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I came out to my mom tonite

B

bayern20

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I came out to my mom tonite. I just decided to go for it.

I told her to come in, have a seat, and told her I had to tell her something. As she sat down she looked concerned and worried. Now my mom is one of those moms that if you say you have a stomache-ache, she is concerned and she may very well cry. She is always there. She will stay up the nite with you if you have the smallest of issues.

As I began looking at her, she was sitting on my bed, I just started to cry. I guess the reason was that in a min or so everything was going to have changed. We would look at each other different and the relationship may never be the same again. I guess thats guranteed once something like this comes out, the relationship will change (but you hope its for the better)

She told me to not cry and that everything would be fine. She came over to me, hugged, me and then asked "are you sick?" I said, no. Then she said "then what, do you have some disease?" I didn't say anything on that since I knew she may very well view what I was going to tell her as that.

Finally I just said "I'm gay".

She said kind of like "nooo?!". She had a look of surprise/unsureness/a little smirk/grin like "omg, did he just say he likes guys too".

Basically she kept saying then that there was no way I was that. That I can be what I want as long as I think it. To not worry about it. And she said that if I was gay it was a bad "life", that I would be alone, and thats not a way to have a life. Basically that things would be too hard.

Definetley in denial but at least she did not go crazy.

She ended saying that she respects and loves me no matter what I "CHOOSE", and that there is no need for me to worry about it.

So I am happy I heard those final words..that is what I was hoping for. Otherwise, I think she will try hooking me up with girls..trying to make me straight, but its obviously coming from a loving side..wanting me to be happy. But I think thats something she will step away from as she realizes what I said.

I'm pretty happy with the result. Right now I'm not talking to dad but right now he is not a worry. I dont feel so bad him not knowing but maybe that will come too.
 
I'm so happy for you and your family, or your mom at least, (*8*) I wish you guys have the best relationship and maybe you can set as an example for myself to follow during my coming out.
 
Congratulations, Bud. Regardless of how things progress, you've taken a tremendous step for yourself. Remember to cut her some slack and realize that now that she has this news, she may experience a lot of emotions as she works through it, so as much as possible, be understanding.

And be proud of yourself. Hell, I don't even know you, and I'm proud of you. ..|

(*8*)
 
congrats...most of us have gone through with this once in our lives...its a mile stone in the process of becoming a proud queer individual...welcome to ur new life...may it keep improving
 
I am happy for you. As a recent come-outer I know exactly what you are probably feeling right now, and I know how emotional it was to do it. The next few days may be a little weird... it is amazing how much it effects you. You got a great response from your mother, and it will be easy to mop up the details later.

Just know that, whatever happens, it could not have gone on forever. It is better to get it over with and break those barriers down. She is your mother, she has a right to know, and if you are close with her it will break down a critical wall between you. I feel strange, but free, free because I am no longer hiding. You do not have to watch your conversations anymore, and you can talk about things openly, and all that... it is just better all around.

Good luck, and we are all proud of you. This is one of the hardest things a man can do, but also one of the most liberating.
 
I think your mom will come around. Regardless, way to be brave and step up. :) *hug
 
My mom's reaction was similar. Actually, she cried and said she didn't want my life to be hard and all of that. I knew it was because she loved me. I let her have her time to get used to it. It took me a while to accept it and I think sometimes it's unfair when we expect others to just accept it as soon as we tell them! She may need some time. Try to keep communication open and help her with the answers to her questions so she doesn't worry about you.

My mom is a pretty quick study and within a few days, I had my boyfriend over for dinner and she loved him. He and I have been together now for over twenty years and there are times that I think she may like him more than me! ( Not really.) The point is that she accepted the situation after a little time and I'm sure your mom will, too. Good luck! Keep us posted!
 
You at least got the good news - your mother accepts you, and loves you no matter what. The rest will just take a bit of education, and I wouldn't push the issue. No doubt she'll come around.

Congratulations - welcome to the other side. ..|

...I've typed that sentence, like, five times in the last two days. That kicks ass.

Lex
 
I suppose many parents think more of their children than the children think of themselves.

