I am sorry

[BlondeCanadian]

First off i do apologize for this long rant and rave but i do not really have anyone else to talk to. I am for the first time in my life seriousily depressed, well bad enough that i think i may go to the doctor and get it checked out,

Since I do not want to bother anyone in my life with my issues I am going to ant here and hope that either someone has a experience to share, advice or even just that writing this all done would be cathartic(sp been a long time aha)

First off I just turned nineteen yesterday and did absolutely nothing on my birthday I didnt even have a cake or see anyone but a friend who stopped by for about an hour, This isnt quite as bad as it sounds because a) i partied way to hard the night before and was hungover and strung out, i tried cocaine for my first time and did some e (third time doing so in the last week) my family is away on vacation and never home and we went out for dnner for my birthday a week early. All my friends are very busy because they are all leaving for college or university in a couple days and we had gone out the night before so it isnt that big of a deal,

This alone would not have been a big deal but coupled with the fact that i am not going back to university because i have no clue what i want to do anymoe and am living in my very absent parents basement in a small town with like no gay guys my age has me a little upset because i am directioness and alone. I am currently working a dead end job making ten dollars an hour at a call centre and barely payin off my debts and not making enough to save alot for school.

Add on to all this the fact that my grandpa just woke up from his coma last week after having a AAA or widowmaker anorism in his stomach, we have finally been rejoicing over this and going to see him more etc etc when the other day he got a bad infection and was put back into a coma, my grandmother who already lost her first husband 7 years ago is now completely depressed and i am afraid suicidal and she cant even bring herself to see him and has given up all hope. she lives nearby and me and my sister have been trying to visit her and keep her up and i took her to see him at the hospital which is an hour and a half away, but lately i feel like i have nothing to give her an there is nothing i can even do.

So that is my life, i am overwelmed, tired, depressed, alone, fatter every day and at a complete loss for what to do. University was supposed to be my escape I moved from a small town to Toronto and hoped to get involved there and meet people but i missed out on rez and lived with a roomate with 0 personality and hated my program and didnt meet anyone and have now dropped out. While i can deal with each of these issue individually I am at aloss now and think i might need either councilling drugs or a combination of both to help me cope. ANd since my family is dealing with grandpa themselves and my friends are going to school, i do not want to dump on any of them so alas i have dumped all over you my fellow jubbers, thank you to whoever made it through this

 

[Eagle653]

You're going through a rough time right now, and you're feeling it. You're probably right when you say you're depressed--in fact, everything may be stemming from that. It's time to get to your doctor as soon as practical and tell him/her what you've told us. You'll probably get an Rx for an antidepressant. That Rx won't make your problems go away, but will change your perception on this and hopefully relieve the sense of helplessness that you're feeling.

The recreational drug-use, although not heavy, is problematic on a lot of levels. Not only will they not make you feel better, nor solve these problems, ultimately they will make everything worse. Put the brakes on all of your self-destructive behaviors before it's too late. The best way to do that is to get to your doctor, see a therapist, preferably both.

Life gets overwhelming sometimes and I'm sorry this is happening to you. But, you are in the driver's seat of your own life. Make your choices wisely.

Good luck.

 

[Seasoned]

You have quite a lot on your plate and no one to share it with in person. It's good you reached out here. Remember this about advice---take what you want and leave the rest. You have been self-medicating with alcohol and other drugs in order to cope. Should you see a doctor and a therapist? Absolutely. Please do it soon. Sorry about your grandpa. I know everyone is focused on him, but do try to find someone in the family to talk to if possible. Most of us are capable of dealing with more than one serious issue at a time. You certainly are. You are certainly just as important as grandpa and perhaps just as much in need of medical attention.

 

[Seasoned]

You have quite a lot on your plate and no one to share it with in person. It's good you reached out here. Remember this about advice---take what you want and leave the rest. You have been self-medicating with alcohol and other drugs in order to cope. Should you see a doctor and a therapist? Absolutely. Please do it soon. Sorry about your grandpa. I know everyone is focused on him, but do try to find someone in the family to talk to if possible. Most of us are capable of dealing with more than one serious issue at a time. You certainly are. You are certainly just as important as grandpa and perhaps just as much in need of medical attention.

Reach out here whenever you need to. Good luck. You have friends. Happy 19th Birthday. You have a great face if that is your picture.

 

[seven_sins]

Please don't do drugs man. You are on a self destructive path if you do. Is there a chance you can get a job in a larger town? Say, where the university you went to is? You need a change in environment.

 

[BlondeCanadian]

yes that is my picture, I am not doing drugs anymore It was just a week off and the my birthday and the last week with my friends. I am not doing anymore drugs but in hindsight i probably wouldnt ave even tried them if i wasnt doing all of this. I am going to call my doctor and make an appointment tomorrow. Thank you all for the advice

 

[blahblahblah2007]

Please don't do drugs man. You are on a self destructive path if you do. Is there a chance you can get a job in a larger town? Say, where the university you went to is? You need a change in environment.

