i am in love with my straight room mate

[Seasoned]

Did you begin this thread to find ways to make him your lover or to find ways to be content knowing you won't be lovers? You have choices. Getting on with your life doesn't exclude him from your life. But it is time for you to have a life that fulfills your sexual needs and wants. If you can't or won't do it on your own seek therapy.

 

[pandh200]

Any updates? what happened since?

 

[thegentleman]

Wow, you sound like me. I have a straight friend who I am in love with as well. To make matters worse, he has a girlfriend who I am also friends with and I work for him. We started off as co-workers and when he bought over the small business he was working at as his 2nd job, I convinced him to hire me. He knows I am gay and always tells me he loves me. Sometimes he'll even touch me/hump me and I'll do it back to him (though I will admit it's more me than him), and he doesn't seem to mind. I know he loves me very much, but sometimes I wonder if he secretly has some type of sexual attraction for me or a love for me beyond just a friendship, and is just afraid to make a move because he's never been with a guy before and doesn't want to think of himself as "gay". He has a gay brother though, so sometimes I wonder if he is just more open and comfortable with me because of his brother, and his girlfriend's brother is gay as well.

Sometimes, I feel like the only way for me to "get over him" is for me to quit my job and start working elsewhere. I don't think there's an hour that goes by where I don't think about him and I've had feelings for him for about 5 years now. It's hard for me to meet people as I don't really have any gay friends. I tried to be friends with his brother, but he's very flakey.

It sucks, because like you said, he's everything I want in a guy. And the fact that I've become close to his girlfriend doesn't make it any easier. It kind of makes me feel guilty, but I try to remind myself that I can't help how I feel and that my feelings/attraction to him began before he even met his girlfriend. I think they are going to get engaged soon, and I'll probably be devastated. However, he is always saying how he wants me to work for him forever, but he wants me to be happy and do whatever it is that I want to do. I used to worry that if I quit, he would stop being friends with me and I probably wouldn't see him again. But I don't feel that way anymore. He told me that our friendship is for life, and I truly do think he loves me, though probably not the way that I hope he does.

I don't know what advice I can give you other than to keep looking for someone who can actually return the feelings you have for them. Try online dating and apps like Tinder. I've had pretty much no success with those, but it's a start and better than nothing. And it does sort of sound like he is using you a bit, financially. It's a tough situation, but I think eventually you will grow tired of living like this and you'll either move out, or just crack and tell him how you feel and I guess that would help you make your decision and give you some clarity.

Good luck.