The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

I asked my bf to live with me ...

J

janguear

Joined
Nov 19, 2009
Posts
3
Reaction score
0
Points
0
he said he woud love to live with me but he can't and reason/excuses etc. He even suggested I sell my house and move to a location that would be better for his commute.

That was 2 or 3 weeks ago. Since then I've tried to take my friends advice to not press the issue. And ultimately I have actually been looking for a place that would make both of our commutes easier and a way to sell my house quickly. Anyways yesterday I decided I had to re-touch the subject and I was tryiing to simply tell him how I felt and how his rejection (however niceless put) kind of hurt. And he said he doesn't remember the conversation!

Seriously the living together conversation is one of the most important conversations in a relationship and he doesn't remember? I seriously put myself out there, opened up my heart and my home and he doesn't remember?

Needless to say I was floored. Kind of felt silly for trying to do what was necessary so that we could be together, for trying to build a future with him... or at least having that as my objective.

So now I'm just shocked I guess. And here at home alone! I don't know whether to give him more time? Take this as a sign that he isn't that into the relationship? And if so what does that mean? I just don't know.
 
Well, this is my opinion. Moving in together is a big step for a relationship. Your relationship must be strong and must be a sure thing. Maybe he is not quite ready for that step yet. Maybe he doesn't want things to get messed up when you guys start to live together, things do change when one moves in with another. How long have you guys known each other?
 
Depends on how you phrased it. Was it a sit-down, serious, let's-talk-about-intertwining-our-lives sort of talk? Or did you coyly text a "maybe you could move in with me lol" in the middle of a conversation?

The fact that he didn't simply demure, but gave an alternate solution - finding a place more centrally located - seems to indicate that he isn't simply blowing you off. But don't go pulling the drama queen routine. It's possible he's simply more low-key about this sort of thing. Don't assume "he must not care" - find out if he cares. Tell him that you were serious about him moving in, and tell him that it shocked and hurt you that he didn't remember the conversation. See where he takes things from there.

Lex
 
When you found out he didn't remember (say it's legit) you could have re-asked him and said, okay, so you didn't remember and so I'm asking you now, how about you move in with me?
 
We've been dating around 7 months and it was a serious conversation (I thought) and not an off handed remark. I took him to one of the best restaurants in town, was very romantic, and the night was dedicated to that ultimate question. So I can't really believe forgetting is legit... if he really cared!?> I don't know.

We discussed it more and now he says he just doesn't want to live with anyone.. he's not ready. Which to me means he just doesn't want to live with me, and he either iskn't secure in the relationship or doesn't feel the same as I do! I mean he already lives with someone. He shares an apartment actually he lives on a futon in the living room of a one bedroom apartment in the ghetto with a druggie. And if someone doesn't want to trade that for a great house in a great neighborhood with the one you love then something is definitely lacking or missing and maybe I'm in a one sided loving relationship?!? So what does that mean? Wait it out? Try to show him how much I care? Something just isn't right and I don't know if I have the patience to wait for it to turn right. But I do love him so.... I'm conflicted
 
Sounds to me like you are more into him than he is to you, and that you are trying to control the relationship. Forget all the "seems to me...showing I care....something isn't right...." You asked, he answered, and you seemed to think because he didn't agree with you, there is something wrong with him. The fact that your description of his living arrangement is soooo negative, yet it is one he prefers not to leave, is a testament to how unformed your seven month relationship is, and how different the two of you actually are.

Just my two cents...
 
You've made this decision into a test of the relationship. He failed the test.

The question underlying this is whether this is about you, your needs, your loneliness and your desire to make him and make the relationship into something that it well may not be.

From your recounting of the story (romantic to you, not memorable to him) and his current circumstances (1 bedroom apt, futon, drug addict roommate), it doesn't sound like you're optimistic about this guy being long-term relationship material.
 
I don't think I really want to control the relationship but I did have an expectation or at least an idea of how things would play out. I mean I thought we were at that level, no test involved, otherwise I wouldn't haven't opened my mouth and asked him to move in. Sigh. Apparently we are not, so I feel like there is something wrong, not with him specifically or me specifically but something. And I don't know how to turn off what I want or the resentment for not getting it I guess or how to regress so that we are on the same page again.

I once asked a girl to marry me. She said no, or that she wasn't ready. Something like that. And we broke up shortly afterwards.. mostly because of that no. And I equate this situation to that situation. We gays don't have marriage but we do have cohabitation. And a no is a real blow.
 
Maybe he just has cold feet. You have to drop it completely to give him a chance to think about it.

Otherwise you will end up like the girl you asked to marry you. Think about it, what if that girl said yes, what would you be doing to her in your relationship right now.

Change your thinking, it'll be a struggle. Grieve about him saying no and move on in your relationship to build it stronger by giving him space and time to thing. You have plenty of time and when he's ready he'll tell you. Otherwise, if it's a dealbreaker for you because of your internal struggle, then you know what you have to do.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top