Don't you realize that Toronto (where he said he moved to) is a big city, one of North America's major cities? Please tell me you know what Toronto is.

To the original poster: please please do not do those drugs. They complicate life, not improve or enhance it. Life is confusing enough already.

 

[BlondeCanadian]

Just an update for all i am now on anti anxiety and depression drugs even though they probably will not help since people who are depressed are usually depressed over nothing and i actually have issues or so my doctor says. and another update my grandpa died this afternoon at 4pm

 

[Kyanimal]

Oh, Wow! I am Truly, TRULY, sorry to hear about this. I can completely understand, since I have been through a lot of what you are experiencing now. Yes! It can be Overwhelming! The best way to deal with it is in little bites, one at a time.

First, and foremost, stay away from the "recreational" drugs and alcohol, especially in combination with your prescriptions. Though it is not possible to "medicate" everything away, for the time being, stick with only what the doctor ordered. Do not add to it. Eventually, the prescriptions will go away, too.

You are currently under a tremendous amount of stress. Whether we are aware of it, or not, our bodies deal with stress, in many different ways, with built in defense mechanisms. One of those is physical, and mental, depression. We have an urge to curl up into a protective ball, and try to shut out the rest of the world. It can be an extremely "comfortable" feeling, which is precisely what it is meant to accomplish. But, it can also prove to be quite dangerous if we succumb to it past it's practical time. Your prescriptions are probably designed to combat, and lessen that likelihood, and your doctor will wean you off of them when the time comes. Depression is not a condition to be unconcerned about.

The death of your Grandfather is your primary concern right now. Do not distance yourself from your family, and friends. Let your emotions out for grieving is the appropriate, and healthy, thing to do now. Honor your memories about, and feelings for him. And, take comfort in the thought that he would only wish the best for You! Do what you feel you should, not, necessarily, what you think might be "expected" of you. But, also, be respectful of what others are likely going through, now, too. This is a time of sorrow for his passing, but also a time to celebrate his life. Trust your Heart!

As for feeling "directionless" ... It's time to sit down, with yourself, and possibly others, to seriously figure out what it is You WANT to do. What are you interested in? What pushes your buttons? What do you find fascinating? What makes you Happy? What do you consider to be Fun??

No matter what it is you come up with, Chase it! Even if it isn't something that will be easy, or might seem impractical, or even crazy, GO for it! Again, Trust your Heart!

One Step, One Day, at a Time! Little by little YOU can dig yourself out of your current hole. It is truly all up to YOU! That can be a daunting responsibility/thought, but it can also be the most liberating, and powerful, "saving grace" of your life! (Take note of my sig. and quote.)

Given all of your current circumstances, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's going to be an easy climb. It's going to be Tough! But, I assure you, it's also going to be more than worth the effort! And, YOU do have the Power, and Strength, within You to DO it!

I am, sincerely, wishing You ALL of the Very Best!!

And, of course ... no matter what ... seriously ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[KaraBulut]

yes that is my picture, I am not doing drugs anymore It was just a week off and the my birthday and the last week with my friends. I am not doing anymore drugs but in hindsight i probably wouldnt ave even tried them if i wasnt doing all of this. I am going to call my doctor and make an appointment tomorrow. Thank you all for the advice

That's not exactly correct.

There are two types of depression- depression in reaction to stress and prolonged, chronic depressions that seem to be caused by an out-of-balance condition with brain chemicals. Antidepressants have a role in both types.

The chances are good that you have both types of depression. From the history you related, you had a chronic depression that was worsened by a chain of bad events in your life.

A lot of times we find that people who are using drugs- whether it be legal drugs like caffeine, tobacco, alcohol or the illegal kind- are actually depressed and they are self-medicating because the drugs make them feel better temporarily. That was probably a symptom of your chronic depression

It takes a couple of weeks for the anti-depressant medications to kick in, so give it time. It can also take a few trials of different meds to find the one that works for you and one for which you can tolerate the side effects. And remember that when you start feeling better you need to continue taking the meds.

The problem with these long-term depressions is that they really take the wind out of your sails. You have no energy and your life gets on a downward spiral. What the meds do is stop the downward spiral and give you renewed energy. But you are still going to have to work on putting your life back together. And you're going to have to continue taking the meds for a while so that you have you don't return to that low-energy, depressed state.

 

[BlondeCanadian]

i dont think i have chronic depression, I had never done any drugs besides light pot smoking before last week. I do not think i was self medicating, I was coping alight until everything sort of crashed all in a small period and i lost it, By and by though now that my grandfather has died i am sad but at least i have something to do, ie move on attend funerals comfort grandmother etc etc and i feel like it is all getting better

 

[Kyanimal]

And, it will likely get better as time moves on!

Hang in there, Young Man! "The darkest time is before the Dawn!"

Seriously ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[mydrew1]

Best of luck. Hopefully something pops up for you, as well as me