I Can't Say It...

[strangelittleboy]

So, I think the main reason I'm having trouble coming out is because I can't say "I'm gay." Not because I don't want to, but because when I hear the word "gay," it's like you're admitting that there's something "wrong" with you and there is nothing wrong with me. Recently, I've been thinking that the best way for me to "say" it is to write it down. For example, if I invite my sister over and say: "There's something I need to tell you and I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time, but I can't say it...So, I'm going to write it down." Then, I'd proceed to write: "I'm gay" on a post-it note and hand it to her...and maybe she'll say: "Really?" and I'll say: "Yes, I am" without saying the word gay because I don't want to sound like I have a "disease" because it's not a disease....Does anyone understand what I'm trying to say. I'm not ashamed that I'm gay or that I like men, but I say that word out loud, it's like you're admitting there's something wrong with you, at least by the conventional standards of everyone else.

I'm not trying to be cowardly and I hope it doesn't sound that way, but is it wrong that it might be easier for me to write it down on a piece of paper instead of saying it out loud?

 

[discoTETRIS]

I understand how you feel. I think it's okay for you to write it out on a post-it not, as long as you let her know and that will make you feel better.

 

[Kessel]

I understand that. Ussually when i come out to a friend or someone, i ask one of my close friends who already know to come and say "He's gay" for me. lol.

 

[strangelittleboy]

Ussually when i come out to a friend or someone, i ask one of my close friends who already know to come and say "He's gay" for me. lol.

My niece says she'll tell my sister for me, as we were talking the other day; and I told her: "No, this isn't your thing." I've never been much of a talker and it's always been easier to have conversations with people over the phone as opposed to in person...

 

[screwnutty]

I think that's a fine way to tell your sister. It takes time before you can just say the words "I'm gay!" Trust me on this. I've been there before. So good luck!

 

[gerrit]

The sad news is that by writing it on a post-it or having someone say it for you means you are still closeted and unable to accept yourself.

The reason why you mention is in the first two sentences.

So, I think the main reason I'm having trouble coming out is because I can't say "I'm gay." Not because I don't want to, but because when I hear the word "gay," it's like you're admitting that there's something "wrong" with you and there is nothing wrong with me.

The funny thing with us humans is that we are always contradicting ourselves.
You say there is nothing wrong with you (which is very true) the only problem is that you don't believe it to be so....

Am I making sense?

 

[rareboy]

Why don't you tell them that you're homosexual instead?

 

[strangelittleboy]

The sad news is that by writing it on a post-it or having someone say it for you means you are still closeted and unable to accept yourself.

Excuse me, do you know how to read? I later clarified that statement when I said I was referring to the "conventional standards of everyone else," and not my own so don't even say that to me. I also told my niece that she CAN'T tell my sister FOR me because "it's my thing." Am I making sense?

 

[strangelittleboy]

Why don't you tell them that you're homosexual instead?

Because I don't like that word, never have.

 

[backpacker]

I think writing it down will only make a bigger deal out of it than it is. I also don't understand how writing it in her presence will be any easy than just telling her. You would still be admitting to the same thing.

If you were talking about handing her a prepared letter that included your feelings, then it would make more sense to me. You could tell her that you have something to share with her, but don't know how to say it so you wrote it in a letter. Have her read it in your presence, then you could discuss it.

 

[Telstra]

I understands u completely. This is a quote from Shepherd 2 might help.


Quote:
For me the fact is that I did not know myself that I was gay until I was forty-nine. Man was I surprised. That was about 18 years ago. I was a married man for 24 years and raised three children.

Now I am a "man's man" in that other sense. I have my hands on his cock almost as much as on my own. He is a keeper, and I am not all that different from you. You will read this and think, "That fucker must be as dumb as a stone." But the closet was deep and bolted tightly years ago, and going out was a scary thing then for a certainty. I know it is now too, but many of us struggled for years with out identity. Now I work to help people in their teens which is the time of identity issues in development and I try to guide them. It is a lot different, but there are still difficult issues for your group coming along. Is that helpful, if not PM me with personal questions."

 

[strangelittleboy]

If you are afraid of words then you are truly a coward.

Ok, where once in my post did I say I was "afraid?" I said I don't "like" the word. Are like and afraid the same word? Are they synonyms? No, they're two different words, so shut your mouth. There are a lot of words I don't like, including: queer, homo, faggot, fag, lesbo, should I go on? Don't even try to turn this around on me because in the end, I will do it my way and I don't have to appease you. I said I didn't like the word, I didn't say I was afraid. What the hell is your problem?

