I Can't Bottom!

[rarenale]

Hi everyone! This is very embarazzing but I don't know what else to do, so I hope some of you guys can help with my problem. Basically I can't bottom.

Last year I did it with a guy twice and it was painful (like REALLY painful). So I have been afraid to try again, and every time I want to try it again with some other guy I just get really anxious (which causes my ass to "close" and my stomach and belly to hurt). I know that seems like overexaggerating, but it's true. I guess I'm just an anxious person...

Anyway yesterday I managed to find the courage to try again with another guy, and it was a living hell. I had to stop the guy five minutes in because I couldn't tolerate the pain anymore (I even used lots of lubes, but it hurt anyway). Obviously none of these guys were my boyfriends, so I couldn't really ask them to wait an hour before putting in, so besides being painful it's also quite embarassing.

What do you think I should do? I read every post in the All About Ass thread, but none of them seemed to apply directly to my case. What if I take some pain killers beforehand? Would practising with a Dildo for a while help? Or do you think I'm just not made for anal sex?

It's all very frustrating, and considering I'm 21 and I still haven't tried the "joys" of anal sex it's also quite depressing honestly.
Sorry for the long post! Thanks in advance for any suggestions!

 

[KaraBulut]

There are guys who are born to bottom. Give them a half-liter soda bottle and some lube and they've got enough to keep them busy on a lonely saturday night.

Everyone else has to learn to take it up the ass.

Buy a butt plug. Butt plugs have a gentle taper that allows you to practice relaxing until you can slip the plug in all the way. Once you get it in there, leave it in for a while until you get used to the sensation. This routine accomplishes two things-

1. It teaches your mind and your anus to relax at the same time
2. It teaches your mind and your rectum to not get into "I gotta poop" panic mode

Some crafty manufacturers have started selling buttplugs in "training sets" that have a small, medium and large size so that you can work up to mega-cock size.

It's important that you have some quality practice time instead of having these failed painful attempts. As you're discovering, when you're doing the deed with another guy, you're under pressure to get it in. The pressure and the expectation that it's going to hurt will just make you pucker up tighter. Once you get over the mental hump, the real hump will be a lot easier.

 

[rarenale]

Thanks for the help! I was afraid I was the only one with these kind of problems, but I'm glad to know there are people who have difficulties in the beginning. I'll try with a bit of practicing then, and hopefully next time I'll be able to do it without too much pain.

 

[ananda]

I second the butt plug suggestion, you might want to move onto a Dildo or something after Your ass just needs to get used to it. I think you have to train your ass to relax and feel ok (and hopefully good!) with something in it

 

[studyjock999]

so is that "i gotta poop" sensation normal
it hurts a lot when i bottom too!

 

[PABear]

I tend to get a "I need to piss" feeling when I'm getting fucked. But it seems like it's pretty normal.

 

[rarenale]

I finally followed your suggestions and bought one of those training set plugs. For now I got to the second one. I was wondering, is it normal to not feel any kind of pleasure with these things? I mean, I think I hit the prostate, but the only think I felt is pain and discomfort. I know I'm only at the beginning, but still.

 

[KaraBulut]

I finally followed your suggestions and bought one of those training set plugs. For now I got to the second one. I was wondering, is it normal to not feel any kind of pleasure with these things? I mean, I think I hit the prostate, but the only think I felt is pain and discomfort. I know I'm only at the beginning, but still.

The sensations of bottoming are complex. It's not just the prostate that is the source of pleasure. The area under the scrotum, the anus and the rectum all have lots of nerve endings that can enhance the sensations during sex.

How are you using the butt plugs and what in detail are you feeling when you are using them?

 

[rarenale]

The sensations of bottoming are complex. It's not just the prostate that is the source of pleasure. The area under the scrotum, the anus and the rectum all have lots of nerve endings that can enhance the sensations during sex.

How are you using the butt plugs and what in detail are you feeling when you are using them?

Well, I just put them inside slowly and I try to get used to the feeling of having something inside my body. Sometimes I can't control the muscles though and it just gets popped out. The feeling I have is mostly of fullness and slight pain, like I have something extra inside that should not be there. Last time, when I managed to put the medium one all the way inside, I just felt an unpleaseant feeling around the genital area, I don't know if that's normal.

Ok, kinda awkward to talk about this, but there you have it. What do you think?

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, I just put them inside slowly and I try to get used to the feeling of having something inside my body. Sometimes I can't control the muscles though and it just gets popped out. The feeling I have is mostly of fullness and slight pain, like I have something extra inside that should not be there. Last time, when I managed to put the medium one all the way inside, I just felt an unpleaseant feeling around the genital area, I don't know if that's normal.

Ok, kinda awkward to talk about this, but there you have it. What do you think?

And honestly, the awkwardness is also kind of connected to the inability to relax in a way. If you read through the forum, this is a question that comes up quite often and some of the issue is newness to bottoming but some of the issue does have to do with how comfortable you are with sex in general. Both will get better with time.

At this point, you probably should move back to the smaller of the two plugs. What sticks out in your last post is that the plug is popping out- if you have it all the way in, the narrow point that is near the end should be inside- the only part that is left on the outside is the base where you hold onto the plug. Once you have it all the way in, it should stay in and you should have to either push it out like you are taking a crap or you have to pull it out by the base with your hand to remove it.

Before you insert it, sit on the toilet for a bit and push any gas in your rectum out (in other words, fart). When you do this, pay attention to how you did this- to pass gas, you have to relax your anus and bear down which opens the sphincter. This is what you want to do when you're inserting and removing the butt plug. And as counter-intuitive as it sounds, it's what you will do when you're getting fucked in order to relax the muscle so that it doesn't hurt.

