i cant even hook up on craigslist

[blonguy]

You can try to make me feel crazy or out of touch as you want, but that doesn't change the fact that my experience proves you wrong.

Like I said before, I didn't say being bigger isn't A FACTOR. I said it is ignorant and bigoted to tell this OP that his weight is the factor because "overweight dudes generally don't do well with guys." You can say our society backs you up all you want, but that doesn't mean it isn't WRONG. And my experiences, and the experiences of other bigger guys that I know, speaks in direct opposition to things you and Mario are saying to Shadowfang. The fact that you are trying to defend yourselves so vehemently further proves your ignorance and intolerance on this issue.

Again, I wonder how you would both feel if someone was saying these things about gay or black people.

It may be wrong as you say. But how can you tell people they are wrong as in to what they like? You probably see ads that specify what they are looking for and are not looking for. Naturally if someone sees someone saying, "no fats, no fems, no old guys", which is sooo common, if anyone falls into those categories they ill surely be offended. I also see ads where they say, "sorry no blacks", sorry "no white guys", "only white", "only black", etc etc etc... At first glance if you don't think about it you could call these guys ignorant, bigots, or whatever you want. But you know what...that is stupid. People can't really help what they are attracted to; sure they can be open minded but that's up to them. Everyone gets angry at some ads, but that's just something you have to just live with.

Let me say also, I would rather an average and decent body over fat or washboard abs. A guy really overweight tells me that this person may not take care of themselves or care about themselves just like having washboard abs means that this person may focus too much on their body, do nothing but work out, and maybe that they are even conceited or picky. These are all generalizations since as you said some people cannot fully control their weight. In most cases weight is one thing you can change though with the proper routine...this is different from being black or gay which stays with you.

I would tell you that you are correct in that overweight people may get stereotyped just like blacks and gays. If someone is too big, people get the impression they may not care about appearance, or something like that. Though I don't get what you mean about people saying discriminating about gay people as if they are searching for m2m, they must be a little gay eh?

So let me ask you this, when do you hear a guy called a bigot, close-minded, etc for not wanting to date a fat girl? Race, orientation, and weight are 3 totally different things...

Keep in mind that we are not talking about not wanting the big kid on a kickball team. We're talking about attractions. And online attraction and pictures is one of the key things to make someone get from their home to you. It's common sense that people are attracted to great bodies. It's not because society tells us to be attracted to them. These bodies are so mainstream in society because that's what people like... People watch porn, magazines, etc. with a body type and person they are attracted to. There are people with attractions to a certain race and sexuality, but unfortunately, being overweight is the only factor visually that does attract people.

I never see like you see people seeking out guys BECAUSE they are overweight? I don't see these ads, but then everyone has their fetishes so who knows.

I'm hammerng this point and hope you just get an idea of what I'm saying. No one is trying to discriminate here, but I just want to poin out to you what I, everyone here, and even you already know.

I'm just speaking the truth..maybe with some opinion. And what I'm saying isn't a surprise to most I'm sure...

So I'm wondering, what big, mysterious, underlying factor do you think may be causing the OP to have less luck than he may wish. Regardless of what he put in his ad, don't you think that if his picture was a picture of lets say some "model body", he would have guys jumping all over his ads?

Like I said he'll find a hook up though, and probably already has as we've been talking on this forum haha. It just will take more work than it would otherwise.

 

[blonguy]

I did just realize that the OP said he is half white and half filipino. Another hard truth is that may make it a little harder also because most ad seekers are white and are looking for other whites. There are a lot more open to race though, and they may even specify wanting your ethnicity. You'll probably learn this yourself also; it just depends on the night and who's searching at the time that your ad is posted.

 

[vulgar_newcomer]

I think you have to figure that guys on CL are looking for hookups. They may be in fantasy land but thats how it is. A guy they would meet and get to know outside of that venue and could develop feelings for won't get the time of day from many in a catalog like setting. Though CL is far from a catalog of guys it is set up in the same manner.
The weight issue brought up is a little extreme in this thread for what I see here in Florida on CL.
Someone must like chubby guys because there are far more of them everywhere you go then bean poles or thin guys.
So if no one likes them how come when you go to a T-dance or club its filled with chubby guys?

 

[Darted]

Craigslist is full of weirdos, I strongly recommend staying away from it.

A great tip: Demand more than one picture, or cam with the person to make sure it's actually them.

 

[ibill1]

You guys all need to STOP with the body-shaming and the fat hate. Seriously! I'm probably bigger than this guy and I get laid all the time. It is not his body size that is keeping him from getting laid, and you all telling him that being fat makes him undesirable is going to make him feel shittier and not help his situation.