 

[DarkHelios]

If it's just the word you don't like, why not just say that you like men?

 

[AaronG]

I've never done a written coming-out, but other people have, and it seems to work (piggy, for one, came out to his sister that way - he even posted a picture of his post-it here).

I admit that the words "I'm gay" kind of stick in my throat, but for me, choosing to say them aloud is an affirmation that there's nothing wrong with me, and that other people's notions of normalcy can't control me.

That's just me. The important thing is that you're ready to come out, however you want to do it. Go for it, and good luck.

 

[Boogerqueesha]

it's like you're admitting there's something wrong with you, at least by the conventional standards of everyone else.

GAY means *happy*. It's a name homosexuals gave themselves to refute claims that homosexuals are disturbed and UNhappy. You, my dear, do not have the right to call yourself gay. You're homosexual.

If you're living by 'the conventional standards of everyone else,' then don't come out at all, whether it be by speaking or writing. At any rate, according to both law and to history, the written word is much, much more powerful than the spoken.

You have trouble coming out because you have trouble coming out. Not because of any word. Words are just names given to concepts. This particular concept is one that you seem to have a problem with, which is funny- how can you expect others to be okay with it if YOU yourself aren't?

You seem to be fairly sure that you are homosexual. Why don't you say it to yourself? Say it. Maybe if you say it to yourself enough, you'll finally accept it. That's the most practical advice I can give.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey SLB,

Mate...stop. Breathe. Relax. Somehow this has all turned around on you to get you on the defensive... and thats not what its meant to be... You can here to ask for help... lets get back to that... there will always be people who see things differently and have different points of view... its what makes JUB the great place it is...doesn't mean anyone is wrong or right... just different.

For the longest time I was like you. The word Gay just resonated in my head for all the wrong reasons. It immediately made me think of the worst aspects of our lifestyle, the extremes, the stereotypes... the things that sometimes made normal tolerant people say things they might not normally. I think the media and society have used the word to describe us as group collectively - and usually negatively - so maybe thats why you pick up on it.

It doesn't matter that you don't like the word. Really it doesn't. I think in time you'll come to be ok with the word... you just need to here it in a different context a few times. Like when someone you love calls you gay in a loving way. Like a family member or friend. It'll take time... it did for me... but soon enough you'll reset your thinking so it means what you want it to mean for you...not everyone else.

What you should feel proud of - really proud of - is the fact that you want to tell your sister. That you want to be open and honest. That you want people to see who you really are so they can love all of you, not just part of you. Thats the important thing here... your courage and determination.

And sometimes through the acceptance of others we take another step in being able to publicly show what we feel inside. Not shame or embarrassment, but the ability to love, laugh, nurture and feel. We are different SLB, no doubt. But we are more alike than different, don't ever forget that. What makes you an amazing guy today will still be there tomorrow after your sister knows...

As to how to tell her... well... the paper thing does make it seem like you'll be ashamed of telling her even though your not. Its like you cant find any words to say so you have to write it down. Dont give her the impression that you cant describe yourself... it will be easy for her to misunderstand your actions. To me you have to find a way to say something...

What about...

" sisters name...., I want to be honest with you. I want to share a huge secret that I'm carrying. I want to tell you something that I've carried for too long and I want to do this because I love you and you mean so much to me. I need to be open with you and I need you to love me for who I am. I've known all my life but I've never been able to tell you because I have been scared ...for all sorts of reasons... but now I want to ... need to... let you know who I really am.

sisters name...., this isnt the easist thing to say. In fact its the hardest thing I've ever had to say in my life... but... I like guys. I hope you understand... I just need you to know"

Dunno... but you can just say that you like guys, that you love guys, that guys do it for you, that you are attracted to guys... there are lots of ways SLB... just find one that you are comfortable with. Just find some words though...

You'll be fine mate... she'll see you for who you are...not the words you use. We all do!!!! Good luck buddy...let us know how you get on!!!

 

[screwnutty]

Strangelittleboy.

Do you care what a bunch of strangers say about you? I hope not. Do what you feel your comfortable doing and don't let anybody try to make you think otherwise.

Good luck to you!

 

[strangelittleboy]

Thank you, screwnutty. If you get a request on MSN, that's me.

 

[screwnutty]

Thank you, screwnutty. If you get a request on MSN, that's me.

Okay....um I pm'ed you back. Or at least I pm'ed a guy named Ben back. Incase you haven't sent it out yet. little confused here!

 

[maxpowr9]

I agree with you. I hate saying that "I'm gay" similar to what you said.

I instead spin it to make it a positive by saying, "I love the cock". Doesn't that sound much better?