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I Can't Tell If He's Gay

He said he was going to be busy with his family yesterday. So you text him all day and try calling him a couple times, and are upset that he only contacted you back once?

Maybe I'm too traditional-minded, or too much of a Luddite, but when a friend tells me "I'm going to be busy tomorrow", I say "Cool - call me the next day." And they do. Without me texting them every half hour to make sure they haven't forgotten about me.

Calm. Down.

Leave him one message - one - saying "Hey, I know you're busy now - give me a buzz when you're free." Then leave it at that.

Lex
 
Jay ...

Take a few breaths. Calm down. Relax, and just Be YOURSELF!

Right now, the only things the two of you know about each other are what you've been willing to show each other. No one can see into another person's mind. And, quite often, what you "see" on the outside can be quite different from what's going on inside. Guessing will get you nowhere!

In order for Him to "open up" to You, You need to be willing to let Him get to know the "Real" You. What He may chose to do with/about that knowledge is entirely up to Him. You can not control how He may react. You can only control how You respond to Him.

If You are not sure about what He may, or may not, be trying to tell You, then You need to react in the way that You WANT TO, not the way that You might THINK that You "Should"!

Next time He may grab your arm ... lean into Him. Sitting next to each other? Casually let your leg touch His, and don't withdraw. See if He is the one to move away first. He says, "Could I pass as a Gay Guy?" You (Sincerely), "Would You like to?" He's staring at You ... You say, Sincerely, again, no kidding/mocking tone, "Do you like what you see?"

Do not "Push"! Do not "Pursue"! But, don't "run away", either. He needs to feel "safe" with You. Respect His "public persona" when you're around other people. But, You also have to let Him know that it's O.K. if He has any further intentions with You.

Make Youself "comfortably available". Relax! Act "naturally". "No big deal" one way, or the other. If He gets negative ... respect that. If He reacts positively, accept it calmly ... with a smile. Be HONEST!

It is said that most of our regrets come from the things we DIDN'T Do! (And, you can trust Me on that one! It's True!!)

Be the first one to "Drop Your Shields". Only then can He be expected to feel comfortable enough to drop His, too. Either way it goes, it will be a "Good Thing"! Because ... THEN You will KNOW! (And, it's the Not Knowing that's "Killing" You!)

Good Luck with this one!! (group)

And ... of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
Jesus.

If someone annoyed the hell out of me by trying to call and text me all the time after I had told them I was spending time with family, I'd tell them to Fuck Off. Period.

Look. Tell him you're gay.

Deal with the consequences.

Although, frankly, I really don't see what you find appealing about this guy at all from your posts so far.
 
>>>i kno i feel kind of stupid for just blabbing on and not actually trying out your guy's advice....

One of my biggest faults is that I'm often accused of giving advice when it's not wanted. As one person succinctly put it, "Damnit, Lex, I don't want this problem SOLVED! I want this problem LISTENED TO!"

...I have a feeling I've been guilty of doing that in this thread here.

Lex
 
One of the Best things about JUB is that You can come here, and talk all you want!! If someone finds it "annoying", that is THEIR Problem ... not Yours! No one is forcing anyone else to read this!

By ALL means ... Post ALL You want!!! :gogirl:(group)

And, of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
jayroddick123 said:
..and i think im starting to annoy some ppl with this thread so ill stop posting..
Click to expand...

No annoyance here.

Besides, we always want to know how the story ends. Well, maybe most of the time we do... :p
 
From what you've told me, this is what I think:

He's straight. He knows you're gay and he's just toying with you and testing you because you're not being upfront about it.

First off, how old are you? I'm guessing you're in high school. If you're not out about your sexuality, I wouldn't tell him. Chances are he's not as close a friend as you think. Maybe just an acquaintance. Have you ever hung out with him outside of class? If you tell him you're gay, how can you trust that he won't tell everyone else in your school? Also, doesn't all this suggestive muscle feeling and rubbing seem awkward as hell to the rest of the class?

But like I said, he clearly sees something in you that gives you away or else he wouldn't keep toying with you like that.
 
I think Lex has nailed it.

You don't seem as interested in a solution as you are in the attention to your problem.

I think you like the drama of the guessing game more than actually knowing.

I repeat my advice. You go first. You risk all. You tell him you're gay and see if he goes running.
 
I agree with Rareboy. Your not listening. You seem to love this guessing game that your playing with him. Until your ready to tell him that your gay and get his reaction then your stuck in this spot of him grabbing your arm etc.

The problem will solve itself sooner or later....he will either find another person, girl or guy or your classes with him will end. Time marches on regardless how you feel about the matter.
 
hes onto you.
take it.
what guy asks you to touch his muscles....and ask if he could pass for gay...not a straight one.
 
I dealt with the same thing a couple years ago. It actually was almost exactly what happened to me. The guys name was df and he would proposition me in the same way. From my experience all this means is that he is severely messed up about his sexuality and hes a ticking time bomb so keep your distance. Personally I know that the guy your talking about is gay because he's identical to the guy that messed around with me. So just leave him alone, eventually he will contact you in the future trying to sleep with you. Trust me it happened to me. But for right now just tell him that he's freaking you out and you should stop hanging out till he promises to stop freaking you out. Trust me, this will work.
 
Good.

Not that he's straight, but that you now know. So you can move your attentions elsewhere. :)

Lex
 
mascbiguy said:
so how do you know? did you ask him?
Click to expand...

I was wondering the same thing.

My thinking was if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. But you're saying it's not duck. How do you know?

You're short response is a concern. What has happened?
 
yeah your short responce is pretty scary. whatever happened, perhaps this is an indication that hes not for you as a friend let alone as a boyfriend, although if you found out hes straight, thats already out of the picture.

I agree that it seems that us unexpeirenced gay young'ns like the drama of not knowing...but that shit turns you mad, man. so i mean its whatever you want, but you really should consider forgetting about him or telling him to get the stress out of your life.
 
>>>You're short response is a concern. What has happened?

It may be that he simply has decided to brand him "straight", even if he's not sure. But if that means he moves on, that's not a bad thing, I don't think.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Yes. Get used to them. It's a common problem. :)

Lex
Click to expand...


It will continue to be a common problem until the day comes when people won't have to feel the need to hide or feel ashamed of their sexuality. I think that day will come one day....just don't know if it will happen in the next 150 years or not.
 
I think it will.

I've talked to some gay teens over on EC. I'm much more likely to see problems like "I can't get this cute gay guy at school to like me" than "I'm afraid my parents will hate me if I come out." Not that there aren't threads like that, but they're not as common. And the "the cute gay guy" threads are coming from places like Iowa. I think a LOT of ground has been covered over the last twenty years. :)

Lex
 
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