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I cant take it anymore

D

dragonlord0919

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It seems like all of my friends are getting married or dating someone wile im left by myself, im still in the closet but im dying because i want more than anything to be with someone and there just arnt any guys like me around my town. i just dont know what to do anymore, any advice?


(p.s. i just finished watching brokeback mountain for the first time and i guess thats what pushed me over the edge haha)
 
It's great that you've reached out here. Coming out is never easy.

It may seem like you are the only one, but you aren't. If you are in a small town that doesn't have a local GLBT organization, I would suggest going to the nearest medium or big city and finding a coming out support group. Another idea might be to see a GLBT friendly therapist.

Oh and Brokeback is a downer, so no wonder you feel bad, but it isn't the 1960's anymore, even if there is still that mentality in some places.

If you have to, you can always move.

Good luck and I'm sure you'll get some more advice from the guys here.
 
palemale said:
Get the hell out of North Carolina. At least get the hell out your town and move to a city or gay friendly town.
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Couldn't agree more. I happen to love North Carolina, but it can be stifling, especially if you're in a small town there. If it's impractical to move away, then at least take short trips and see and experience something new.

BBM, despite its hype, was not that great a movie, imho, mostly because it was such a downer. I was depressed for a week after seeing it.

Anyway, just get out and meet people. Turn on your gaydar and sniff out gay people and chum up. Use the Internet to meet gay people in your area for get togethers, coffee, etc. Once you find a gay friend or two, meet their friends, and their friends, and network that way. Pretty soon, your address book (and dance card) will be full--hopefully with quality people who make life worth living.

Good luck!
 
I'd add to Eagle's advice that if you want friends, focus on that separately from having sex with guys. I'm not saying you can't be friends with guys you have sex with, but you shouldn't be looking to be friends with all the guys you have sex with if you're looking for casual sex. If you aren't looking for casual sex, then disregard this advice.
 
thanks for the advice guys, no im not looking for sex, im looking for a real relationship with a real guy. i guess you could say i act "straight" and i see these guys out there that are more flamboyant than others (not that there is anything wrong with that) but thats just not me and not what im looking for, which makes it harder for me haha
 
Do you really act straight? I call bullshit.

A lot of gay guys won't go to gay places because they don't want to be seen with drag queens, and effeminate men and stuff like that- but I think if they really were 'masculine' why would they care. I used to have these same hang-ups but I was just really being a scaredy cat. =p

And yeah it's hard, cuz you will avoid flamers by avoiding gay places but then again you also will have a hard time being yourself and finding romantic love among the straights. You could get lucky and develop a natural relationship with another gay man without the 'gay' label, which is what we want idealistically but then again, that takes a lot of luck.

Couldn't you put up with a few annoying queens if your potential soulmate is mixed amongst them? And who knows maybe you will lighten up about your own inner woman.

Man up and go to your nearest gay bar. It's what I'm trying to do. =p
 
and i see these guys out there that are more flamboyant than others (not that there is anything wrong with that) but thats just not me and not what im looking for, which makes it harder for me haha
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BULLSHIT, you still have issues. If you really didn't think anything was wrong with it, you'd be able to confront them head on. Since when did every gay man have to be your potential love interest anyway. Why on earth can't you be good friends with an effeminate gay male?

I find it really funny how much effeminate gay men are shitted on, when we're the ones that do the most work in the community. We're the one that's supporting your sorry ass!

Not that effeminiate gay men are perfect, but people need to stop using them as their excuse why their own life sucks.

There are plenty of masculine gay men, but they also know that being around an effeminate person won't 'demasuclinize them' like an insecure fucktard. So they are mixed in with all those flamers you're avoiding.
 
just to clarify i don't have any problems with effeminate guys and i think it would be cool to hang out with them, the only thing i meant by it was that i just wasn't looking to date one, i didn't mean any disrespect or anything.
 
I suggest you use an Internet gay dating site.
 
dragonlord0919 said:
just to clarify i don't have any problems with effeminate guys and i think it would be cool to hang out with them, the only thing i meant by it was that i just wasn't looking to date one, i didn't mean any disrespect or anything.
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I think I know where you are coming from and I think there's a solution for it. You are at a time in your life and in a stage that is self-focused. By seeing the spectrum of the real gay world you'll have a better sense of yourself and a better chance to find people you are interested in dating.

Begin by reading about the gay rights movement and you'll begin to appreciate the courage of the fem gays who together with butch lesbians risked everything for the rest of us. Those of us who fit into a more mainstream look really have benefited from their continual presence. They take constant heat in much of the country.

I'm not a fan of BBM. I think it can add to the fantasy of having a down low long term relationship and the fantasy that the man of one's dreams is just going to show up at your door. Blaming the 60s for their lack of courage is an excuse. Gays have formed relationships since the beginning of time. They wouldn't have had to come out to have found a way to have lived together.

Being gay and wanting a partner or even sex requires risk. Most people who jump over the hurdle do so for the sake of sanity and happiness. Never do anything to risk personal safety, but, at the same time, you need to protect your mental well-being.
 
Yeah, I remember that glass wall. I remember watching everyone else get what they wanted, I remember it pissing me the fuck off.

Sorry to say, you'll never have a real relationship from that side of the closet door. How could you, you can't introduce a guy to your friends, you can't introduce him to your family, you can't have him seen as a part of your life.

Ask yourself this, what kind of offer is that? You have to be the right guy, just as much as the other guy. How fair is it to ask someone to be your dirty little secret? What kind of guy would put up with that?

No matter what kind of guy you are, hiding your partner tells him you're ashamed of him and yourself.

Yes it does.

If you weren't worried about someone finding out you liked guys, you wouldn't be hiding.

I sympathize. I lived in the closet too, in Texas, I understand. But at some point you have to ask yourself how long you're going to let your fear dictate the terms of your life, and how much you're willing to risk to be yourself, and be happy.

Be a man. No one can do that for you, and no guy worth the time is going to stay until you can.

BTW, you're a fag, just like the flamer, no one who's not gay see's any kind of difference between you and the drag queen. You like cock, there's nothing straight about you.

The only thing straight guys have in common is they all like pussy.

I understand that too, I've been there. When I first came out, I called myself SA/SA, but that's all bullshit, it's straight drag. There's nothing straight about me, there never was. Acting or otherwise.

We all want the fairytale, and there's nothing wrong with that, but most of us don't want to see that in order to get the fairytale, you have to be prince charming yourself. You get what you put out there - and if you stay in the closet, all you'll ever get are guys who hide, and guys with issues.

You want happily ever after, you have to start with yourself.

It's not easy, it certainly wasn't for me, and it certainly wasn't for anyone I've ever known. But you know what, you want to be a big ole' butch guy, grab your fucking sack and come the fuck out. You aren't any kind of man, while you're hiding in the dark - and every drag queen has it all over you.

This is a good place to start. A lot of us have been where you are, and said what your saying. You're not alone, you never were. We're here to catch you if you need it.
 
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