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I Can't Make Friends

M

me12121

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I just finished a 4 year degree program in university and have realized that I haven't made a single good friend in my 4 years here except for my roommate. My roommate's an amazing person and we're always there for each other but I'm moving out in 3 weeks and so I won't see him very much any more. My only other friend is this guy I met online 2 years ago, but lately I feel like I need to distance myself from him since I don't feel very good when I'm hanging out with him. I feel like he's always judging me or looking down on me, and he feels the need to argue with me about almost everything I say. Also, I don't think he's ever accepted that I'm gay (he's said this himself), and so most of the time I don't feel like I can be myself around him. So in less than 3 weeks, it seems I'll be left with no friends and that makes me feel very lonely.

Starting in September I'm starting a college diploma program in a totally different field since I don't want a career related to the economics degree I ended up with. I'm worried that I'm going to have the same experience that I had for the last 4 years and end up not making any friends again. It seems that something is wrong with me and I'll never be able to make a real friend...maybe it's just because I'm too shy. But starting at a new school is a fresh start for me, and I need to find some way to be able to make friends. Any ideas?
 
Just make the decision to go out and meet people and be open to having friends, I fight this battle (years removed from college) all the time. It's not hard really, it's just talking with people after all.
 
I would join clubs and also look at the bulletin board in school to see if there are any other things happening, like concerts and things like that. You might also want to try volunteering.
 
You are your own best friend. Let that project and others will be attracted to you. Whatever you project to others, that is what they perceive. If you seem reserved and more to yourself, people will stay away. If you are friendly, at least somewhat outgoing and have a smile for everyone...that is infectious. Even in the case of a total stranger on the street, I have seldom seen someone NOT return a smile or nod. Humans are social beings. Be social.
 
me12121 said:
... My only other friend is this guy I met online 2 years ago, but lately I feel like I need to distance myself from him since I don't feel very good when I'm hanging out with him. I feel like he's always judging me or looking down on me, and he feels the need to argue with me about almost everything I say. Also, I don't think he's ever accepted that I'm gay (he's said this himself), and so most of the time I don't feel like I can be myself around him. So in less than 3 weeks, it seems I'll be left with no friends and that makes me feel very lonely.
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With friends like that at least he isnt an all-out enemy but who needs his sexuality-bigotry. I told one such "friend" that I didnt care for having heterosexism crammed down my throat 24/7 every time I looked at a billboard, TV show, the side of a bus or interurban train, magazine or newspaper, etc.
Fortunately I can get along fine without depending on the company of others. Quality is better than quantity.
 
I am thinking about joining some clubs...maybe the GLBT club since I don't have any gay friends, the computer club, and a support group run by my school for shy/quiet people. My social skills are severely lacking though, and I'm very anxious around new people so I need to come up with some sort of game plan so that I don't just sit there being super nervous about everything.

Inviting people to do things is very hard for me since I have this huge fear of rejection. My confidence has been really low for the last few years and it isn't getting any better. I'm pretty sure I have social anxiety disorder, but I shouldn't label myself.
 
Don't worry to much, when you start your new course you'll probably find you have more in common with the people on it if this is what you want to do in comparison to the other course you did. I'm in a similar situation, i'm just about to go into my third year of uni and hate my chosen course (biology), it's definately not for me, so i'm hoping to persue other things once it's over with!
 
Don't worry, you will probably find that you'll have more in common with the people on the next course you want to do if your more into it than the last one you did. I'm in a similar situation at the moment; i'm about to go into my third year of uni and I hate the course i'm doing (biology), so i'm hoping to find something better once its over with!
 
My social skills are severely lacking though, and I'm very anxious around new people so I need to come up with some sort of game plan so that I don't just sit there being super nervous about everything.

Inviting people to do things is very hard for me since I have this huge fear of rejection. My confidence has been really low for the last few years and it isn't getting any better. I'm pretty sure I have social anxiety disorder, but I shouldn't label myself.
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You need some psychological support here to overcome your nervousness and possibly some solid psychiatric counselling to help you rid yourself of the fear of rejection.

Otherwise, you are likely to withdraw more and more.

See your doc. Seek out therapy.

Practice saying hello and smiling at everyone you meet. Seriously. Ask them how they are today. Talk about the weather.

Stop being so serious about everything.

Get a good haircut. Buy some good clothes. Stand up straight.

Eat better. No caffiene, no HFCS, no msg.

All of these things affect how you get through your day and your health.

Get going.
 
I am not a psychological expert, but I think most of us go through life making acquaintances that are only good for the current situation like a job, school, neighborhood, or social club. Leave that situation and you leave those acquaintances behind.

So, don't stress out. You'll meet new people with new opportunities.

Also, I will be happy to chat with you online. I am always looking to meet new friends too.
 
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