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I discovered my roommate is gay. Should I bring it up?

hotatlboi

hotatlboi

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If it was a situation where you found out secondhand from someone and it was something he was trying to keep private, I would say respect his privacy.

However, since he has advertised himself on a public gay site, I see nothing wrong with mentioning it. It would probably make your friendship even closer in the long run, that is unless you hook up afterward and that doesn't work out, lol.

I would start with coming out to him though, that way he may just do the same and you wouldn't have to resort to the "proof".
 
Either...

1. Go up to him and just start kissing him.

or

2. Send a mail on one of those websites saying ''hey there ;)'' or something...

lol sounds fun, have fun!!! :D
 
midtn87 said:
So now I have proof (as if that matters), what should I do? Part of me wants to bring it up so he knows about me and knows that I know about him and am cool with it. But, part of me wants to say nothing to avoid embarrassing him.
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There's part of your answer- come out to him.

If you've been good friends since middle school and you live together, this seems like something that you would have discussed before now. :)

When you come out to him, that will give him the opportunity to do the same with you.
 
Come out to him. This is one of those rare situations, I suggest jumping on it.

Also, if you know it's him for a fact online (picture of his face), then I would suggest just telling him in person. Hitting him up online may irritate him because you knew but acted like you didn't in person. Telling him in person is so much more quicker too.
 
You're in college now. It's OK to come out to your best friend. Especially one on gay dating sites. Although I wouldn't bother bringing up that bit of info just yet. Just drop the facade, let him know you're gay, and let him come out to you in HIS own time. Then you can either have a good friend you can talk about being gay with, or a guy to have hot monkey sex with. Or both.

Lex
 
I would come out to him, you guys have been friends for years and this if any would reinforce the friendship.
 
Make it a you thing, rather than a him thing. Meaning, you come out rather than confronting him about his profiles on multiple gay sites. If someone came up to me and brought up the list of sites I've been on, man, I'd be pissed/embarrassed/generally annoyed. There's a reason everyone on here has a handle and doesn't post with their real name.

So anyway, come out to him, and then he'll come out to you. When he comes out to you, don't mention that you saw his profile floating about. Its kinda private.

A question I have for you is, did you go onto his computer to find this out? Of the multiple sites out there, and the number of friends I have (and the years I've been on the net), I have yet to bump into one of their online profiles. Yet, not only did you do this, but its your roommate. Would you like him poking into your comp?
 
Halifaxboy8 said:
A question I have for you is, did you go onto his computer to find this out? Of the multiple sites out there, and the number of friends I have (and the years I've been on the net), I have yet to bump into one of their online profiles. Yet, not only did you do this, but its your roommate. Would you like him poking into your comp?
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He didn't say he did this, so I would assume no.

I'm not sure why you find it hard to believe. I found several gay people I knew at college on gay sites.
 
friendlyboy90 said:
Either...

1. Go up to him and just start kissing him.

or

2. Send a mail on one of those websites saying ''hey there ;)'' or something...

lol sounds fun, have fun!!! :D
Click to expand...

Goodness no! I suggest not doing either of these things.

1. Just because the roomate is gay doesn't mean he's interested.

2. Coming out to him in person is a better choice, because otherwise it looks like pseudo-stalking, and/or not having the balls to talk to him face to face. Either one is unattractive.
 
midtn87 said:
My roommate and I have been good friends since middle school; we're now in college. I am not out, and neither is he (and neither of us are out to each other). We're both very straight acting. I was browsing adam4adam, a site to meet other gay people in your area, when I saw his picture on one of the profiles. I searched his username online and found it on a number of gay sites. I have had some suspicions about him for a while, but I didn't want to say anything thinking he would deny it.

So now I have proof (as if that matters), what should I do? Part of me wants to bring it up so he knows about me and knows that I know about him and am cool with it. But, part of me wants to say nothing to avoid embarrassing him.
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i found in manhunt a gym's Friend, i was shock but now that we both are gay, we have fun and have sex, but i don't know waht to think about a roommate, i mean u guys live together it could be odd
 
A while back, I saw the profile of an acquaintance whom I thought was rather cute (but not out) on gaydar.

So I just went straight to the point - told him I was gay, I saw his profile on gaydar, and asked if he's interested in hooking up.

Simple as that.
 
MAKE sure its him tho.. or things can get awkward:S lol but i'm sure things will workout

in my opinion i'd say msg him on A4A :P sounds fun
 
i'm college also...and i room with a good friend of mine...he is bisexual...and im gay...a few things have happened...and everything is ok...just talk to him....there is nothing else i can say...just come out to him...it might take him a while...but he will come out to you eventually...just wait for him to do it...i wouldn't ask him about those profiles...that could be bad...he might think u were stalking him...and that would freak me out if my roommate did that to me...just give it time...but i would start by coming out to him
 
midtn87 said:
Thanks for all the input, this has been great. Really thank you.

To answer the question, no I didn't get on his computer. Just happened to run into him. I'd been suspicious for a few years now, but never really thought about it much. Not interested in him either.
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This ^ for me is the answer. If its simply a matter of being open and honest with him about yourself, then talk to him. True friends are ones that can share and be open without fear of judgment. The fact both of you are gay means that this can only strengthen your friendship... and who knows, he might appreciate that honesty more than you think.

It also means it removes the awkwardness should either one of you fall in love and want your bf's to spend the night... a ways off I know, but it simply means that you guys can move past being afraid of what being gay might mean to you right now as far as your social lives go.
 
G-Lexington said:
You're in college now. It's OK to come out to your best friend. Especially one on gay dating sites. Although I wouldn't bother bringing up that bit of info just yet. Just drop the facade, let him know you're gay, and let him come out to you in HIS own time. Then you can either have a good friend you can talk about being gay with, or a guy to have hot monkey sex with. Or both.

Lex
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G-Lexington, your advice to many, many of these coming out/relationship posts is always sound. I sure hope they listen and learn. Thanks for your support of all of us here. Todd
 
midtn87 said:
Thanks for all the input, this has been great. Really thank you.

To answer the question, no I didn't get on his computer. Just happened to run into him. I'd been suspicious for a few years now, but never really thought about it much. Not interested in him either.
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Didn't mean for my earlier question to sound so much like an accusation (although it might have come out that way). Was just trying to clarify. I've heard one to many stories of "I've just sort of happened across this.." when it ended up being a matter of someone browsing through another's computer history and cookies.

Regardless though, losts of advice has been given, and its all mostly solid. At the end of the day, follow what your inner conscience tells you.
 
I would suggest probably when you are studying in your room together, suddenly saying, 'by the way I didn't realise you were gay', in much the same way as you would say, I see they have painted the hall downstairs.
However he replies, you can act very matter of fact and friendly. There should be no embarrassment nor apparent suprise just roll with it.
 
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