I am starting to regret being financially independent... what the hell is wrong with me?

[Dominus]

At first I decided against making this post. I am fully aware it sounds like bragging. But what the hell, I don't really care what other people think of me anymore.

A few years back I quit my job and started my own rental business with the goal of financial independence, meaning not dependent on a job to live. The journey has been really hard. There's a stumbling block at every turn of the way. Even lost my husband on the way. Have made so much sacrifices.

Now that I'm here, I'm finding myself having a big empty hole that is killing me. I wake up in the morning not having a purpose. No more job to go to. And since the rental business is mostly passive income, I'm finding myself not really having anything significant or fulfilling to do.

I've tried to fill in this hole with various activities. For example, I've biked over 200 miles in the last couple weeks. I'm working out at the gym with practically no time limit. I've caught 3 ant queens and setting up habitats to start up ant colonies. I've been driving my truck further and further out to no-where just to explore. I've done projects to improve my rentals. I'm really trying hard to keep myself busy. And I'm doing things that I want to and when I want to.

But I am slipping away from a sense of fulfillment instead of going towards it.

Back when I was an engineer and construction manager, everyday I had something to look forward to. There were days when I worked up to 16 hours a day. Seemed like nothing but work work work work. And yet, deep down I never had this hole in me. I dreamt of being financially independent. I dreamt about wearing shorts and tank tops (and flip flops) everywhere I go. Including meetings and whatnot.

Now that I actually wear shorts, tanktop, and flip flops to everywhere including business meetings (fuck you if it offends you I don't care), I should be happy. I should be ecstatic that I don't have anyone to answer to. But I'm not. I'm feeling miserable.

And for some goddamn reason, I still get panic attacks for not having a job. It's been so ingrained into me that I need a job in order to live.

Did I eff up my life by quitting my career and go down the path of FI?

I know that most people would kill to be in my position. I used to be like that, too. Why am I not happy? Why am I having panic attacks for not having a job? What the hell is wrong with me?

 

[jjonn3]

It sounds like you are looking for a bit more routine and "a reason to get out of bed".

Have you looking into volunteering? Find a cause you are passionate about and get involved and set yourself a schedule of things you do for that cause.

Everything from kids at schools to the elderly at senior centers need people to help and they can't afford to hire someone and many do not have anyone in their life who can help. As you no longer need to "work" to fill your financial needs maybe think about "working" to fill your emotional / social needs.

 

[rareboy]

Go back and reread what you wrote.

Part of the problem is that it is finally all Me Me Me meaning you. you. you. You are all you have left now apparently.

I don't care if you are financially independent. So am I. And I don't have any debt like mortgages motivating me.

I thought you just wanted to keep on going until you had an empire. Although even then, I don't know why except to prove something to you parents and yourself.

If you have that much free time and enough money, maybe it is time to do as I have suggested many times before and look outward.

What can do for others? Can you use your time and skills to make other peoples' lives better instead of just sculpting muscle in order to live an empty life for decades more until you die?

And I don't mean taking on another poor student project as a relationship.

Can you help rehab a neighbourhood. Can you contribute skills for a non-profit housing group?

You might be amazed at the things you'll learn, the people you meet and the sense of satisfaction you feel.

 

[Riverrick]

I agree with the above.

When you get stuck feeling anxious or depressed, go do something for someone else. Reach out and help someone. Get out of your head.

 

[Dominus]

I thought you just wanted to keep on going until you had an empire. Although even then, I don't know why except to prove something to you parents and yourself.

I do want to keep going. But for now, I can't due to financial reasons. Remember back when I complained that I couldn't convince any bank to work with me due to my lack of business experience? I never solved this problem. So, I had to take out some less-than-reputable loans to fill in the holes. So, right now I have a 3 year plan to pay it off. Every extra penny I have is used to pay them off.

It would have been fine if I didn't have to go through the divorce. That really killed me financially.

That and yeah, I gotta prove something to my parents also. I know this sounds silly, but I'm actually the failure in the family LOL. There is tremendous pressure in my family to do well in life. Hard to explain this to outsiders.

If you have that much free time and enough money, maybe it is time to do as I have suggested many times before and look outward.

This is where I have the dilemma. Due to financial constraints, I've let loose all my workers, including my maintenance guys. So, even though I have a lot of free time I'm on call 24/7. Between all the apartment buildings, duplexes, triplexes, and SFH's, I gotta keep myself available. I can't really have regular obligations. It's a hurry up and wait kinda game.

Also, keep in mind that I've been pounding at this for only 3 years. My FI is a very recent thing. I really don't have that much disposable income right now as every extra penny is being thrown at the insanely high interest debts I have.

That said, you are right. Looking outward. I will try to have a new perspective on this.

 

[bedbugy]

get a passport and fly out of usa

 

[peeonme]

First thing is to put things in to perspective. What is happiness or fulfillment? If you hang your hat on material wealth and toys they are fun for a while... then they lose their charm.
Would you put up with yourself if you were obese? Poor? Living hand to mouth? I spend some time on YouTube listening to people tell others not to buy new cars or to do this, that or the other thing to "get rich". They point to Warren Buffett and speak of his secrets for getting rich. Sad thing is that Warren is in his 90's and will die as we all will one day.
He at that point will be no more wealthy than the folks that he sold mobile homes to when they die.
If you just traded one rat race for another by leaving your career as a civil engineer and becoming a landlord/ property owner then you have found that a rat race is a rat race.

When I mow a lawn (hardly comparable to your endeavors) I love to make it look like a fairway, I put stripe patterns on it and on a good day I see some rabbits or maybe a deer or two. I smell flowers and marvel as to how I feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. Then I smirk just a little about how I make upwards of $40.00 per hour doing this. It's fine to gloat just a little.

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