I am going to married

[PieRules]

I think you said it yourself. You don't love her.

While there are a lot of marriages that have been built solely on convenience, I hope you tell her the truth in that you don't love her. It's unfair to string her along, going through with the marriage and its expectations, but in your heart you don't love her.

It takes two people to make the marriage work. If you're already going in with one person not committed to the marriage, it most likely won't work and you will probably be left unhappy, unfulfilled, and thinking of what should be or could have been.

Please take her feelings into consideration.

 

[Alberto_15]

Poor girl, I hope she has better friends than you.

 

[conrad]

Wow. There is such a thing as growing up to the point where you accept your situation and then move on to alter the situation so that you can eventurally find yourself satisfied with yourself and your situation.

Those who advise that you should seek professional help are right on target. This forum is great for "unloading" but it is not the place to seek validation for a course of action that nearly all of us see as jammed full of troubles ahead.

It is not proper ever to use another person in such a way as to deny the rights of that person. You don't indicate that you have been honest with her.

Friend, how will you answer when you are asked whether you are willing to love and to cherish? Those are rich and wonderful words and when you say you don't love her you self-describe yourself as a fraud. I sincerely hope she gets wise before the fateful day.

Beyond all that, I want to say that you have taken a good first step in posting. I hope you did so thinking that somebody ought to talk you out the thing you plan.
As a happily married man, I will tell you that at your age I could have gone either way; I freely acknowledge that if I were not married now I still could go either way. I have long ago concluded that for me it is not the sex of the other that determines/determined my choice; when I found myself in a relationship with a person I was willing to bet the rest my life on and that person was equally willing, I gladly committed myself to her. Love requires real commitment and I don't detect a hint of that in your post..

The wonder of life is really a paradox: things change; things stay the same.

Marriage can be close to heaven, but it can also be hell on earth.

Peace!

 

[luminum]

I don't wish you luck. I wish her luck. Did you tell her this? Because she deserves to know that you're marrying her ebcause you want to gain this 'accesibility'. You only deserve to marry her if she knows and says its okay.

If you have not told her, then you are doing her a severe injustice. Would you like to be married to someone who didn't love you who you loved? You are using her. That is unfair and completely wrong of you.

You either tell her everything--why you're marrying her--or you better not marry her at all.

 

[MetaKnight]

gay or not, you shouldnt marry someone u dont love.

 

[gewhite3]

OK, I was a bad boy and a post I made in this thread got removed. However, that happened because I don't like to see people making obviously critical errors in their lives, especially when those errors spill over into the lives of others and cause hurt and unnecessary anguish. Point taken, I will take my licking.........now I keep on ticking...........respectfully.

Juicyflower, I think you have enough posts here in this thread to realize that you are making a big mistake. If you read and heed. I emplore you to stop right now and think this over, seriously. Don't don't don't mess up somebody else's life for what you want or THINK you need. Sort yourself out before doing anything, Please.

 

[rareboy]

I hope this story is fake because you're committing social & psychological suicide here.

I think this said it all. I know I found it hard to respond politely to the original post. I'm still hoping that it is someone's idea of a joke to see how we would react.

 

[Riverrick]

His first post in this thread really says it all. He feels normal now and fits into the normal world. He doesn't want to give that up. And that's understandable.

Juicyflower, unfortunately your sexual orientation is not going to go away and will sooner or later invade your normal world. Can you imagine what will happen if you meet a guy and fall in love with him? Do you know how crazy in the head that will make you and how it will make your marriage seem unimportant? Then you'll have a huge crisis of whether to stay with your wife or leave her. And that will be a big mess.

Please think this through carefully.

 

[_AJ_]

... it is true i did not inform her that i have homo orientation (but i told her that i never make sexual intercourse with man or woman until now). I did not lie to her only the fact is she did not ask me and i did not tell her.

a lie of omission is still a lie

you need to tell her!

 

[Jory]

By getting married to this young lady do you know that you are giving to those who do not want us homos to marry are soul mate. The ammunition that they need."Homosexuality is a choice, not something you are born with"............Bullshit



But then again it's your life after all it should effect us anyway if you marry her. Just as long as no one I mean no knows the real you. Have fun with your smoke and mirrors

 

[luminum]

She only wants to be with you or "use you as you" because she thinks you love her too. Do you think she would be with you if you told her you were gay? Do you thinks he would be happy with you if she knew you were gay? If the answer is no, then you are NOT making her happy. You are USING her as your problem solver that you think God gave you. God gives you problems that you have to solve on your own and with the help of others, not by using other people.

To you, does God think that marriage is about love? Do you think God wants marriage to be mutual love? Does God think that marrying someone you don't love and keeping secrets is the right thing to do? Think about the things you are saying.

