I Can't Say It...

[provenlogic]

Sounds to me like you still have problems accepting yourself, and you're making excuses about not liking words so you don't have to deal with confronting the real issues holding you back. If you were truly ok with yourself, it wouldn't matter about the words you use, that's transitory, and a cop-out, imo.

 

[screwnutty]

GUYS. PLEASE. CAN WE KEEP THIS THREAD ON TOPIC! Good God. I pity the mod that has to come in here and mop up this thread.

Look not taking sides here but Strangelittleboy is just asking us one question... that is that he feels saying the words "I'm Gay" is like admitting that there's something wrong with him. Which there isn't. So guys come on how about some encouragement and maybe tell him how you came out to others and such. Instead of calling him a coward and how he's not sure of himself. Come on guys. We've all been there before. Were all use to walking in our own skins....how about we take a walk in Strangelittleboys skin and see life through his eyes....his fears and such. Why do we have to turn this into a "get out of the closet you queer and be proud of yourself."

Come on....This is JUB. Were better then this. All we have in life is each other. Can't we all just get along?

 

[strangelittleboy]

I agree with you. I hate saying that "I'm gay" similar to what you said.

I never said that I hated anything, I said I was uncomfortable about saying it out loud because when you do that (in front of a straight person), they take it as an admission (in their minds) that something is wrong with you while all the time, there isn't. How many times do I have to explain this so that people understand? Everybody is jumping down my throat for the wrong reasons...

 

[M4P]

GUYS. PLEASE. CAN WE KEEP THIS THREAD ON TOPIC! Good God. I pity the mod that has to come in here and mop up this thread.

Thanks screwnutty

 

[screwnutty]

Thanks screwnutty

Your welcome Brian! I'm hear to help! You guys are busy enough as it is!

 

[tallguy297]

How many times do I have to explain this so that people understand? Everybody is jumping down my throat for the wrong reasons...

Mate... please dont take it that way. I'm sure no one here means to make you feel like that... people are just different and nearly all post from their own experiences and past... and how they've dealt with things. Its not meant to be a personal attack and I dont think anyone here in thier right mind thinks you are a coward. Thats not a word that fits here on this board and your asking the question in the first place proves otherwise.

As for my own advice... this is truly the most personal thing you can tell anyone. Its a deeply individual process and one that carries burdens that you alone know. Do what ever you feel comfortable with...whatever helps you through it.

For me... it had to be spoken. It was too emotional, too powerful to write down. I cant remember the words but I know the feelings that went into what I said and how the people I told reacted. Thats my only concern with writing it... your sister may misunderstand why you had to write it. Dont let her think you are ashamed of who you are because you cant say the words.... because its abundantly clear you're not!

Good luck mate... no matter how you do it, feel proud that you're strong enough to do it.

 

[G-Lexington]

I think your responses to other folks are perhaps more telling than your original post. You seem really on edge about this. And if you're this touchy about it, I'd say that's something that you need to work on. So try to become more comfortable with the whole thing. Try saying "I'm gay" out loud to yourself, in the mirror if you'd like, until it doesn't sound weird too you.

As for your original post, sure, you can write it down. But it does sort of turn it into a production - "I have something to announce that's so earth-shattering, I can't even utter it. I'll have to commit it to paper." So why not find other words to say the same? "I like guys" is an easy way to put it. Or "I prefer guys". There are many ways to put it - just find the one you find the easiest.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

That's funny, I haven't told anyone either. In fact, my sister said the EXACT same thing to me when she helped me look for this apartment. We were standing in the bedroom and all of a sudden she said, "Hey, you could really get it on with SOMEONE in here and nobody could hear you." I was stunned that she didn't say girl and I just laughed it off because I didn't know what to say. Maybe she does know.

Tell her the Someone you're seeing has a penis.

 

[rareboy]

when I hear the word "gay," it's like you're admitting that there's something "wrong" with you and there is nothing wrong with me.

without saying the word gay because I don't want to sound like I have a "disease" because it's not a disease....

By the way, you should first explore why you equate saying the word aloud with a disease.

