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I can't have what I want

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Cumlaskan

Cumlaskan

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Ok, so I am finding it impossible to be happy. Long story short, I keep going through cycles that I haven't ever gotten out of. I'm gay and have always been into really buff guys, they don't have to look like Arnold or anything, but I like a lot of muscle. I really want that physique for myself, but rarely have motivation to work out. and when I do, it's not enough to put the hours in to get that kind of body. To tell the truth I don't want to be that big of a slave to the gym, but I want the body.

I'm thin, except for kind of having a pot belly. It's not that bad, but I've been called chubby before by a gay guy, to which all my straight friends thought he was out of my mind. The truth is tho, I am not in shape enough for gay culture. I am also picky and have not even dated for the past 2 years. I've had plenty of fun along the way tho, hooking up with guys who just want to play but probably wouldn't stick around to pursue anything serious.

So I've begun hooking up more. I always feel like crap afterwards so I lie around at home afterwards and eat crap. I don't think it effects my physique that much because I have a really high metabolism, and I should be a lot fatter than I am based on my intake. But I still can't shake the desire to get buff, then I'd finally land a hot guy for good. But I also don't want to be a sellout. What do I do?
 
I don't think there's any advice to be given here other than "snap out of it". You wanna be buff but you're too lazy to work out. You want hot buff guys but you aren't willing to put in the effort to get into a situation to get that. And you want to date but you're too mopey to do it?

I mean, what advice do you actually expect here? The only constructive thing I can suggest is to look into the possibility of clinical depression. Because unless you have something like that, your problems are really up to you to fix.
 
You seem to have a good idea of what you want and how to get there, but you need to work on the actual action. People don't magically get a muscular body overnight - it takes lots and lots of work and dedication and hours. But I will tell you one thing - it's great that you want to be more in shape to snag a potential long-term relationship, but doing that will not guarantee you to land a hot guy, much less the "perfect" guy that's right for you.

You feel like crap after hooking up. Stop hooking up. You lie at home afterwards and eat crap. Stop doing that. Make different, better decisions. Take a look at your habits you'd like to change, and then change them.

Also, there are a lot of cultures within the gay culture of which you speak. None of them are right or wrong. Find one that fits you and where you feel welcome.
 
Why did you post in this forum?
You are not coming out,when you are actively pursuing hook-ups. The fact that you feel like shit afterwards and binge eat,really says more about your own mindset than anything else.
The two guys above me really have said it all. And in a way that is helpful. To be buff takes dedication,hard work,and a believe in yourself.
If you want to have that "perfect" man,then start hitting the gym and stop eating crap.
 
Rolyo pretty much covered it so I'm going to be nicer. Finding a "buff guy," "too fat for gay culture," "I'm too picky," you're not picky you're hiding.

Focusing on a goal you tell yourself will make you happy, one that you have no intention of achieving, then blaming failure to reach it for your problems.

You my boy, are running away from intimacy, from making yourself vulnerable to an actual gay man who might actually require you to make that gamble, and possibly get hurt, and until you deal with that, you will continue to tell yourself that you're not happy because you can't get a "buff" guy.
 
"The woe is type" not only turns off partners but it turns off friends as well. Ditch it if you even want a chance at ANY relationship.

Besides, if you only focus on the physical features of a potential partner and not their mind or heart, you are only setting yourself up for failure anyways in romance. Course the sex may be good.
 
If you remain stuck you might want to try some therapy. Mental health is as important a concern as physical health.
 
Having a high metabolism and getting a cut figure is going to be difficult and will require a change in your eating habits as well as a gym regimen. Sorry bud no 2 ways about it, you either put in the work required to get that body or you stop whining that you don't have one.

As for feeling like crap from hooking up... maybe you just need to step back from that for awhile, get yourself into order first and spend a little time figuring out what exactly it is you want. Just giving yourself sometime away from the hookups might go a long way to help clear your head.
 
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