i cant even hook up on craigslist

[mario24]

You guys all need to STOP with the body-shaming and the fat hate. Seriously! I'm probably bigger than this guy and I get laid all the time. It is not his body size that is keeping him from getting laid, and you all telling him that being fat makes him undesirable is going to make him feel shittier and not help his situation.

Seriously! Stop it! I'm telling you flat out. I'm fat. I get fucked all the time. It's not the issue. Just because you all might be shallow bitchy queens doesn't mean everyone is.

Shadowfang---I don't know what you look like, but I can tell you right now that if I thought your face was cute, your size wouldn't matter to me. I'd hit that in a heartbeat. Don't give up hope!

Keep telling yourself that. It's just true your odds improve dropping the weight. And we wont even talk about just who is fucking you. It is most def likely his biggest issue in not getting laid.

 

[shadowfang156]

No doubt part of the problem is your weight. At 22, it should be easy to lose a pound a day. I suggest you go onto a NO CARB diet for four days. After the first 48 hours you will cease to be hungry, and the four days will show you how effective it is. Eat meat, fish, chicken turkey, very low carb veggies (broccoli, green beans, cauliflower, celery ) some cottage cheese. You don't have to count any thing or weigh anything, but remember you are trying to lose weight. Exercise as you feel like it but you don't need to push it. Let us know if you try it.

actually, losing a pound a day is very unhealthy for someone such as myself. also, there is no way you can lose a pound a day through diet and exercise UNLESS YOURE MORBIDLY OBESE.

trust me, im in grad school right now getting my Pharm.D.

im actually getting ready to do carb cycling

 

[Benvolio]

Try it for four days and then judge. Many recent studies have shown both the effectiveness and safety of the very low carb diet. It is your decision, but your present plan is not working.

 

[mario24]

actually, losing a pound a day is very unhealthy for someone such as myself. also, there is no way you can lose a pound a day through diet and exercise UNLESS YOURE MORBIDLY OBESE.

trust me, im in grad school right now getting my Pharm.D.

im actually getting ready to do carb cycling

Agreed. Let's not tun this into bad dieting advice. Def cut the carbs and get the ass moving but a pound a day is just water weight that lasts about a week. It's all about watching your carb and total calorie intake and EXERCISE.

One tip i can give that really does work is cardio first thing in the morning before any food or calorie intake. There is no glucose in the system and you immediately start burning the fat for energy. If you eat before cardio the first 20/30 minutes just burns off the glucose in your system from the food.

 

[midnight81]

Keep telling yourself that. It's just true your odds improve dropping the weight. And we wont even talk about just who is fucking you. It is most def likely his biggest issue in not getting laid.

WTF is that supposed to mean?! You wanna discuss who is fucking me? Men. Hot men of all shapes and sizes. The men who I want, who know they're lucky to have me in their beds, and who find me sexy. I don't have to settle for who I can get, I don't have to settle for less than my standards, and I don't have to feel ugly just because someone like you has a "no fatties" policy.

I don't doubt that the world is full of shallow, weight-obsessed assholes who judge heavier people based on looks alone. I'm not saying anyone's chances aren't less because they look a certain way. Yes, the odds are less because we're raised to hate on fat people and we're raised to hate ourselves if we're fat. Obesity is that last acceptable prejudice in this country and it makes me sick how many body fascists there are out there, so quick to cut down people whose bodies aren't cut to society's ridiculous Hollywood standards for no other reason than because they can. They spew cliche, bullshit lines like "It's just not healthy" or "I shouldn't have to look at someone that big" not realizing how disgusting and ignorant they sound.

I won't go into a full tirade on body fascism and shaming because it's too long and you won't get it anyway. But MY POINT to Shadowfang was that being fat is not THE reason why he's not finding hookups. There may be many factors that are contributing to him not finding a guy. Sure, his pool maybe smaller because there are some people who aren't attracted to bigger guys. But there are bear, cub and chub lovers everywhere and if he's not finding them, it may because he's not looking in the right places or it may be something else that is pushing them away. If he wants to lose weight and be healthier, then good for him. But he should not be made to feel ugly and undeserving of sex no matter what his body looks like, because that is NOT going to help him. It is missing the point, it is mean-spirited and it is completely diverting the topic into one prejudiced reason when there could be a thousand more he's not considering because now you've all made him feel unattractive.

