answer...gay people (its a sociology class) and he turned around and stared at me for a long time. so yeah i dont know. I'll find somebody eventually.

 

[G-Lexington]

So it's been about four weeks, and you've shared about thirty-one "meaningful looks"...but still haven't really talked to each other?

Go...talk...to him. Get a better feel for him. Decide whether or not he's worth getting to know as a friend, or if you should just shove him out of the way and focus in another direction.

Lex

 

[beatleshead]

So it's been about four weeks, and you've shared about thirty-one "meaningful looks"...but still haven't really talked to each other?

Go...talk...to him. Get a better feel for him. Decide whether or not he's worth getting to know as a friend, or if you should just shove him out of the way and focus in another direction.

Lex

thats what i mean when its kinda funny...its silly. and its kind of hard to talk to him cos i only see him for that class and at the end of class we have a test so everyone leaves at a different time...ive tried to plan where we left at the same time so we could talk outside the class but it ended up in disaster and plus i ended up late for my other class lol plus like i said, he comes late everyday which i and a few other people come early and we talk to each other and stuff...so i dont have that time to talk to him either. so...i dont know. maybe the last day when were not doing anything ill talk to em.

 

[mascbiguy]

...HE FREAKED OUT! he started babling between no, yeah, no, yeah, no and then he kept looking at me while he was answering and so she said make up your mind and so he said he "cohabitats with someone"...his GIRLFRIEND. whatever the fuck that means. then after he said that he looked at me and i must've looked kinda dissapointed..

wait, so did he say "yeah i live with my GF? or just that he lives with some one?

 

[beatleshead]

wait, so did he say "yeah i live with my GF? or just that he lives with some one?

ultimately i dont know....but like he refered to that person as "her" and the teacher did too with whatever example the she was talking about....he didnt stop and say oh no its a guy i live with...but then again why would he lol but yeah i guess its a girlfriend.

FUCK HES SO CUTE!!!!! and smart...

 

[mascbiguy]

hmmmm....

saying "cohabitant with someone" and beating around the bush before saying it is kind of weird. Its real easy to say "yeah i live with my GF" when some one asks. People will always refer to some one as a "GF/her" when talking to a masculine/not out guy, Im sure if he's not out. he's not going to stop her in front of the whole class and say "it's not a her, it's a HIM, im gay"

since you guys are in the same class. ask him about the class. "you got notes for such and such" "hey we are having a study group" "hey man, so what are your views on ***** subject"
"hey, youre always late. you want me to save you a seat next to me(or on my lap)"

 

[G-Lexington]

You're given several chances to talk to him. TAKE one. Show up late like he does. Sit in the back and wait to turn in your test until HE's done, or turn it in and wait for him outside.

...

Once a guy was caught in a flood. He crawled up to the roof of his house. A few minutes later, a boat came by to rescue him. He said, "That's OK - the Lord will save me."

A few minutes later, with the flood waters still rising, another boat came by. Again, the man said, "That's OK - the Lord will save me."

The water was soon lapping at the roof of his house. A helicopter flew overhead, but he waved it away. "That's OK," he yelled. "The Lord will save me."

...a few minutes later, a wave came up, pushing him off his roof, and drowning him.

He got to heaven, and as God was letting him into the pearly gates, he asked, "God, I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything, but why didn't you save me?"

"What are you talking about?" said God. "I sent two boats and a helicopter for you!"

...

The boat's here.
GET IN IT.

Lex

 

[beatleshead]

OMG...im so proud of my self...but now im sad...

so me and my friend went to the student store and he walked in...he headed straight for me...i had to shoe my friend away (shes knows im gay so she cool but i just wanted it to be me and him)..she kinda didnt get the hint till very late. so it was just me and him and we talked about the class and stuff...then about each other...hes 21... and so the end part of this is that i asked him if he wanted to study for our final together (which is tommorow)...he said sure and so i gave him my number!!!! we were supposed to go at the library after my class ended...so i go there and hes not there and he didnt call. i dont have his number.

so now i feel like an idiot cos i have the strange feeling that i was so nervous that i think i gave him the wrong number!!!! in fact...i think the last four numbers i gave him were of my social security...i was THAT nervous. so now i feel sad. cos i really wanted to hang with him. i'll see him tommorow but its a final so we wont get to talk that much...im thinking about just giving him a note with the real number (if i didnt give him the right phone number, which is still possible that i did give him the right one) or wait for him after he finishes his final. i Like him ALOT. huhhhhh....

 

[G-Lexington]

Write a note NOW, before you go to class. Tell him you realized you gave him the wrong number, you feel like a moron, and here's the real one. Also say you realize it's a bit late to study together, but you'd still like to hang out.

Then get to class early, and give it to him BEFORE class begins. Not after. BEFORE.

Lex

 

[beatleshead]

thats the thing...his lateness is erratic...his almost never on time. i hope will be early tommorow. if he is ill talk to him rather than give him a note.

 

[G-Lexington]

Then get there early, and take a seat next to the door. When he shows up, call his name, and hand him the note.

Lex

 

[mascbiguy]

good man. if you dont want to be like "hey i gave you the wrong number" and then give it too him, but it was the right one and he didnt call. say some thing like "hey ........ i just changed my number and i think i gave you my old one, heres the new one".

ask him if he's taking summer school, what his plans are for summer, job, beach, major, etc.

 

[beatleshead]

So he wasnt there...he came late. so i waited for him to come out and he did. at first he was talking to the teacher but as soon as he saw me he rushed her off and then he started talking to me. we found a bench and we starting talking about stuff. he said he was sorry for not calling and that he was doing something though he told me he couldnt remember what he was doing. i told him i wanted to check if that was the right number that i gave him cos i changed my number( thanks mascbiguy lol.) it was right.

so we talked about the class and stuff and about life. then out of the blue he asked me if i had a girl...i said no and asked him did he. he hesitated at first and then he said yeah like he didnt wanna tell me. the he said "but..." and after that he mumbled something and he changed the subject really quick. he was really nervous. so we left and he walked me to my class and we decided we would hang out sometime.

he gave me his number, and we said bye to each other but we just stood there like we didnt wanna leave each other...i broke the weirdness and told him to make sure he calls me and he said for sure and then we parted ways. i looked back and he looked back at the same time. So there. I dont know. my head hurts, ima take a nap.

 

[G-Lexington]

Step one - complete. Next, set up a time to hang out. Sooner, not later.

Lex