Seriously! Stop it! I'm telling you flat out. I'm fat. I get fucked all the time. It's not the issue. Just because you all might be shallow bitchy queens doesn't mean everyone is.

Shadowfang---I don't know what you look like, but I can tell you right now that if I thought your face was cute, your size wouldn't matter to me. I'd hit that in a heartbeat. Don't give up hope!

I agree. After reading this thread I felt so bad for him. I'm not overweight but I did find the add he posted as the likely reason. He says he is 35lbs. overweight then says no femmes, no CHUBS, and a real insult to some, no old people. He needs to stop with all the no this and no that, it sounds really lame. You need to word it properly. Something like I'm not into older guys and prefer masculine men, instead of no old people and femmes. It sounds like he's putting an order in for a pizza. No wonder no one responses.

 

[midnight81]

It may be wrong as you say. But how can you tell people they are wrong as in to what they like? You probably see ads that specify what they are looking for and are not looking for. Naturally if someone sees someone saying, "no fats, no fems, no old guys", which is sooo common, if anyone falls into those categories they ill surely be offended. I also see ads where they say, "sorry no blacks", sorry "no white guys", "only white", "only black", etc etc etc... At first glance if you don't think about it you could call these guys ignorant, bigots, or whatever you want. But you know what...that is stupid. People can't really help what they are attracted to; sure they can be open minded but that's up to them. Everyone gets angry at some ads, but that's just something you have to just live with.

Let me say also, I would rather an average and decent body over fat or washboard abs. A guy really overweight tells me that this person may not take care of themselves or care about themselves just like having washboard abs means that this person may focus too much on their body, do nothing but work out, and maybe that they are even conceited or picky. These are all generalizations since as you said some people cannot fully control their weight. In most cases weight is one thing you can change though with the proper routine...this is different from being black or gay which stays with you.

I would tell you that you are correct in that overweight people may get stereotyped just like blacks and gays. If someone is too big, people get the impression they may not care about appearance, or something like that. Though I don't get what you mean about people saying discriminating about gay people as if they are searching for m2m, they must be a little gay eh?

So let me ask you this, when do you hear a guy called a bigot, close-minded, etc for not wanting to date a fat girl? Race, orientation, and weight are 3 totally different things...

Keep in mind that we are not talking about not wanting the big kid on a kickball team. We're talking about attractions. And online attraction and pictures is one of the key things to make someone get from their home to you. It's common sense that people are attracted to great bodies. It's not because society tells us to be attracted to them. These bodies are so mainstream in society because that's what people like... People watch porn, magazines, etc. with a body type and person they are attracted to. There are people with attractions to a certain race and sexuality, but unfortunately, being overweight is the only factor visually that does attract people.

I never see like you see people seeking out guys BECAUSE they are overweight? I don't see these ads, but then everyone has their fetishes so who knows.

I'm hammerng this point and hope you just get an idea of what I'm saying. No one is trying to discriminate here, but I just want to poin out to you what I, everyone here, and even you already know.

I'm just speaking the truth..maybe with some opinion. And what I'm saying isn't a surprise to most I'm sure...

So I'm wondering, what big, mysterious, underlying factor do you think may be causing the OP to have less luck than he may wish. Regardless of what he put in his ad, don't you think that if his picture was a picture of lets say some "model body", he would have guys jumping all over his ads?

Like I said he'll find a hook up though, and probably already has as we've been talking on this forum haha. It just will take more work than it would otherwise.

Ok first off, I wasn't saying that not being attracted to larger guys makes you a bigot. I was saying TELLING SOMEONE who is bigger than the reason they can't find someone is because they are bigger and bigger guys just aren't desirable to anybody in the gay community is a bigoted. There is a big difference. People are attracted to who they are attracted to. But telling someone they won't find sexual fulfillment from anybody because they are fat...not only is it factually untrue because there ARE guys out there, whether you've encountered them or not, who are interested in meeting bigger guys...but it's ignorant and insulting to bigger people.

And whether you agree or not, it IS bigoted to say you are not attracted to a certain race, or to every bigger guy, because when you say that, you are making a wild generalization about every single person in that group, and unless you've met EVERY SINGLE PERSON in that group, you don't know. You may know that you aren't USUALLY attracted to people in that group, but when you say you are hands down not attracted to anyone in that group, it becomes bigotry, and you should probably keep it to yourself.

And please don't call "being attracted to overweight guys" a fetish. Yes, there are some people who fetishize big guys just like there are some guys who fetishize big dicks or certain races or certain costumes. But when you reduce the attraction of every guy who is into bigger guys to a fetish, that is insulting too.

