I concede defeat!! HELP!!

[wilehart1978]

Hey Guys..I think I'm pissed right now or relieved.

I'm not a guy who likes bars or the gay scene. I have been trying personals to meet some cool guys to hang with. I was talking to this one guy who was in his mid-40's....The age worried me a little bit because some 40-somethings have not held up well, but I didn't want it to be a deal breaker. I thought I'd start the conversation by us just talking and the first few notes were cool. I had not asked for a picture because I wanted to get to know the person first. Well, today I decided to ask for a pic and that coupled with the directness of the last note made me realize we were not a match. I think frustration is now setting in because I don't want to seem superficial because looks fade. I don't want to seem like a prude because sex is a part of a relationship. And, I don't want to search for that someone special in a bar because I doubt we will have much in common since that is not my scene.

I have decided to search for that someone special; but this time I want that someone special to be female. I have come to the realization the guy part of my sexuality is more of a hassle than I want. So, some advice guys -- gay, straight or bisexual -- how do you know when to concede defeat?! I think I'm a really cool guy and I have some super male friends who like me are into sports, hiking and hanging out...I just can't seem to find that special guy who does the same fun stuff or has the same interests as my friends and me -- that IS a deal breaker. I will be removing my personal ad tomorrow. Right now at 3:15 am, I'm very frustrated this late guy turned out to be another disappointment. I am now starting to believe it must be fate.

 

[8tomtoms8]

Hey buddy,
I'm not one to give advice but if you like guys and girls equally, I would go for a girl. It is so much simpler, more accepted and will make your family much happier.
I'm gay because I'm only attracted to guys. If I had a choice, I'd find a girl for sure. I don't think anyone with a lick of sense actually "chooses" to be gay.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

 

[Spazz04]

Can't you keep your options open? You might still find a guy who fills your needs, all the easier if it's a women you meet. I'm sorry this guy didn't work out. I wouldn't give up hope though. I think there's a lot of pressure to find a life-partner and settle down. We all want that nice house and big yard, a perfect place to entertain... Just enjoy your day to day life and keep your eye open for love along the way, it'll happen. Best of luck!

 

[xygraywolf]

I totally feel you here. I know it's hard to choose where your feelings lie. I'm in the same position, but I'm attracted to guys only as well. Those "chickies" just don't do it for me. I seem to come across every 40+ or 20-something superficial person that was ever created. I just want someone my age that isn't all that. Don't worry, you'll figure it out! Best of luck in whatever you do!

 

[wilehart1978]

Thanks, Spazz!

I was wondering that while I was working out today...I think I may keep my options open. The guy I was talking about in this note, sent me a note back and now wants to be friends. After he sent a suggestive email earlier, I really believe that! I guess it has just been tougher than I thought. I'm not a hook-up kinda guy either, so this kinda sucks...lol.

Can't you keep your options open? You might still find a guy who fills your needs, all the easier if it's a women you meet. I'm sorry this guy didn't work out. I wouldn't give up hope though. I think there's a lot of pressure to find a life-partner and settle down. We all want that nice house and big yard, a perfect place to entertain... Just enjoy your day to day life and keep your eye open for love along the way, it'll happen. Best of luck!

 

[wilehart1978]

Thanks 8tom,

It comes in spurts. Right now, I really would like to see what could develop with a guy...I just was wondering what it would be like to be in a fun kind of relationship with a guy. I wondered if it was the same as being with a guy -- I mean emotionaly of course. I have had some serious guy crushes, but those guys were straight friends who were like me in every way except sexually. I can't seem to find guys like that. I know they are out there because they post here. Who said dating was easy??!! LOL

Hey buddy,
I'm not one to give advice but if you like guys and girls equally, I would go for a girl. It is so much simpler, more accepted and will make your family much happier.
I'm gay because I'm only attracted to guys. If I had a choice, I'd find a girl for sure. I don't think anyone with a lick of sense actually "chooses" to be gay.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

 

[wilehart1978]

Xygray,

I so agree with you and it sucks. The 40 plusers that have had interests just have not held up well. I'm not into a 20- guy by any stretch. Funny, the female market is there if I want it, but right now it isn't for me....However, at least it is much less frustrating.

I totally feel you here. I know it's hard to choose where your feelings lie. I'm in the same position, but I'm attracted to guys only as well. Those "chickies" just don't do it for me. I seem to come across every 40+ or 20-something superficial person that was ever created. I just want someone my age that isn't all that. Don't worry, you'll figure it out! Best of luck in whatever you do!

 

[spiderhead]

I've had great luck dating Europeans actually. I'm the sort of exact same way you are and not into hook-ups and all. My current boyfriend (of two years now) is a wonderful monogamous person and waited for 4 months of dating before we had sex.

He's also very chill. Really not high-maintenance at all but likes to enoy life on the occasion. BTW he's French.

The last few people that I had any luck with at all were European of some sort. In my experience they're a lot less materialistic than Americans, are well educated and have all sorts of fun cultural traditions they bring to the table.

Ok enough of my rant.

 

[fireside]

We're pretty much in the same boat, dude. (I'm gonna go ahead and turn over the duties of captaining to you, however.) I'm not necessarily throwing in the towel, because I see finding someone for myself as a welcome challenge, one away from which I shall never shy. It just isn't right when there's an overlying sense of disconnect between yourself and someone with whom you'd hope to achieve a bond, even more so when it happens repeatedly.