That being said, you've had - I'd imagine - at least a few years to come to terms with your sexuallity. She had 5 seconds.

Hopefully, with some patience from both of you, she'll come around and your relationship will be better than ever.

Congratulations and good luck.
 
Congratulations on your courage to come out. It will take some time for your mom to fully accept the news. In the meantime, enjoy your peace of mind.
 
You gave her the wrong signals by crying. It probably didn't occur to her that it was because of the tension of telling her, but instead, that you were crying because you were unhappy about being gay, so naturally she was trying to comfort you with what she thought you wanted to hear.

The main thing is that you got it all out... the rest will fall into place in its own time.
 
my mom is the most gay friendly mom ever. But when I came out 20 years ago at 15 she also cried cause of it being a hard life. Life is so hard in general and all my hard life problems have had nothing to do with being gay. I don't think it's a lonely life at all. In fact I enjoy my time alone cause I feel I am never alone! And I'm surprised your mom said about you choosing this life. I thought people knew better by now but still people think we choose this.
 
bluedragon

My parents are from the Former Yugoslavia (I am too..was born there. Came here when I was 9) So they are totally ignorant on the subject. There are no gay people from where we come from.
 
It would be far more meaningful if you were the liaison. After all, you are a gay man, what does she even need to know that you cannot share? Give her time to digest what she has now, then address any concerns or curiosities as they come.

There is a lot that is just inappropriate to just up and say, and too much information may hinder your relationship in this fledgling stage, but I would encourage you to gradually open up the conversations at tactful times. Periodically talk about a boyfriend, or if not a boyfriend, just a 'guy you like.' Talk about men from the perspective of a gay man, and ask her if she is doing alright with the news. You need to appear confident and strong, but also compassionate. This is some serious shit for a mother to be hearing, and, like I have suspicions of my own mother, she might be hiding some insecurities.

It might be good to tell her that you are alright, and that you are safe, and healthy. Her knowing that you are strong lends her needed strength as well. Just be around her and hug her and be extra close for a while. She needs to know you are here, and touchable, and still you. People are born worriers, do not let her worry alone.
 
Yeah. I was going to use the site and go along with her on it. But I guess more personal is the way. But its just that she thinks if I think a certain way, think 'straight" thoughts, I can be straight. Should I make sure she understands it doesn't work that way or do I wait?
 
You need to be your own advocate. She needs to understand what being gay is. If you need the right vocabulary to do it with, research on your own and then sit down with her. You have come out, but to me it seems the coming out process is still... processing. You literally need to say 'Mom, I am gay, that means I like men physically and emotionally and mentally, and I just do not get that sort of thing from women.' It is of course untrue, but if you rely on a website it makes your claim seem even weaker and more 'faddish.'

Do not be forceful, but be forthright. She needs to know you can never be made straight, and you will forever be who you are because it is who you are. Reinforce that it is not her fault, or anyone in the Universe's fault... it is not a 'fault' at all.

But take it slow, do not do it all at once. It is alright to be anxious, I am anxious, too, but even without your help I am sure she will come around... but a good heart to heart about who you are could never hurt. Just remember you are a new, remarkably large, and remarkably clear window into the gay community, she needs to see what is on the other side for what it is.
 
Yesterday I told her two things.

Once I told her, "Believe me, I dont choose this. Why would I want to have a harder life, be made fun of, etc, when I can take the easy route. No idiot tries to make things harder for themselve"

And when she suggested that it was in my head and if i change the way I think it will be all good, I said, "no..it doesn't work like that".

I never got into any detail with her but made sure to get that in.

Thanks Brer for your words..I believe it was yesterday I read your thread..I was already thinking of saying it to my mom..but your thread almost made it seem like it was meant to be.
 
It is good you just went and took the plunge. I had been waiting for the 'perfect' date and some bullshit... National Coming Out Days passed, so did my birthday, so did pride week... but then I was just like 'August first will do.' And I said a little prayer to make sure I did it before midnight, and when I saw 11:50 I was just like 'Let's get it over with.'

We will be stronger for it.
 
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