Just remember, Jamey Rodemeyer, a teen who killed himself last year, was not only bullied for being gay. He was also called fat and ugly. And remember that Tyler Clementi, who also committed suicide, was a member of this forum. Think about your words and the effect they can have before you toss them around so lightly.

 

[Benvolio]

No one has said anything nasty about fat people, beyond advising a young man to lose.

 

[mario24]

No one has said anything nasty about fat people, beyond advising a young man to lose.

Exactly. it's obviously a touchy subject for some.

 

[shadowfang156]

well does anyone know of any alternative hookup sites other than grinder, adam4adam, manhunt, and craigslist?

 

[pushupsonmymouth]

Don't listen to Mario. Sure, there are going to be a dozen shallow jerks out there who won't want to hook up with you because of your size, or your looks or any number of superficial factors. Especially in the world of online hookup searches. People treat it as if it's a wish fulfillment service. But don't let Mario make you feel shitty about your body. There are also guys out there who will find your body type sexier than they would if you were a skinny twink and instead of feeling ashamed and bad about yourself, they'll make you feel hot. Trust me---I'm husky with a big belly and, while it may help that I'm in New York City where there is much more selection, I'm able to find guys to hookup with whenever I look. This is not about your body.

What might be getting in your way is confidence. It may also be the first-timer thing. A lot of guys don't want to waste their time showing an inexperienced guy the ropes when they just want to get off. Don't mention that it's your first time and if you're worried they'll be too rough with you while you're bottoming, just tell them it's been a while and to go slow.

I also think it would help if you included what you were looking for in your post. Are you looking to fuck or just do oral? Are you top/bottom/versatile? What are your stats? Do you have a pic to trade? Stuff like that will let people know what they are getting into BEFORE they message you and they'll be more likely to bother.

You should also sign up for *******.com and other sites for bears, cubs and other adorable animal nicknames for bigger guys. I'm sure you'll find some guys who think you're sexy on there. Remember, one guy's "not interested" is another guy's dream hunk.

So far, in my opinion, this has been your best advice. This is basically what I would have said to you, also. Put a little more into your ad and give it some time. I sometimes go a month or two with no luck and then may have a few hits in a week's time. I live in a small town so there you go. Midnight's in New York City and I'm in the rural South. Can't get much different than that but you're given the same advice. Don't give up and don't feel bad about yourself. I'm a little overweight, too, but man oh man have I had my hands on some fit, hot bodies!

 

[Donatello420]

Where in Florida?

 

[midnight81]

No one has said anything nasty about fat people, beyond advising a young man to lose.

Actually what happened was people telling a young man that the reason he is probably not finding love or sex is because nobody will be attracted him due to his weight. It's biased, it's disgustingly mean-spirited, it's discriminatory and it's patently incorrect.

 

[midnight81]

So far, in my opinion, this has been your best advice. This is basically what I would have said to you, also. Put a little more into your ad and give it some time. I sometimes go a month or two with no luck and then may have a few hits in a week's time. I live in a small town so there you go. Midnight's in New York City and I'm in the rural South. Can't get much different than that but you're given the same advice. Don't give up and don't feel bad about yourself. I'm a little overweight, too, but man oh man have I had my hands on some fit, hot bodies!

Thanks, Pushups!

 

[pushupsonmymouth]

Thanks, Pushups!

My pleasure! Can you feel the love? <3

 

[blonguy]

Actually what happened was people telling a young man that the reason he is probably not finding love or sex is because nobody will be attracted him due to his weight. It's biased, it's disgustingly mean-spirited, it's discriminatory and it's patently incorrect.