Jeez, I've been reading these forums for years and I never realized how many ignorant people there were here, and how willing they were to put their ignorance on display for all to see.

 

[midnight81]

I agree. After reading this thread I felt so bad for him. I'm not overweight but I did find the add he posted as the likely reason. He says he is 35lbs. overweight then says no femmes, no CHUBS, and a real insult to some, no old people. He needs to stop with all the no this and no that, it sounds really lame. You need to word it properly. Something like I'm not into older guys and prefer masculine men, instead of no old people and femmes. It sounds like he's putting an order in for a pizza. No wonder no one responses.

Very much agreed! I'm neither old nor femme, and while I'm bigger, I'm not a chub (prob more of a bear/cub) and seeing a list of what the person doesn't want would turn me off. It would be a red flag and I would assume they were a selfish dick who wanted me to blow him and then wouldn't reciprocate. Or who might see my pics (which look exactly like me and are up-to-date), meet me and then change his mind for some arbitrary reason. You definitely catch more flies (barflies?) with honey than with vinegar in situations like this.

I think your alternate way of phrasing it is good advice, but I wouldn't even say "I'm not into older guys." I would just say "into guys X age-X age" and leave it at that.

 

[blonguy]

Ok first off, I wasn't saying that not being attracted to larger guys makes you a bigot. I was saying TELLING SOMEONE who is bigger than the reason they can't find someone is because they are bigger and bigger guys just aren't desirable to anybody in the gay community is a bigoted. There is a big difference. People are attracted to who they are attracted to. But telling someone they won't find sexual fulfillment from anybody because they are fat...not only is it factually untrue because there ARE guys out there, whether you've encountered them or not, who are interested in meeting bigger guys...but it's ignorant and insulting to bigger people.

And whether you agree or not, it IS bigoted to say you are not attracted to a certain race, or to every bigger guy, because when you say that, you are making a wild generalization about every single person in that group, and unless you've met EVERY SINGLE PERSON in that group, you don't know. You may know that you aren't USUALLY attracted to people in that group, but when you say you are hands down not attracted to anyone in that group, it becomes bigotry, and you should probably keep it to yourself.

And please don't call "being attracted to overweight guys" a fetish. Yes, there are some people who fetishize big guys just like there are some guys who fetishize big dicks or certain races or certain costumes. But when you reduce the attraction of every guy who is into bigger guys to a fetish, that is insulting too.

Jeez, I've been reading these forums for years and I never realized how many ignorant people there were here, and how willing they were to put their ignorance on display for all to see.

I think it can be bigoted to say you're not attracted to a certain race. I would say if they have never given it a chance and are just very close-minded. But then there are people raised a certain way, very sheltered and not exposed to other races. If you only hang around your race you don't get a chance to start realizing attractions to others in many cases. So I just think it's not always their fault. I don't like it because I'm open to any race; I just can see how people can develop attractions like they do without the intent always of bigotry.

You are right though; there are still a very many who are racially-insensitive or just bigoted who put everyone in a box of negative stereotypes instead of being open.

 

[KURT10677]

I think it can be bigoted to say you're not attracted to a certain race. I would say if they have never given it a chance and are just very close-minded. But then there are people raised a certain way, very sheltered and not exposed to other races. If you only hang around your race you don't get a chance to start realizing attractions to others in many cases. So I just think it's not always their fault. I don't like it because I'm open to any race; I just can see how people can develop attractions like they do without the intent always of bigotry.

You are right though; there are still a very many who are racially-insensitive or just bigoted who put everyone in a box of negative stereotypes instead of being open.

I think its just were you live, when I had to relocate GA for work, I started going on
A4A and most every profile said whites only or maybe latino. Needless to say I'm back in Cali, and I'm always getting hit up by white, latinos guys all the time and you dont see profiles stating just one race in cali. I think out here if your not into another race you just dont reply. I think thats just some country down south shit.

 

[mario24]

It's easy to be dismissive and say "this is all about your issues" when you're not in the group being insulted and discriminated against. How would you feel if someone was being homophobic and when you spoke up they said "this is obviously all about your issues" or if you were black (I don't know if you are, but if you're not, assume you were) and someone was being racist and said something similar?

All I'm asking is for you to think about the things that you are saying about bigger guys and realize that they are both ignorant and destructive. And please show this guy, and everyone who is not a skinny twink or a muscle jock with washboard abs, the same respect you would show someone who was of a more societally accepted body shape.

It's hard to accept that maybe we are speaking from a place of ignorance, but the sooner we accept that, the sooner we're able to overcome that and the world becomes a slightly better place.

Thank you for so quickly proving my point