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    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

I Am Going To Be A Daddy...

Thank you Candyapple and everyone else who is supporting me :D

Yes that night was a mistake but i will end up getting a very beautiful baby boy or girl that i will love with all my heart for the rest of my life.
 
I agree that you should first find out if it's your baby, but I wouldn't hold out much hope. Yes, she lied to you, but "I changed my mind about the abortion" is a very different kind of lie than "I had sex with somebody else around the same time."

As the father, you have certain responsibilities. You might even be legally obligated to pay support -- I don't know how things work in the UK. You should see a lawyer, or at least do some research on the Web.

As for moving in with her, I'd think very carefully about that. Unless you're planning to live as a couple, any other arrangement will probably drive you both crazy within a few weeks, especially with a kid needing constant attention.

Perhaps a better solution is to act essentially like a divorced dad. Live in the same town so that you can see them as often as possible, but don't move in with her.

And in any event, I'm thinking the best thing that could happen for all of you is for her to find some other guy who will love her and can be a stepdad for the kid. Since you said you're not willing to marry her, at least leave her free so she can find somebody who will.
 
Just Be the Best Dad U can Be and that doesen't require marrying the Mother.I've fathered Two Children with the same Mother and became a Great Dad but a not a good husband
 
BiAndSingle said:
Yeh, i was drunk but who are you to call someone immature, you dont even know me... I never ever really drink, and if i am drinking its socially. Unfortunately that night i was incredibly depressed and thought i would go to the house party i had been invited to to get my mind off things, and then of course to feel better i started drinking... At least i was mature enough to use protection which i must say isnt that great!
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Whoa! What do you mean you used protection? If you mean a condom, then how did she get pregnant? And I don't care how drunk people get, they don't black out to the extent they can't remember shagging, unless, that is, drugs were involved. And--if you were that drunk, you would probably not have been able to get it up. This becomes an increasingly interesting story as it turns and twists through its changes.
 
Be honest with her. Explain you will take full responsibility if it is your child. Tell her she lied to you about the abortion and she could be lying now. Tell her you will require a DNA test before you will sign any papers of take any responsibility. Get a lawyer. If you cannot afford one, go to your local county, provincial or prefecture human resource office and ask for their assistance. Tell them you will accept responsibility if it is your but you need a paternity test. They should be able to help you. Stand by your statement. Do not cave in to her whining, begging and crying. Remember the first time you had sex? Did you stop then or go for more. She probably tried it again as well. Plus, she would not be the first woman to try to pin paternity or STDs on the wrong guy.
 
cynicus said:
Whoa! What do you mean you used protection? If you mean a condom, then how did she get pregnant? And I don't care how drunk people get, they don't black out to the extent they can't remember shagging, unless, that is, drugs were involved. And--if you were that drunk, you would probably not have been able to get it up. This becomes an increasingly interesting story as it turns and twists through its changes.
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Changes...? I dont see any changes, only me telling you what actually happened :confused: Are we on the same thread as each other... I really cannot be bothered explaining myself to people who judge me for a mistake i made. At least i am doing the right thing by going back to support her and the baby, i could of easily told her to have an abortion at the time of her telling me and it probably would have been over now, or i could stay here and leave her on her own to raise the baby herself as a single parent.
But no... I have booked a flight back home for tomorrow afternoon and will be going to see her tomorrow night.
 
Regarding the paternity test: CVS, or chorionic villus sampling, is done from the 10th -12th week of gestation. Since the incident happened in December, it would be about that time, depending on when in December it happened. After the 12th week of gestation, the amniotic fluid around the fetus impedes the procedure. I would wait until the 15th or 20th week to get an amniotic fluid paternity test, as the risks of inducing birth defects or miscarriage are less. Also, greater testing can be done to detect genetic disorders and birth defects. Best of luck.
 
Homoerectus said:
Do not cave in to her whining, begging and crying. Remember the first time you had sex? Did you stop then or go for more. She probably tried it again as well. Plus, she would not be the first woman to try to pin paternity or STDs on the wrong guy.
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Ohhh, such charming statements! Women, they're such lying manipulative whiny nasty bitches, aren't they?

I don't really see how this woman 'lied' about the abortion like some people have been saying here. She said she was going to get an abortion, then changed her mind. Happens a lot - for many women, there's a big difference between deciding to get an abortion and actually going through with it. Abortion is a pretty huge thing, and I know some women personally who were going to have one, then changed their minds at the last minute. Not that anyone condemning her here would understand that, of course, being men. #-o

I think a lot of the comments here reveal far more about how the posters think about women than they do about this situation.

And as for getting pregnant when they used a condom - you don't honestly think that condoms are 100% effective against pregnancy, do you? They're only about 97%.
 
It appears that she has not yet told her parents about the pregnancy and that there'll be considerable flak when she does. She made a unilateral decision to have the child when she knew it was against the father's wishes and against her parent's wishes. This was not a planned conception.

