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I couldnt cum

Spazer181

Spazer181

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I have had the same sort of thing. It normally takes me a while with a guy to cum - I normally have to get really comfortable with him in order for it to happen in a reasonable amount of time. I wouldn't worry about it too much.
 
Although I think this experience is mad unfortunate, I think you were just working yourself up too much. You were too nervous, & that's never a good thing!

Your new friend shouldn't think too much about it anyway! The second time is always better than the first!
 
LOL

just because you didn't come doesn't mean you aren't interested in penis. Cause you are.

just try it again if it arises. if you can cum on your own then you should be able to with him....

and two minutes? ouch. >_>
 
Wow... your story is pretty dang similar to mine right now so I thought I'd share it with you so that you know you're not alone I guess, lol. (*8*) ..And my own 2 cents on the issue. I was seriously thinking about starting a thread about this but I figure yours will probably get a lot of the same responses as mine anyway..

Background: I'm 19, have accepted the fact that I'm gay, have hooked up with girls but never felt anything and have never gone farther than kissing, and I hadn't even done that with anyone in a little over a year until recently. Ok.

So after talking on a website for a bit I finally got the courage to meet up with a guy I felt comfortable with. We hit it off, my nervousness wore off, and we didn't even do anything the first night. Second time we meet up we start messing around at the end of the night, and long story short it didn't go like what I had imagined everything being like. I could not for the life of me get hard and THEN is when I started feeling nervous, I hadn't ever even imagined that being a problem. Third time, slightly better but still couldn't get hard. Tonight we were getting pretty hot n heavy and I got hardER but still never even got it completely hard.

So now that's where I'm at, and I'm starting to get a little concerned cause I don't get it! !oops! I've never questioned my sexuality after I finally accepted it so it's not that, he's exactly what I'm looking for physically so it's not that, he's been VERY sweet and understanding so I'm not nervous, I'm not insecure about my size so it's not that, it feels good so it's not that either... I just don't get it?! It kinda frustrates me cause I feel like I'm disappointing him and we're supposed to be at our sexual peak now right? lol I've always considered myself a pretty horny guy up until now that it's the real thing and I need it most.

ANYWAYS... my current thoughts are maybe it's either A) a subconscious thing B) I only get aroused after I've developed feelings for a person.. which is slowly happening or C) I just haven't gotten used to the feeling of doing sexual things with another person/I've built everything up in my mind based on fantasies and porn and now need to get used to the real thing. I'm just hoping I figure it out soon because it's pretty embarrassing. #-o So if you find anything works for you I would love to hear about it too please! :D I would also appreciate ANY suggestions/advice/support/similar stories so I'll be keeping an eye on this thread as well. ;) Good luck man. (sorry about the long post!!!)
 
I've gone through this...getting better now.

I think it's nervousness; being used to too much porn and imagination (there's a "shock" when we go for the real thing and we may be kind of desensitized); intimacy issues.

For me, it's more of the latter put with the 2nd factor I mentioned...this results in nervousness, wich then affects the sexual delivery.
It may take time though...to get used to doing it for real. You've spent so many years only watching it in porn and fantasizing about it that now you need to get used to the real thing.
The first time, it sucked...I couldn't get hard AT ALL, not even once. The 2nd time was better, got like 60/70% hard and precummed.
Then I was making out with a guy, only kissing and got hard. Then the latest guy, we only kissed as well and I got like hard two times while we were kissing and the third time I got semi-hard.

It's getting better but I do have issues with intimacy.
 
Fucker29 said:
I've gone through this...getting better now.

I think it's nervousness; being used to too much porn and imagination (there's a "shock" when we go for the real thing and we may be kind of desensitized); intimacy issues.

For me, it's more of the latter put with the 2nd factor I mentioned...this results in nervousness, wich then affects the sexual delivery.
It may take time though...to get used to doing it for real. You've spent so many years only watching it in porn and fantasizing about it that now you need to get used to the real thing.
The first time, it sucked...I couldn't get hard AT ALL, not even once. The 2nd time was better, got like 60/70% hard and precummed.
Then I was making out with a guy, only kissing and got hard. Then the latest guy, we only kissed as well and I got like hard two times while we were kissing and the third time I got semi-hard.

It's getting better but I do have issues with intimacy.
Click to expand...
Do you mind sharing what adjustments you made, if you made any? I couldn't get hard too. I've been trying to figure it out for months and I think you got it right. Did you quit porn? Toned it down?
 
Welcome to JUB! :wave:

What happens quite often is this. You're used to jerking off to porn, or even camming. Now think about doing one of these things, and you hear someone else coming home. What do you do? Probably zip up, turn off the computer, and pretend nothing's happening, right? :) This sort of puts your brain into a certain mode - "sex is a solitary activity." So when you go to actually have sex...well, fuck, how can you when there's this other GUY in the room, you know? :)

So what can you do? A few things.

First off, just be aware of it. Be aware that it might happen (again). Secondly - and this is key - don't treat it like it's any big deal. Because it isn't. Almost all guys have had issues with their dicks not responding the way they want - either not rising to the occasion, not wanting to finish, or finishing too soon. Just own up to it. "Looks like I'm having a bit of performance anxiety. No worries - I'm still having a great time."

Thirdly, focus on HIM for awhile. Don't worry about what your dick is or isn't doing. Work on making HIM feel good, with your hands, mouth or any other body part. And fourthly, if he's done, and you're still not getting there, ask if he'll try something. Have him sit on the bed, and you sit just in front of him. Have him hug you from behind, caress your nipples, kiss your neck, lick your ear. And you? Just jerk off. Close your eyes if you want to. This may be closer to what you've done before, and might help you get to orgasm.

But - this is most important - just enjoy it. Orgasm or no. Don't try to force yourself into orgasm, because that rarely works. Just enjoy the feeling of him behind you, doing what he's doing, while you jerk off. If you feel yourself plateauing, don't push it. Stop, turn around, smile and say "That was great." If he points out that you didn't cum, just shrug it off. "Not this time. Maybe next time. But it doesn't matter - I still had an amazing time."

Lex
 
This sounds like a bit of stage-fright.

It's like guys who sing great in the car or in the shower by themselves but then choke when someone puts a microphone in front of them and says, "Sing!".

It's a little unfair for you to put yourself in a situation where- as a virgin- you're supposed to perform in the bedroom- on command- like a pro.

The next time, take your time and spend some time with the guy- outside the bedroom. When you're ready, take some time and make out, explore and get to a point where you're comfortable. And don't panic if you're not in the moment. Focus on your partner, his body and what you're doing for him. The rest will fall into place.

As the saying goes, "You have to crawl before you walk".
 
Whether or not you're bi depends on whether or not you're attracted to guys and girls, not whether or not your dick gets hard. Personally I think you're putting too much emphasis on the end result. Foreplay is an amazing thing if you're with someone who's good at it. You might be surprised at the number of places on your body that can make you twitch, gasp, moan and beg for more when touched, stroked, licked and kissed right.

He should understand that you're new to this and you might fall off a few times before you get it right. If he doesn't he's not worth your time and you should find someone who will treat you right.
 
O dude...
I feel sorry for you. You must feel stink!


HOWEVER. It's really common. And it sounds like you have an understanding guy...

Sex is not always like what's presented to us in porno videos!
 
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