During your practice sessions with the plug, practice relaxing while you insert and remove the plug. Do this several times then push the plug all the way in and leave it. Lay there for a while and just relax. It may be uncomfortable at first but the more you relax, the less it will hurt. If you want to get off while you have the plug inside, start tapping the base of the plug while massaging your cock. You can also push the plug out and in to massage your anus with your hand if you are relaxed enough. Pay close attention to how tense you are- if you tense up, then stop and focus on relaxing your body. Stay focused while jacking off and make sure you keep your anus relaxed.

At first you may find that you need to remove the plug to come but in time, if you can get to a point where you are relaxed and enjoying the plug, you may be able to come with the plug in. And when you're able to enjoy the smaller sized plug, you may be ready to repeat the process with the medium sized plug.

 

[rarenale]

Thank you! I followed your advice and I actually managed to put the plug all the way in after a few tries.
I feel like right now the main problem is that the plug doesn't really give me any pleasure, so my body doesn't see a proper reason to relax, I guess. I'm thinking maybe I should step up to a Dildo or something.

 

[palemale]

Thank you! I followed your advice and I actually managed to put the plug all the way in after a few tries.
I feel like right now the main problem is that the plug doesn't really give me any pleasure, so my body doesn't see a proper reason to relax, I guess. I'm thinking maybe I should step up to a dildo or something.

Did any of the guys give you a nice, long, proper rim job?

 

[KaraBulut]

Thank you! I followed your advice and I actually managed to put the plug all the way in after a few tries.
I feel like right now the main problem is that the plug doesn't really give me any pleasure, so my body doesn't see a proper reason to relax, I guess. I'm thinking maybe I should step up to a dildo or something.

There's nothing to prevent you from using a dildo or alternating. One of the reasons that we suggest butt plugs is because they have a taper and you can take your time working up to the larger part of the plug. With dildos, if you can't get past the head or if you can't relax, it's a lot harder to keep in. But the advantage of dildos is that they are much more flexible and like a real penis.

 

[rarenale]

Did any of the guys give you a nice, long, proper rim job?

Nope.

There's nothing to prevent you from using a dildo or alternating. One of the reasons that we suggest butt plugs is because they have a taper and you can take your time working up to the larger part of the plug. With dildos, if you can't get past the head or if you can't relax, it's a lot harder to keep in. But the advantage of dildos is that they are much more flexible and like a real penis.

Yeah, I understand. I was just getting frustrated for the lack of results. I'm gonna try experimenting a little bit more and I'll let you know how it goes!

 

[AlmondMilk]

Definitely don't take pain killers just so you can have anal sex. Maybe you really need to just take the time to loosen your ass and get used to having something there. What everyone said before me is right. A lot of lube, some anal trainer butt plugs, and practice...you should be fine. Also, try taking a warm-hot bath/shower beforehand. Maybe it'll relax you.

 

[expectomale]

i think you don't horny while getting to be fucked, if you in extra horny stage, it will have no pain and problems at all.

 

[sixthson]

While I understand the concept of using butt plugs for getting your bottom used to invasion, I think it really misses the mark. It just makes sex very mechanical. Fucking yourself can never take the place of making love with someone you really care for. How do you have foreplay with yourself? What about the feeling of wrapping your legs around his warm body and looking into his eyes? The full body contact and romance of it are really necessary (imo) for the excitement and relaxation required for great sex.
Sure, it might take some time and you might never become a bottom, but patience and gentleness are needed to fully enjoy the experience. If you are having random hookups, you might not get what you need from strangers.

Some people just take to anal faster or more enthusiastically than others. We are all different.

I speak from experience. It took me time to get used to it, while not so much for my partner. You start with a tongue, then a finger, then two, then an 8 inch Greek cock.

 

[KaraBulut]

While I understand the concept of using butt plugs for getting your bottom used to invasion, I think it really misses the mark. It just makes sex very mechanical. Fucking yourself can never take the place of making love with someone you really care for.

Well, there's really two reasons why we make the "practice" recommendation.

One of the really big reasons is that different people respond to pain in different ways. Many times, the eagerness of the moment or the inexperience of the top leads to inadequate preparation. There are lots of guys (and girls) who try anal the first time and have a bad, painful experience. That sensation of pain stays with them and they are afraid to try again for fear that it will always hurt. A better alternative is to enjoy a little self anal play on your own time, when you have better control of the speed of penetration so that you are better prepared for the real thing.

Self-gratification is never supposed to be a substitute for sex with another person, anymore than football practice is a substitute for an actual football game. But play with a dildo can make you better at the real thing just like scrimmage makes for a better game.

 

[sixthson]

Self-gratification is never supposed to be a substitute for sex with another person, anymore than football practice is a substitute for an actual football game. But play with a dildo can make you better at the real thing just like scrimmage makes for a better game.

At least with a scrimmage, practice is with a real human being.

 

[machotwink]

Man I can tell you from personal experience that playing around with ur hole helps, A LOT. I've been putting stuf in my asss for a long time, even when I was stil a virgin. I'd do it about 3-4 time a week. I started with fingers and after I was able to put all four in I started putting some dick shapped objects in it.

Then when I actually did it, it didn't hurt, like I didn't feel any sort of pain. It was just 100% pleasure. The guy wanted to go slow with me. But I was so horny I told him o go inside very hard, and he just put his cock inside me kinda fast, and it was just amazing. I also used a lot of lube that time

I suggest u start messing around with ur butthole. It may help u learn how to loosen up ur muscles when the real thing goes int.