i am going through a boy crisis

[spearsfan20]

in late march, i started going to the gay clubs to venture how gay life was like. i went to several clubs in the first three weeks from late march to early april (which i chose only one to hang out every weekend). i went to a club in town where some of my friends told me about in the past. i was dressed in a tiny floral dotted shirt that i bought from american eagle a few years ago and a pair of alec jeans that i bought from buckle two months earlier at the time. i decided to dress up like that so i could impress. i got hit on the very first night when i went to the club. the guy who i met that night talked to me and a couple of hours later we went back to his apartment to mess around. i didn't know what was going through my head why i was messing around with a guy who was never my type to begin with. a couple of weeks after i messed around with the guy i got hit on again by several guys.

months passed and i continued to get hit on from left to right up until i met my ex one night in july. he was from fort lauderdale and was with a few of his friends who was totally wasted. we hooked up that night and we messed around at his apartment. he supposedly asked me out on a date a couple of nights later and i agreed to go out with him. he was so sweet on our first two dates and we were boyfriends soon after. we spent 4 weeks in the relationship until one night we were at the same club where i always hang out. the woman behind him was complaining about him leaning on her because he was drunk. i pulled him away from her and he had the nerve to push me onto the bar table. i took him home that night and we carried an intense argument for a whole 20 minutes before i dropped him off at his apartment. he told me that a guy wouldn't want me and i was no good for him. i felt very emotional afterwards and we broke up.

a lot of things had changed after our breakup. i was trying to get my life back on track a week later. i promised to myself that i didn't want to get involved with anybody else because i felt i was getting used for no reason. ever since i've been single again, no guy has ever spoken to me. i am always getting ignored by the guys despite having a smile and speaking in their face and dressing my best. i thought maybe last night was going to be a change because i am dressing in an edgier fashion, my birthday was on friday, and i had lost more weight since the middle of august. all of the hot guys were in the club but none of them ever bothered to speak to me. i just can't seem to grasp why ever since i broke things off with my ex that a guy doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. heck, i even try calling my "suppose-to-be" guy friends to wonder if they want to hang out and they never return my calls. i feel like guys just don't like me or want to hang out with me at all. i don't ever want to continue thinking about what my ex said about guys not wanting me, but that's the way i feel most of the time.

 

[gameboy 11]

Hmm. How weird life can be, huh?

It does seem a bit off that you were getting hit on, and hit on, and hit on and then something bad happens with your ex, and people don't look your way.

I wouldn't stress it too much, cause what your ex said isn't true at all. I'm sure you know this, deep down inside.

I'm not the best advice giver, but I'd suggest that you don't give up. Keep going to the clubs if it helps you have a good time. But if you're feeling sulky, maybe you should stay home a couple nights and try and clear your head.

I hope I helped; even if it was a tiny bit!

P.S. As for the friends bit, in my experience, friends can be great, but I've learned that they aren't always there like we want them to be sometimes. But like I said, just don't give up. Try and keep that smile on!

 

[G-Lexington]

If guys wanted you before, they'll want you after. Your ex didn't put some sort of hex on you. If you were attractive/interesting before, you'll be attractive/interesting aftewards. I think only one thing has changed between your pre-breakup and your post-breakup. Your self-confidence has eroded. Because now you're wondering. "Will anyone want me again?" You obviously are thinking about this - you quoted your ex, and repeated it here.

End it here. Right now. Someone WILL want you again.

If only good-looking, extremely confident guys in the best fashion got guys, there'd be...what? TEN gay guys getting any? I was a balding pudgy guy with absolutely no fashion sense ten years ago, and somehow, guys still wanted me.

You're in a bit of a slump. No worries. It happens. Maybe try a different club. Or a completely different tack - go to gay-frequented coffee shops or stores. Keep your smile on, remain open, and something is bound to happen.

Lex

 

[DGr8Mack]

Great responses so far, also to keep it simple, it's all in your attitude. Ever see someone in a club (gay or str8) and wonder how in the world that person could EVER be with like the "dream god" they were? It's attitude, if YOU believe that you are desirable and someone to be around, others will too because you will act like it. Shrug off your ex's comments (personally I would only call him a prolonged hook-up, but that's me) hit those clubs, gyms or where ever else you choose with a new attitude that you ARE worth meeting and getting to know, and remember if you see someone you'd like to talk to, there is no rule saying that you have to wait for them to introduce themselves...

 

[rareboy]

I consulted the astrological calendar and a bloody mary and all I see for you is good.

Once you got rid of that excess weight and that extra asshole you were lugging around (your exbf) you'll be just fine. I think you may have a bit of a traumatized look right now though that you'll need to work on.

I'm all for trying the different venues. Maybe ones where immature louts like your exbf don't get completely wasted and act like louts.....I suspect you'll find the type of guy you're really looking for somewhere other than a dance palace.

And now that Venus will be ruling your stars, all heavens should break loose for you.

 

[SantaCBear]

Perhaps... When you FIRST started going out you were 'new' to the scene and therefore more desirable (sad but it happens) but now you're not so new.

 

[theFallenGod]

What a lot of people don't understand is many people have this innate ability to sense confidence..... the more confident a person is the more likely they are to be picked out of a crowd....

When you first started hanging out at clubs you knew you looked great you knew you were impressive... that confidence showed and people were hitting on you... than you meet this bottom dweller who tells you you aren't worth a shit and your ego and feelings are bruised... now when you go out people feel the lack of self confidence and are turned off by it...

What you need is to forget the ex totally and whole heartedly and look at yourself in the mirror and say I'm fucking hot and go out again knowing guys hit on me before because I fucking hot and they're going to hit on me again....

 

[gameboy 11]

I think you have received decent advice so far. Take it personally (well, most of it )

 

[spearsfan20]

i really can't thank you guys enough for helping my situation out. i never really thought i could hang out at other places besides a club and bars to regain my confidence and pick up guys that i once did in the past. some of the stuff i read about from the FALLENgod's reply

When you first started hanging out at clubs you knew you looked great you knew you were impressive... that confidence showed and people were hitting on you

really opened up my eyes and made me realize that i am not this new kid in the gay scene anymore. i shouldn't have to carry what my ex said to me around me. i am much of a stronger and better person than that. it is so ironic that confidence was mentioned on this thread because my best friend and i were talking about that last night. she asked me was i happy with myself in terms of personality and my style. i told her yes. she stated that the lack of confidence that i have (or so that i am re-working on boosting my confidence level) has made me become vulnerable to guys taking advantage of me or ignoring me every time i step my foot forward. so the best way to be confident again is to take theFallengod's advice

What you need is to forget the ex totally and whole heartedly and look at yourself in the mirror and say I'm fucking hot and go out again knowing guys hit on me before because I fucking hot and they're going to hit on me again....

after reading all of the great replies that i received, i feel renewed and much better now than i did four weeks ago since my breakup. i am going to go through a new week and a jumpstart to being the "me" that i once was. i wouldn't have done it without your guys' help. thank you guys again!

 

[backpacker]

I find it's often the vibe you give off that determines how many guys hit on you. When I go out while in a great mood, I'm far more successful than when I'm tired and convinced myself to go out. The point about not being the new kid on the block anymore also is very valid.

Remember, you don't need to wait for guys to hit on you, you can always be the one hitting on guys. Good luck!