It seems you are the only person prepared to offer her support and it's understandable that you're experiencing a mixture of guilt, blame, excitement and doubt. In this state of mind I think you would be foolish not to seek legal advice. You need to understand legal definitions of paternity. You need to understand how actually living under the same roof as the mother will create legal resonsibilities that will limit and control your life and what you are able to do and accomplish for the next 18 years. You need to consider that once you place yourself in this situation, a situation that evolved against your will, that you will be making yourself extremely vulnerable.

What if the baby is born with a disability? What if the mother dies? What if you develop a relationship with the child and in a few years the mother marries another man who adopts your son as his own? What if you form a relationship with another person and the mother then takes out a restraining order against you? What if you have to choose between the guy you have feelings for and your son?

You are at a cross-roads and the decision you make now will effect you for the rest of your life.
 
spreadeagle said:
It appears that she has not yet told her parents about the pregnancy and that there'll be considerable flak when she does. She made a unilateral decision to have the child when she knew it was against the father's wishes and against her parent's wishes. This was not a planned conception.
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Where does BiandSingle say it was against his wishes? In his first post, he said he was against the idea of her having an abortion. And I think it's pretty obvious to everyone reading this that it wasn't a planned conception.

And why does it matter that it's against her parents' wishes? She's entitled to make a 'unilateral decision'. It's her body, nobody else's.
 
I don't think you have to marry her or anything. You can be a supportive father without marryign her. She may love you, but you don't want her sexually and therefore, probably not emotionally. The child will be fine so long as you support it as equally as she does and spend time with it.

That way, in the end, she can find a man who can devote his life to her and the baby and you can find a man that you love and who will share in your child's life.
 
slobone said:
I agree that you should first find out if it's your baby, but I wouldn't hold out much hope. Yes, she lied to you, but "I changed my mind about the abortion" is a very different kind of lie than "I had sex with somebody else around the same time."

As the father, you have certain responsibilities. You might even be legally obligated to pay support -- I don't know how things work in the UK. You should see a lawyer, or at least do some research on the Web.

As for moving in with her, I'd think very carefully about that. Unless you're planning to live as a couple, any other arrangement will probably drive you both crazy within a few weeks, especially with a kid needing constant attention.

Perhaps a better solution is to act essentially like a divorced dad. Live in the same town so that you can see them as often as possible, but don't move in with her.

And in any event, I'm thinking the best thing that could happen for all of you is for her to find some other guy who will love her and can be a stepdad for the kid. Since you said you're not willing to marry her, at least leave her free so she can find somebody who will.
Click to expand...

luminum said:
I don't think you have to marry her or anything. You can be a supportive father without marryign her. She may love you, but you don't want her sexually and therefore, probably not emotionally. The child will be fine so long as you support it as equally as she does and spend time with it.

That way, in the end, she can find a man who can devote his life to her and the baby and you can find a man that you love and who will share in your child's life.
Click to expand...

Slobone and Luminum have good advice. There's no need to move in with her. You can be a good, supportive father in other ways. I only lived with my daughter for a short time and it hasn't affected out relationship.
 
I hope you are having a safe flight and you arrive in the city with a clear mind. I hope you are able to stay firm and convince her that a paternity test is the best option for you three. I hope you manage to be a happy gay dad and find another guy who wants to share paternity with you.

I am sure this doesn't mean you won't be able to be happy. This is an opening for a new life, but that doesn't mean a worse one, if you learn how to deal with news problems. But you seem to be a cool-minded guy (except when a girl gets you drunk, he he he) so you'd find it easier than it seems now.

Good luck
 
Well i am back home now.. had an alright flight i guess and went to see the mother this morning. She was quite surprised to see me and also pleased. I probably should have told her i was coming back but i wanted to surprise her i guess... We had a good talk and i managed to throw in having a paternity test which she said was fine because she has nothing to hide from me and can honestly say that the baby is mine but to put my mind at ease she has agreed to the test.
Off topic, but, my college has thankfully taken me back and said because i wasn't away that long there will be no problems with me catching up on anything i have missed... And i also seen him today, he was more shocked than the mother was, his jaw practically dropped lol. (Will explain more about this in my other thread)
Anyway i will keep you guys informed on what happens and will speak to you soon.
 
HalfAPerson said:
Talk about the oldest trick in the book and before anyone condemns me I am female. A girl wants to get or keep a guy, get pregnant, and don't say it takes two, guys always want sex so it's easy.
I have even discussed it with friends, want to get married, scared your bf will ditch you, get pregnant.
I am just giving a woman's perspective, it's so damn easy, obviously even with gay guys.
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You're a woman?? So how come you posted this? http://justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2223784#post2223784

"don't say it takes two, guys always want sex so it's easy"

Nice way to absolve men from all responsibility for pregnancy, etc. After all, it can't possibly be their fault if their sperm ends up in someone's vagina. All men are just horny all the time, they can't be expected to remember things like contraception and actions having consequences. The poor, stupid little darlings.

"I am just giving a woman's perspective, it's so damn easy, obviously even with gay guys"
Check out the OP's name. 'BiAndSingle'. *BI*. Not gay.
 
It's cool that you're going to be a dad. Taking care of a baby is hard work but if you stick with it, I think it should pay off in the end. I'm sure you'll be a good dad anyway. Good luck! ^_^
 
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