I came out to my mom tonite

[dkonfrost]

Otherwise, I think she will try hooking me up with girls..trying to make me straight, but its obviously coming from a loving side..wanting me to be happy. But I think thats something she will step away from as she realizes what I said.

Congratulations on coming out, very brave of you to take control of the situation and do it.

speaking from recent experience, do NOT give in to going out with the girls she sets you up with. my mother tried that tactic along with the "loving mom" angle. don't give in.

 

[mojoe54]

Anybody have a good website to show her that explains being gay etc?

Congratulations for coming out. I'm sure your Mom will be o.k. with it after a while.
There is a national organization called PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) that has helped many parents come to an acceptance of their gay children. You can find them online at pflag.org. Enjoy your new life!!!

 

[Riverrick]

Congratulations Bayern! What a brave man you are. I know that feeling of terror just before telling a parent.

Give her time. She is doing well all things considered.

 

[M4P]

Anybody have a good website to show her that explains being gay etc?

Once again, congratulations to you. In time your Mom will learn to accept the fact you're gay and continue to love you as she always has - perhaps even more. I can honestly say my relationship with my parents strengthened once the closet doors were kicked down

In the meantime, here's a website I'd recommend for your Mom:

http://www.pflag.com/

 

[bayern20]

Anybody have tips on things to help sleep when still anxious etc. I can lay down for 3-4 hours..with my eyes closed, seemingly relaxed..yet not fall asleep.

 

[Riverrick]

Anybody have tips on things to help sleep when still anxious etc. I can lay down for 3-4 hours..with my eyes closed, seemingly relaxed..yet not fall asleep.

You can try Melatonin 3mg one at bedtime. I like Benadryl (Diphenhydramine) 25mg..... I take 1/2 to 1 tab and it knocks me out. Its a side effect of the antihistamine and it won't work forever if you use it every night, but should help for a while.

 

[Neji]

Congrats on coming out. It's unfortunate that she got the wrong idea thinking that your emotions made her think it was something you did not want. Hopefully she will understand more as time goes by

 

[bayern20]

Yesterday I was telling a friend how dis-connected I felt with mom now. I felt/feel really vulnerable too. Thats kinda of difficult when you are used to being so close and connected, but then you feel down, and you dont really receive the same attention.

For example, for a good part of yesterday I felt really horrible. I barley slept, (maybe half an hour) I felt like crap. Mom came soon after she finished work to talk again. And maybe its my paranoia or what not, or just feeling so sensitive at this time, but I almost felt like she was not too sad about me feeling like that. She kind of had that smirk some time, and I almost felt by body language that she was saying "Well, this is how you are and what you get when you are gay". I just didn't feel that same sense of connection and love like usual..but maybe thats just me.

But thats all probably her way of covering up her feelings, because, to be fair, I have been smirking and smiling a lot infront of her because the whole thing is just unusual and uncomfortable.

I guess I want things to get to normal fast but its not happening fast enough.

 

[Riverrick]

Take it a day at a time. You'll adjust and so will she.

Unfortunately, it seems she doesn't understand that this is how you are made and that there is no choice involved. Otherwise, she may treat it differently.

I can't understand how straight people can think that we can get aroused by anyone we choose. I mean, they don't do they?

 

[backpacker]

Congratulations on coming out to your mom! I wish it had gone smoother, but I'm sure she will accept it in time. There is a post in this forum section titled Parents Stages of Grief. You should read that post as it may help you understand and deal with your mom's reaction. Good luck. Give it some time and I bet things will go back to normal.

 

[hairycub29]

first and foremost i want to start by saying how brave you are.....hugs...

my parents died before i had a chance to tell them i was gay... so im not in a position to draw upon my own experiences.
For your mum, i guess it may have been a shock to her, then maybe not (she may have kinda figured it all out before u told her). Mothers know everything im told .
but if she didnt have an inkling you were gay, maybe she is questioning how she couldnt have known....I guess our parents set out dreams for us when we are kids and how our lives will be...i guess we just throw them a little esp when they dont factor in the fact we may grow up to be gay.
For me the deal about coming out ,was for me to finally reveal the lil secret i had carried since i was 4years old (when i knew i wanted to marry a boy) , i wanted people to know that i am still the same ol schlub i always was and really im not that different. i always say to describe myself as "gay" can be boring way to describe myself because its a part of me not solely who i am.