If you do not think she would marry you if she knew you were gay then YOU SHOULD NOT MARRY HER. She is only marrying you because she thinks you are someone you are not. She thinks you are someone you are not because you have not told her who you are. You ARE lying to her. Tell her the truth.

 

[JackFTwist]

... I am agree with u,... rick you get cereal everyday as breakfast, when u didnt get it- you'll find your stomach inconvenient. <clip> I do hope, if you live with woman everyday, u will feel unconvenient live with man or attract to him. I guess.

sex and sexual orientation is not a food choice, it is part of what defines who you are. Your guess is very wrong. I had six happy enough years of marriage. The I met "him." Then I had two years of hellish marriage and the life long consequences of the divorce. No length of time living with a woman is going to amke your desires for men go away.

... but let me tell you...
... i am not playing to someone's heart feeling, i will take all the consequences...
... she is cute, lovely and... she needs me, i need her...

You need her because she is a friend and you are lonely. You will not take the consequences - she will - she will be shattered at worst, deceived and live less than the life she deserves and dreams of, because of your deception and dishonesty to her and yourself. You did not play to her heart felings - she is in love with you, according to you, but you have led to her because you did not tell her and you can't tell her, can you, you are going to really hurt this woman someday in ways she never deserves as she will be the one who bears the consequences. I have been there. I know this. And I loved my wife. You don't love your friend. You are using her and she will pay the price.

... it is not a fairytale story...
... but i wish a happy ending story...

I wish to win the lottery. Not a way to live one's life (and ruin someone else's life), on those odds.

 

[rareboy]

You appear to be remorseless and essentially egocentric. I think the issues you are working through require professional help if it is available to you.

 

[Candyapple]

Can you not see that what you're planning to do to this woman is horrible and cruel? Marrying her is not going to stop you being attracted to men. It's not going to 'cure' you. All that's going to happen is that 10 or 20 years down the line, you're going to realise that you can't live a lie any longer. It's going to come out that you're gay, and it's going to destroy her. She'll realise that her married life has all been a lie. That a man she thought loved her actually doesn't - at least, not the way she thinks he does. Not the way a wife should be loved by her husband. She's going to realise that you used her as a prop to make yourself appear 'normal'.

"I promised to my self that i will never attract to man (become gay)" But you ARE attracted to men!! How can you 'promise' yourself that you never will be?? How can you think that you're able to have any control over it?

Even if you don't love her, you say she's your friend, so you must care about her in some way, at least. Does it really not bother you that one day you're going to destroy her life? Can you really live with that?

"I did not lie to her only the fact is she did not ask me and i did not tell her."

You might try to kid yourself that you're not lying to her, but I'm sure you know that you are. Of course she hasn't asked you directly 'are you gay?' - there's no reason why she would, because you've led her to believe that you love her in the same way that she loves you. Lying by omission is still lying!!!

I don't wish you luck. I wish your 'friend' luck. I beg you, please don't do this. Don't ruin another person's life. At the very least, be honest with her about who you are. Please think very carefully about what you're inflicting on another human being - one who loves you.

 

[Riverrick]

Thanks for responding to the posts. A lot of guys never do that especially when they are not hearing what they want to hear from us. You are standing your ground and giving us your reasons and I do respect you for that.

So what you are saying is that your homosexual orientation may be a problem in your life that is there for you to solve. And so far you are not convinced that it cannot be solved. Also, that you have great hope that you will fall in love with your wife as you spend more time with her and live together.

So, what about the guys on the board who have already tried this? The ones who have been married and it didn't work for them? Didn't they try hard enough? And what about the rest of us that tried to solve our homosexuality before coming out? What answer eluded us that you are going to find?

I just want to mention that I do place some responsibility on your soon to be wife. She knows that something is missing but is choosing to ignore that in order to get the greater prize, a nice husband. In my eyes she is at least partially a willing participant.

 

[M4P]

Good luck juicyflower

 

[3nipples]

All the best.

 

[JackFTwist]

the commitment is to faithfulness, to only want the one you marry, which this guy cannot do -

the thread covers it all quite thoroughly

I cannot wish good luck on this, sorry

 

[3nipples]

You can't know what things are like for him. It's not fair to be so judgemental towards someone from a different culture.

 

[JackFTwist]

You can't know what things are like for him. It's not fair to be so judgemental towards someone from a different culture.

every culture has it things

we all have choices within our cultures

we all have responsibility for the choices we make

no one is being judgmental but we were asked for a blesssing, and that I, and others, cannot give, and it is an act of love or at least friendship to say why