I am spoiled and I need help approaching a guy

[thefishinthesea23]

First I should start by explaining what I mean by saying that I am spoiled. Bear with me as English is not my first language and my translations could be strange.

So far in my life, in all the relationships I have been in I have always been approached by the other person. That is to say the person interested in me has always started conversation, asked me out and sort of pursued me. This does not mean that I never did anything and just sat back being lazy, but for the most part I have never gone out of my way to find anyone, “they” always come to me. “They” include one female and three males. Once past that initial difficult phase of a relationship I usually begin reciprocating the interest. I am not a diva or anything like that, this is just the way it has always been. I am actually quite shy and I guess I have grown spoiled with having my interest approach me instead of me going to them. I live in a very sexist Latin american society, so its always been convenient for me to be approached instead of me doing the "work."

My present situation however forces me to change my old “habits”. This guy in my college major art class has really caught my interest and I sort of get this vibe that he might be interested in me as well. However is very difficult for me to start conversation with him. As soon I start talking to him and he stares into my eyes my words get stuck in my mouth and I just become a mess. It has been leading to awkward moments where I just walk away embarrassed. The thing most confusing is how he sometimes show great interest in me and what I do, but he suddenly backs down.

It could be that he is just as shy as me or maybe he just not interested, but I need to know. I really like the way he looks, the way he does art, his smile and I just get nice feelings from him. However I don’t have a lot of experience from this side of the coin (pursuing my interest). First I don’t know if he’s gay, I wouldn’t know how to react if he is straight and I ask bluntly if his homosexual. Second I am afraid of being rejected! I have always rejected, but I have never been rejected *sigh*. Third I don’t know how much interested in him I should show, without appearing desperate or invading his space.

For example he has long black hair (usually tied in behind his head) and green eyes. Should I ask him how long it took to grow out his hair? Should I tell him his hair looks awesome? How do I tell him I am interesting without killing the chance to at least remain his friend.

Well anyways I am going to stop here. If you guys need more info ill gladly provided. I hope this isn’t too difficult to read and I appreciated any tips you can give me.

 

[sixthson]

I think asking questions is a good way to start. Most people like talking about themselves anyway. Just think about the kinds of conversations you have with friends that you are comfortable with and do that with him.

 

[Rolyo85]

If you are in art, that means you are probably in a very liberal environment. I know this isn't for everyone, but I always think the straightforward approach is the best one. That is not to say - be rude and crude, but let him know that you are interested in him. Those signals are very easy to pick on, and you will quickly know whether he is interested or not. In the end, being rejected sucks less than not knowing.

 

[Seasoned]

Your English is very good so don't worry about being misunderstood. I suggest you try to remember how people approached you and do the same with this guy. If you like his art talk to him about it and ask questions. Ask him to go for a coffee or a drink. Don't let his beautiful hair and eyes distract you.

Good luck!

 

[bw92116]

A good opening line is, "Are you having a good day?" This always seems to open people up mentally. Listen for his answers attentively and ask follow-up questions. Be a good listener. If he is interested in you, he will make the time to talk with you. Just be friendly and "let nature take its course."

 

[Kabluey]

Yeah - sucks when you have to do the chasing

Nothing ventured, nothing gained - follow the advice above - if it works then great - if not, on to the next one

 

[rareboy]

I'm not sure that directly hitting on someon is the best way to go unless you just want a quick fuck.

If you are looking for more, then just be yourself.

Compliment their art. Ask them questions about the ideas or the technique. Ask him about influences on his work. Ask him to grab a coffee.

 

[thefishinthesea23]

Thank you for your advice. I gave it a shot today and I think he just gave me what you call a cold shoulder. Then again men around here are in general so emotionally contrived (afraid of showing the most minimal of emotions?), that I have a hard time reading him. Perhaps I should approach him outside the class room.

 

[rareboy]

I wouldn't bother.

Just move on.

 

[Araigu]

I know this might have come late, but I can TOTALLY relate to what's going on with you. I mean, I live in Mexico and I'm majoring in a "less liberal environment" (hypocritical, that is), so I might be able to provide some understanding at least. I mean, the guys at these blogs are awesome, but we must admit conditions are different in Latin America, due to archaic mindsets over here.

Anyway, may you need some help, message me

 

[thefishinthesea23]

I know this might have come late, but I can TOTALLY relate to what's going on with you. I mean, I live in Mexico and I'm majoring in a "less liberal environment" (hypocritical, that is), so I might be able to provide some understanding at least. I mean, the guys at these blogs are awesome, but we must admit conditions are different in Latin America, due to archaic mindsets over here.

Anyway, may you need some help, message me

Thank you Araigu.

Just when I decided to forget about him, to add to my confusion, today at class he was really friendly. Talking really close to me (which in L.America is not a thing a common thing among men at least in Puerto Rico) and all smiles and that damn lovely stare that he does. Lately he was sitting far away, but today he just sat next to me and started complementing me on my work and asking me questions. Then there was this vibe again and his body language. I don't know what it is about the eyes when somebody likes you, but he had those eyes. Sometimes I think I am imagining things because I find him so attractive.

I tried really hard to just ignore it, but I am so weak! Now Im all like wondering if I should make a subtle move again. I did caught him checking out the guy that came in shorts today, but then again is art class so maybe he was just studying the human figure.

Gah never mind im just not going to bother!