Okay, this is where the messenger gets blamed. We are telling you our experience. Didn't you ask for advice on why you "might" have on CL? This is pretty average for the whole on craigslist. It's the harsh honest truth and any thing else someone tells you is a fairytale or their narrow world experience. Some posters such as perhaps mario24 may not explain this to you in an appropriate and more helpful way, but this is one of his posts I agree with. But I know from my own tastes and many ads I have seen that unfortunately, weight does matter. People look for college "jocks" and the frat guy kinda look with many "curious" ads. Be it right or not, that is a majority of what attracts people on CL. I speak from my own experience as well as my own tastes, I have no reason to tell you that otherwise.

You people angry at the opinions here should really take it up with the posters and ad seekers on CL and what attracts them if you think the whole thing is mean-spirited, not take it to the people here. I have never been big myself but I can relate about being sensitive about other areas. I know this is a touchy area for those that are big though. I really don't think the people posting here just have a bone to pick with big people or anything...think about it.

Now that said, what you have to do is just make your other qualities work for you and, also, you're not really huge if you're just 20lbs over remember. But like someone said though on CL many people are just all talk and have many reasons why they are just time wasters or just plain chicken. But many times any slight or minor "imperfection" on someone just gives them a reason to not go through with anything so they will just continue to lead you on in some cases. I'm sure you'll find something; just have to weed thru the crap.

 

[Benvolio]

No one has been mean spirited, and we have not said that "nobody" will be attracted to him. Who said that? What has been said is the cold, hard fact that he will have more opportunities if he loses weight. At age 22, he should find it easy to lose weight, with all those hormones working in his favor and his youthful metabolism. Later it will be harder and harder. And if he does not control his weight now, he will get larger by creating new cells which will then remain with him even if he loses weight.
He said he is trying to lose weight and it cannot be mean spirited to encourage him to do so. Many of us advising him have struggled with weight and know whereof we speak.

 

[midnight81]

Okay, this is where the messenger gets blamed. We are telling you our experience. Didn't you ask for advice on why you "might" have on CL? This is pretty average for the whole on craigslist. It's the harsh honest truth and any thing else someone tells you is a fairytale or their narrow world experience. Some posters such as perhaps mario24 may not explain this to you in an appropriate and more helpful way, but this is one of his posts I agree with. But I know from my own tastes and many ads I have seen that unfortunately, weight does matter. People look for college "jocks" and the frat guy kinda look with many "curious" ads. Be it right or not, that is a majority of what attracts people on CL. I speak from my own experience as well as my own tastes, I have no reason to tell you that otherwise.

You people angry at the opinions here should really take it up with the posters and ad seekers on CL and what attracts them if you think the whole thing is mean-spirited, not take it to the people here. I have never been big myself but I can relate about being sensitive about other areas. I know this is a touchy area for those that are big though. I really don't think the people posting here just have a bone to pick with big people or anything...think about it.

Now that said, what you have to do is just make your other qualities work for you and, also, you're not really huge if you're just 20lbs over remember. But like someone said though on CL many people are just all talk and have many reasons why they are just time wasters or just plain chicken. But many times any slight or minor "imperfection" on someone just gives them a reason to not go through with anything so they will just continue to lead you on in some cases. I'm sure you'll find something; just have to weed thru the crap.

I didn't ask anyone for advice. I only responded to this thread because I didn't like what was being said to the OP.

The fact of the matter is, you can share your anecdotes and I can share mine, but I think it is irresponsible to tell someone who is frustrated and feels they are never going to meet someone that "what they are doing wrong" is something that is inherently a part of who they are. So what if the OP can't lose those last few lbs because that's his natural body or because the things he'd have to do to get to that ideal are just not realistic to his lifestyle? Should he believe he's never going to find love or sex ever again?