Frankly I've always thought it was a stupid and vapid term that is equal to 'passed on' for 'dead.'
It is one of the reasons that I'm sure so many young guys identify as bisexual, because bisexual sounds cool, whereas gay sounds just too, too frivole and camp.

 

[gerrit]

Excuse me, do you know how to read? I later clarified that statement when I said I was referring to the "conventional standards of everyone else," and not my own so don't even say that to me. I also told my niece that she CAN'T tell my sister FOR me because "it's my thing." Am I making sense?

Do yourself a favor and re-read this thread in 10 then 20 years from now and see how you would respond had it been someone else's question...

Your pouncing on comments is a good thing that way you keep repeating your contradictions and sooner or later you will see the light....

Aahhhh youth......
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[netwire]

Well, just my $0.02 -- If you do not wish to tell her "I'm gay" then use some other description that you feel better with. For example you could say;

"Hello (name here), can we talk a second?... Look, I'm not sure how to tell you this but it's something I just have to get off my chest and I hope that you will understand. For the longest time I have had feeling I could not explain, but I now understand them. I am not attracted to girls, but find that I am attracted to men."

 

[strangelittleboy]

By the way, you should first explore why you equate saying the word aloud with a disease.

Because that's what straight people think when they hear someone tell them they're gay. Then, THEY start thinking, "Oh, that's what was wrong with him," like it's some kind of ailment they can cure if they just try to convince you.

 

[M4P]

Because that's what straight people think when they hear someone tell them they're gay. Then, THEY start thinking, "Oh, that's what was wrong with him," like it's some kind of ailment they can cure if they just try to convince you.

You're generalizing all straight people which isn't fair

Many, you will find, will be very supportive and try to encourage you along

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Because that's what straight people think when they hear someone tell them they're gay. Then, THEY start thinking, "Oh, that's what was wrong with him," like it's some kind of ailment they can cure if they just try to convince you.

This has happened with precisely one person I've ever told. That's out of, oh, a hundred or more. And it's not like Colorado and New Mexico (the two places I've lived since coming out) are the most open-minded states in the union. You'll be surprised how many people just don't care.

Lex

 

[Daximus]

Been there. It gets easier everytime you just go ahead and say it. You'll find most people will accept it and go on with things as normal. Those who don't are just uncomfortable because of their own issues and don't deserve your attention at all. Kinda makes me wish there was an ignore function for life like here on the forums.

 

[-Lance-]

I hate when people come out in writing.

Or on the phone.

 

[Lube]

It's good that you want to say "I'm gay".

It took me until middle age to be able to admit it to myself.

But even after admitting it to myself, it took me a good 6 months before I could tell other people. Just like for you, the phrase "I'm gay" rang in my ears like a churchbell in an empty town.

It made me feel so different, so exposed (for others to laugh at and ridicule), so vulnerable. God only knows my brothers, sisters, parents, cousins, aunts, & uncles made fun of "those" gay people (who weren't like "us"--little did they know! ).

But after 6 months or so at JUB, and after coming out to a few select known-gay men who were my friends, I came to accept myself and my gayness and to see that "gay" is not negative.

Maybe you're not ready yet?

 

[bcwang]

I never said "I'm gay" to my friends when i came out to them. I always said:"I like guys".

 

[jab182]

A few weeks ago, I was telling a girl that I work with, who is a lesbian, and I couldn't bring myself to say it!

I tried and tried, but couldn't say the words "i'm gay" even thought i knew she would accept because she is gay herself.

I ended up going on break and sending her a text message telling her, it was a lot easier that way.

 

[screwnutty]

Look maybe I didn't get the official handbook to coming out gay. But I think there's no right way or wrong way to say that your gay, you like guys or hell even text, email, snail mail or phone call telling somebody!

Sure there's 18 year olds who can say "I'm gay!" and then there other guys who can't say it until there 104. I don't see what the big deal is on how you tell somebody as long as your ready to do so. You have to be comfortable with yourself before your ready to face the world. Hardest moment was with a best friend...I just turned to him and said it. To other's I've e-mailed or let them find out on there own. To each his own, I say!