Mate, you suddenly havent sprouted horns and 2 heads- you are still the same guy, try not to feel too disconnected from your mum...trust me you only get one beautiful mother, its great she is wanting to talk... maybe she is needing to see that she hasnt lost her little boy and that you are gonna be ok.....\
In terms of trying to sleep, lay down close your eyes and try do some meditation, slowly try and wind your brain down, deep breathing.

In time things will get better, im not a praying man but i will pray to "madonna and kylie minogue" that you will be ok ... you sound like a really sweet bloke
i wish you loads of happiness.... keep smiling......keep us posted on how you doing... we might be (in my case the ass end of the world) and havent met but you got support here from ya JUB buds

 

[ibox_2000]

First off, congratulations. The next time I see you, you're getting a big hug. I'm a bit jealous. My Mom died a couple of years before I came out to myself. So she never had the chance to know the 'real me'.

As many JUBers already said, give her time. She has lots of thoughts she needs to work thru' at her rate, especially if she never suspected. My sister told me that our Dad asked her a bunch of questions in the days after I came out to him (ex. "Was having [me] circumcised to blame?"). Maybe your Mom needs someone other than you to talk to. Anyway, we've met a few times. You're a nice, polite, funny, masculine guy. Your Mom has a good son and that hasn't changed. In a few weeks or months she'll realize that and your shared relationship will be back to normal.

My Dad was initially disappointed. Now in our weekly phone calls he asks about my bf; and not just as a polite thing to do. He's genuinely interested. Not bad for an 78 year old son of a baptist minister.

If she's continues to have trouble adjusting to having a gay son, don't push the envelope. I suggest restraining from asking sex questions or telling her details about your sex life. Probably avoid kissing a guy in front of her for now. In my case, while I'm out as gay to all my friends and family, none of them know about my kinky fetishes.

Regarding feelings of disconnection from your Mom: Are you sure these thoughts aren't just in your head? If so, be careful that it doesn't become reality. Don't treat her any differently, 'cause you're no different today than you were yesterday.

Regarding insomnia, marijuana helps me sleep thru a night because it stops my mind from racing. However, far be it from me to persuade anyone from doing anything illegal, esp. if you're already having paranoia.

Chin up. Being out is much easier and less stressful than being closeted.

 

[Riverrick]

How are you doing, Bayern?

 

[bayern20]

Riverrick

Things are going much better thanks. Things seem to be getting back to normal with mom. We have talked a few times more after this and thing seem to be getting back to normal. I am feeling a lot better generally.

Ibox

Thanks for the words. Appreciate it especially from someone I have met on a few occasions. And definetley think both you and your bf are great guys!

 

[backpacker]

Great update! I'm glad things are going well with your mom.

 

[Riverrick]

Riverrick

Things are going much better thanks. Things seem to be getting back to normal with mom. We have talked a few times more after this and thing seem to be getting back to normal. I am feeling a lot better generally.

Ibox

Thanks for the words. Appreciate it especially from someone I have met on a few occasions. And definetley think both you and your bf are great guys!

That's good news, Bayern. Things will probably keep moving along that track. And then you'll get to reap the benefits of being out to her, which is not more hiding or worrying about your secret. Good Luck!

 

[Eagle653]

bayern20, I'm sorry I'm so late coming into this thread. But, CONGRATULATIONS!

I am so happy for you. You did it perfectly, and I love the care, concern, and follow up you're providing your mother. You're a son any mother would be proud of!

I share Brian's recommendation about PFLAG. It's a wonderful organization, and certainly one that can benefit your mother enormously. I hope you can check it out. There are also chapters in many cities. If there's one near you, you can get some literature from them to share and discuss with her.

Congratulations, again. You're an inspiration to us all!