I did it

[Markbradley]

I told a friend I was gay. I chose my most open-minded friend and he was supportive and gave me a real confidence boost. He said that he had respect for me not acting like a queen like the only homosexuals I know at my age (18 ) and he told me it doesn't change who I am and that everyone likes me for who I am. I guess it was a nice feeling but it made me feel down cause it just felt like a step into doom, like no turning back after I said it. I really don't want to be gay. I'm scared that this will force myself into thinking I'm not actually gay and just screw me up even more. How do I resolve this?

Also, did I come out right?
I already decided last week I had to tell someone cause it was eating me up. There was a house party last friday so I took it as my chance and chose my friend. We were sitting around a table not yet drunk. He was reading out dumb shit from a human body dictionary out loud, it was pretty funny but I told him to knock it off, he called me conservative and it kinda took me back so I just said 'I gotta tell you something' So I took him outside and we sat on the fence and I said 'I'm only telling you cause I feel I have to tell someone and you can't tell anyone.' Then I just said it 'I'm gay.' which, considering it's just 2 words, is a ridiculously hard phrase to physically form and say.

Is this the right way to come out? I'm considering telling another couple of close friends that he said wouldn't care if I was gay.
What would a public park be like to tell them or my house? I'm afraid it might kill the buzz if I tell them right before we go somewhere or something...

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Is this the right way to come out?

There IS no "right" way to come out. I'd say there are a select few bad times to come out - don't stand up and announce it during someone's wedding, for instance, or just before you hit orgasm when having sex with your wife. And I wouldn't suggest hiring a marching band, or tell a female friend "I'm gay, but if I weren't, I'd totally fuck you". As long as you feel you're ready, and you don't run totally roughshod over the person you tell, you're doing it OK.

So congratulations.

Lex

 

[Audio Tech]

I really don't want to be gay. I'm scared that this will force myself into thinking I'm not actually gay and just screw me up even more. How do I resolve this?

Hey, I didn't want to be gay either. Many of us didn't want to be gay. It just is what it is. For instance, I'm mostly Gay, but there are certain girls I would not kick out of my bed. And that's just fine. Remember that there are no hard rules when it comes to what you like. The good thing is that you are coming to accept yourself early in life. It's no fun trying to hide who you are, only to have a mental breakdown much later. THAT would be the doom you are talking about.

No.... don't sweat it. Be yourself. Do what feels right to you. And listen to Lex, he knows what he's talking about.

Congrats, btw!

 

[swerve]

WOW!!!

Congratulations Mark!!!

Sorry I can't really offer advice -- but it SOUNDS like you're TOTALLY doing things GREAT!!!

The fact that you seem to be AWARE of your feelings, fears, etc -- and can verbalize them is already WAY AHEAD of where I was when I came out at your age...

BEST OF LUCK -- and I'm sure others here that are WAY MORE QUALIFIED than me can offer pointers...

 

[polobro25]

Also, did I come out right?

Most adorable quote ever!! I think I love you. and congrats for coming out! I wish you all the best.

 

[Iniquity]

Congrats, man! Speaking from experience, the first step is always the hardest step, but you did it and that's what matters. As to if you did it right, don't even worry about a "right" way of doing it. I don't think there is one. If it was eating you away, you had the right to tell someone. And you can tell your other friends too, if you'd like them to know, which it seems like you would. Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[ucfknight12]

Those are the two hardest words to say the first time you have to say them. There is no wrong way to come out, but I would have to say you did great Congrats on taking the first step.

As for the not wanting to be gay, I didnt want to be gay. I was raised in such a religious background I was afraid of what being gay actually meant, but once I came out to my friends, they showed me that there is nothing wrong with being gay

 

[Markbradley]

Wow okay thanks guys. I'll probably keep it under wraps for a little while longer. The guy I did tell said I should just text him or something if I ever need to talk.

 

[thisisinteresting]

I didn't want to be gay either but now I'm way glad I'm gay. Girls are too much to deal with! Ahahaha, so are plenty of guys but it's at least easier to figure out what's going on in a guy's head, being a guy.

Good job, man. The first one is the hardest. Well done. I used a text message to tell the first person I told. @_@

 

[Nomenclature]

The first time I ever came out to anyone, it was to a female friend. ..over the internet. . .but even then, it was still incredibly difficult for me. I told her I had something to tell her, and she was like "Okay. . ." I typed the infamous Two Words, but it took me fifteen minutes to press Enter. Even when I DID finally press it, I still wasn't ready; a million doubts and fears ran through my entire being in a split second.

Her response was "Oh, i'm bi."

 

[bbjohn]

I can so identify with your feelings about coming out to your friend. I felt exactly the same--it's out there now--no way to take it back! As if NOT saying those two unbelievably difficult words would keep it from being a reality(LOL). And you are so blessed to have a friend so loving and understanding. Good for you! I'm out to some friends, not to others. I've decided people in my life will find out on a need to know basis. When I think they need to, they'll know, if ever. But that's just me. You have to decide what's the best way for you to handle your situation. Best of luck!

 

[slnattak]

Most guys are gay and have gayness in them, the more society accepts it the more people will be honest about it.... people have a hang-up about it in america because of beliefs that men should be tough and hide weaknesses in themselves (and whats more weak then who you love?) Plus the culture tends to value sociopathic 'hard' str8 porn sex over kind, gentle loving homoerotic sex (not that str8 love can't be soft and gay love can't be hard)

True straight guys are actually rare. People develop feelings for each other naturally. Not a gender thing to me. Not that 'everybody's bi' but... gayness is perceived as weak and unsexy too much so guys don't want to be gay even if they are. It's a complicated issue. And very easy to see why guys hate the gayness within.

In order for this to really go away, we'd have to actually perceive gay guys as cool and confident instead of weak and nerdy. In our mass-conscienceness, I mean. I'm not holding my breath. It would take such a huge social change for that to happen. So it's good that you get individual confidence but as a whole, homophobia won't be going anywhere for awhile. Not to be a downer or anything.