I'm sorry, but as a bigger person who is OK with who I am and has no desire to starve myself to look like a frat bro or a twink, I think it is irresponsible to advise someone that they probably aren't attracting guys because they are overweight JUST because they said they wanted to lose a few pounds and are concerned that might be it. It is PATENTLY UNTRUE that all guys on Craigslist are looking for someone with a ripped body. I see guys on CL regularly who are looking for bears, cubs, chubs, husky guys, stocky guys, etc. The whole point of these sites is to find something you like and honing right in on the OPs weight and saying that's probably what is causing him problems is IRRESPONSIBLE and INSULTING. I'm not sure why you don't get that. It is like telling someone who is unpopular, who you know nothing about, that the reason they are unpopular is because they are gay and most people just don't like gay people. Sure...SOME people don't like gay people and maybe SOME people don't like him because he's gay. But he can't change being gay and you don't know if there are other parts of his personality that are turning people off. So you telling him that people don't like him because of this one unchangeable quality instead of getting to know him and actually finding out what it ACTUALLY is, is IRRESPONSIBLE. And it is DAMAGING---you don't know who is strong enough to handle hearing that and who isn't.

Look, I get it. The OP hasn't given us nearly enough information to figure out what is REALLY keeping him from scoring. But that doesn't mean we need to take the one thing that he did give us, probably based on his own insecurities bc again, society teaches us to hate ourselves if we're fat, and tell him for a fact that this is what his problem is. Because you just do not know. And based on my experiences (NOT narrow, I assure you) and the experiences of thousands of other bears, cubs and chubs across the country, what you are saying is FACTUALLY UNTRUE. There are guys out there who will be attracted to him BECAUSE he is bigger. And instead of giving the OP a complex, whether you all meant to or not, I think we should be trying to, I dunno, actually help him by digging deeper and giving him actual answers, if possible.

 

[mario24]

I didn't ask anyone for advice. I only responded to this thread because I didn't like what was being said to the OP.

The fact of the matter is, you can share your anecdotes and I can share mine, but I think it is irresponsible to tell someone who is frustrated and feels they are never going to meet someone that "what they are doing wrong" is something that is inherently a part of who they are. So what if the OP can't lose those last few lbs because that's his natural body or because the things he'd have to do to get to that ideal are just not realistic to his lifestyle? Should he believe he's never going to find love or sex ever again?

I'm sorry, but as a bigger person who is OK with who I am and has no desire to starve myself to look like a frat bro or a twink, I think it is irresponsible to advise someone that they probably aren't attracting guys because they are overweight JUST because they said they wanted to lose a few pounds and are concerned that might be it. It is PATENTLY UNTRUE that all guys on Craigslist are looking for someone with a ripped body. I see guys on CL regularly who are looking for bears, cubs, chubs, husky guys, stocky guys, etc. The whole point of these sites is to find something you like and honing right in on the OPs weight and saying that's probably what is causing him problems is IRRESPONSIBLE and INSULTING. I'm not sure why you don't get that. It is like telling someone who is unpopular, who you know nothing about, that the reason they are unpopular is because they are gay and most people just don't like gay people. Sure...SOME people don't like gay people and maybe SOME people don't like him because he's gay. But he can't change being gay and you don't know if there are other parts of his personality that are turning people off. So you telling him that people don't like him because of this one unchangeable quality instead of getting to know him and actually finding out what it ACTUALLY is, is IRRESPONSIBLE. And it is DAMAGING---you don't know who is strong enough to handle hearing that and who isn't.

Look, I get it. The OP hasn't given us nearly enough information to figure out what is REALLY keeping him from scoring. But that doesn't mean we need to take the one thing that he did give us, probably based on his own insecurities bc again, society teaches us to hate ourselves if we're fat, and tell him for a fact that this is what his problem is. Because you just do not know. And based on my experiences (NOT narrow, I assure you) and the experiences of thousands of other bears, cubs and chubs across the country, what you are saying is FACTUALLY UNTRUE. There are guys out there who will be attracted to him BECAUSE he is bigger. And instead of giving the OP a complex, whether you all meant to or not, I think we should be trying to, I dunno, actually help him by digging deeper and giving him actual answers, if possible.

obviously all kinds of personal issues flying around here..you need to take a step back and get this is all about you and your issues flying around.

 

[midnight81]

obviously all kinds of personal issues flying around here..you need to take a step back and get this is all about you and your issues flying around.

