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I could really use some advice.

R

Rk1984

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Hey guys,

So here's my story. I came out when I was 20. I met a guy and we dated for nearly three years. Things were great at first, we moved in together. I was in love. Then things started to go down hill, he lost his job and was on unemployment for over a year and a half, while I could support both of us it was very straining on our relationship. I would do my best to encourage him, email him job openings I found online and would talk with him for hours about getting an action plan together. Things just never changed, it was like he was just stuck in a never-ending rut. I don't know I I was just nieve or what but I honestly loved him. He would always do romantic things for me and tell me that he loved me as well. Well to make a looong story short it didn't end up working out and by his own admission he told me it was over and that we should see other people (he had been saying this for a while but we would always make up and things would go back to normal...for a little while.)

Finally one day when we got into another argument and he said it again ( that it wasn't going to work) I did just that, I left. I was angry and hurt, but a couple days later he would call me and see if I was "ok" I wasn't of course but we grew apart. We would occasionally talk after that and he would tell me how much he missed me etc, but nothing ever became of it. About six months later I met someone else and we started casually dating. We had a lot in common and got along great. Everything was looking up, I wax happy. Thinks started to get more serious, he met my parents (something my previous partner had refused to do.) and things were just grand, and still are.

But my ex had really been tugging at my heartstrings lately (we decided to try the "just friends route" when we split) I do not cheat and would never consider something like that, but I still care about him a lot. I sit up at night thinking about it and just have to stop myself from tearing up. He keeps telling me how sorry he is and how much he loves me, and I just don't know if I can take it anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want to be happy.

I don't really know if this means anything to anyone, or if anyone else has ever been in a similar situation, but I just needed to get this out somewhere before my head explodes, any advice would be appreciated. Thanks guys.
 
Today, particularly in the gay community, guys are not ready to settle down to a monogamous relationship until mid to late 30's. That's not to say there aren't exceptions. However, I'd keep your friend as a friend and as you age, you'll know whether or not the relationship is worth having for life. Early 20's is too young. Try all types and know for sure that this is the guy for you.
 
I think you maybe jumped into something else a little too soon. You seem to carrying baggage from guy No. 1.
 
That and he's the one who ended it, and it's kinda a dick move to hamstring you with all his crap now that you've found someone else.
 
are you happy with the guy you are with now? if yes, forget about your "friend," if you're not willing to put up with all you left behind before, don't even think about going back to him. People don't usually change mate and in the remote case they do it doesn't happen in a year. Anyway, it's all up to you.

good luck.
 
You need to remember that at this point, you are emotionalizing the situation into something it's not. The reality is that you have moved on, and it was your ex-boyfriend who threw everything you had away. These feelings of remorse and guilt are something you've created out of thin air. They make no sense and cannot be justified.

Be happy with your new life and new boyfriend. You did the best you could, and your ex has no right to invade your new life to make you feel guilty when he knows you're with someone else.

You don't feel you're being fair to him? How about being fair to your new boyfriend, and to yourself? They take priority.
 
I would not be friends with the ex. It seems he's just trying to hold on to something that is over.
 
You cannot please everyone. None of us can. Focus on your new boyfriend. Sounded like your new relationahip is going great. Keep going in that direction! ..| He takes priority over your ex.

Forget about your ex.
 
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