It's easy to be dismissive and say "this is all about your issues" when you're not in the group being insulted and discriminated against. How would you feel if someone was being homophobic and when you spoke up they said "this is obviously all about your issues" or if you were black (I don't know if you are, but if you're not, assume you were) and someone was being racist and said something similar?

All I'm asking is for you to think about the things that you are saying about bigger guys and realize that they are both ignorant and destructive. And please show this guy, and everyone who is not a skinny twink or a muscle jock with washboard abs, the same respect you would show someone who was of a more societally accepted body shape.

It's hard to accept that maybe we are speaking from a place of ignorance, but the sooner we accept that, the sooner we're able to overcome that and the world becomes a slightly better place.

 

[blonguy]

midnight81, okay you seriously need to step back and calm down and get down to earth level...lol.

You are speaking from some strange universe that no one lives in. In a world where people can really only judge you from your pictures and what you say...pictures count a lot more. And in pictures weight matters. You can lie about age, status, maybe even size. But unfortunately weight is what sticks out on these hook up sites. You are in some kind of weird denial that it doesn't matter. I won't argue this point with you, but please don't confuse the young man. What you're saying is so very unrealistic. It's like people attacking Jenny Craig for telling people they can lose weight and be happier.

Look at the TV with all the commercials on losing weight...the magazines...etc. It is not this forum making this up. It's clear that everyone is trying to lose weight because it helps them look better. That doesn't mean just because you have weight you're some type of freak.... Please stop being ridiculous, put your own feelings aside, and step into the world we live in. And to be honest no one is making having extra weight a big deal but you. You are making i like it's a death sentence to be pointed out as a big guy... there's much worse. No one is blowing this up as much as you, you should realize. You are the one that is really hurting this young guy by lying to him and becoming so defensive for no reason and as a result making any helpful advice given here seem to him as "mean-spiritied" and hate speech..which is not the intent.

And who said anything about washboard abs, and perfect figures...is there no in between washboard abs or big? Lol I mean seriously, you seem to be just making some crazy stuff up. I really think this is more personal to you, and you really aren't focusing on the OP.

 

[midnight81]

midnight81, okay you seriously need to step back and calm down and get down to earth level...lol.

You are speaking from some strange universe that no one lives in. In a world where people can really only judge you from your pictures and what you say...pictures count a lot more. And in pictures weight matters. You can lie about age, status, maybe even size. But unfortunately weight is what sticks out on these hook up sites. You are in some kind of weird denial that it doesn't matter. I won't argue this point with you, but please don't confuse the young man. What you're saying is so very unrealistic. It's like people attacking Jenny Craig for telling people they can lose weight and be happier.

Look at the TV with all the commercials on losing weight...the magazines...etc. It is not this forum making this up. It's clear that everyone is trying to lose weight because it helps them look better. That doesn't mean just because you have weight you're some type of freak.... Please stop being ridiculous, put your own feelings aside, and step into the world we live in. And to be honest no one is making having extra weight a big deal but you. You are making i like it's a death sentence to be pointed out as a big guy... there's much worse. No one is blowing this up as much as you, you should realize. You are the one that is really hurting this young guy by lying to him and becoming so defensive for no reason and as a result making any helpful advice given here seem to him as "mean-spiritied" and hate speech..which is not the intent.

And who said anything about washboard abs, and perfect figures...is there no in between washboard abs or big? Lol I mean seriously, you seem to be just making some crazy stuff up. I really think this is more personal to you, and you really aren't focusing on the OP.

You can try to make me feel crazy or out of touch as you want, but that doesn't change the fact that my experience proves you wrong.

Like I said before, I didn't say being bigger isn't A FACTOR. I said it is ignorant and bigoted to tell this OP that his weight is the factor because "overweight dudes generally don't do well with guys." You can say our society backs you up all you want, but that doesn't mean it isn't WRONG. And my experiences, and the experiences of other bigger guys that I know, speaks in direct opposition to things you and Mario are saying to Shadowfang. The fact that you are trying to defend yourselves so vehemently further proves your ignorance and intolerance on this issue.

Again, I wonder how you would both feel if someone was saying these things about gay or black people.