i dont know how much more i can take

[Horschallen]

Be sweet to yourself and take it easy.

 

[G-Lexington]

Perhaps it's time to start formulating a plan?

Lex

 

[chillyboi]

Time will always tell

 

[Eagle653]

You don't have to out yourself all at once.

Exactly. As soon as I realized this lesson myself, the easier life became and the happier I got.

Tell us more...you seem to be out to a few people, right? Who are they to you? (friends, distant relatives, others?). Who are the biggies that you're having nightmares about coming out to?

 

[jJoEd77]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm only out to a couple friends and sometimes i find myself in tears from frustration and fear. But 1big14me is right. JUB can really help. Just knowing that theres people you can talk to.
And like Eagle653 said, tell us more about your situation. I'd really like to try to help you out

 

[D_Pipa]

i told 2 of my best friends from high school recently and besides that no one else that i really ever talk to knows. telling my family is what scares me the most, they arent going to disown me or anything my parents voted no on 8 and have a big problem with parents that dont accept their childrens sexuality. its just the huge shock and it will be awkward, i mean, my dad always says stuff like, "when you have kids you will understand this," and i'm the only son so i'm supposed to carry on the family name and all (to make it worse, im named after him and my grandpa) and there are a couple of my cousins that im pretty close to that are homophobic..im pretty sure they've never known any gay people, they arent bad people, but that part of my family is very christian, and they arent about to say anything but they would probably think i'm just going straight to hell, so while i know my parents would understand, i think a good portion of my family wouldnt, or would be disappointed at least. and it doesnt help me at all being literally the only gay person in my entire bloodline.

but not only that, being the genius i am, i chose to go to a catholic university for college. theres an openly gay guy that lives down the hall and everyone accepts it and all but i can tell they feel super awkward about it--they get all sensitive to certain words and he never seems to be in the group as much.

i dont know, im probably assuming too much of everyone, its just not really something i can help..its kind of a big deal to me.

its not only you. its big deal for all the gay people too.

just tell when your ready.

 

[KingofFaeries]

Don't stress about telling your parents so much. It sounds like they will get accustomed to it fairly quickly. Sure things will be akward at first. But if you want to have kids some day, you'll still be able to have kids through a surrogate or adoption, possibly cloning depending on when you want to have kids . Through surrogate you can still 'carry on the bloodline' and through adoption you can carry on your families morals and values to 'carry on the emotional bloodline'. There is an inevitable amount of awkwardness when we come out on all sides, but for people that are mostly accepting to begin with after the shock wears off and some things are talked about it fades pretty quick.

As to being the only gay person in your bloodline, you're prolly not. More than likely if the rest of your family knows of another gay family member they just don't talk about them much or at all. It is my belief that gay is in the genes. So if you're gay then at least some of your family is gay. Maybe not in the me mom grandma part of the tree, but if you go wayyyyy back, like your great great great great great great great grandma, coulda been a lesbo

I'm with lex a little planning, could help calm the nightmares. Good luck hun.

 

[looseliam]

In hindsight, these mountains will seem like molehills.

I, too, am the last of the male blood line to bear our name. I am named after my great-grandfather. My father's side is ultra-conservative.

But you know what? I live my life the way I've chosen. Those who don't out-right accept me, respect me. Which, at the end of the day, isn't that bad. People can surprise you, ya know.

Look inward. What is it you want? What is it you need? What is it you desire. Answer those and the rest will fall in line.

 

[TrdMrk]

My parents found letters from my ex and pictures of him and I kissing, so coming out to them wasn't necessary. They avoid talking to me about it, but one day (when I was home for the holidays) my mom and I were watching TV and someone asked how you come to terms with your child being gay; my mom, staring directly at the TV, said "just like the rest of us do, you just keep loving them." I was taken aback, but didn't make any move to let her know I had heard her. It took some time, but I guess theye eventually had to come around; regardless or not if I helped or said anything out loud.

 

[PabloZed]

A lot of us have been there and being at a catholic school does complicate things, but if there is one thing I could do over again it would be to come out sooner to friends. Not to family, but I wish I had come out in college. I came out in grad school and it was so liberating. You will always have friends and its great to have friends that you don't have to keep secrets from. And because my experience in grad school was so positive, I decided to actually "come out" in my job interviews. And maybe I was lucky, but I got nothing but positive feedback.

 

[EwanSF]

thanks for the encouragement everyone, its good to know theres an entire big group of people that goes through what i am right now, i forget that sometimes.

im still not entirely comfortable, and i probably wont be for a while, so i know i'll have bad moments again later, but i have been working on a plan, and ive chosen certain family members, and just hearing your stories and how you deal with it is good to know.

Mate, I know how you feel. Good to hear your pullin' a plan together. Wish I could offer some advice, but I stumbled through that side of things in a pure clumsey, unplanned manner, so all I can say is keep yer chin up. You'll be alright

 

[Homoboix]

It can be tough out there. But listen to yourself and you'll know when your ready. It may seem like a long process, but baby steps is ok. No one is rushing you. Make sure you feel comfortable and make sure you tell the right people. Don't just rush into it. Its important to know that you are surrounded by people that will understand you or those you can talk to. A fellow member said that you did take a good step by coming here. You do have people that are willing to listen because we have all been there. I wish you the best of luck. I'm always looking forward to chatting/making new friends so If you want you can always talk to me! Best wishes.

Peace,
Abe

 

[MrWright]

The process of releasing and coming out also comes with an upsurge of emotions. Everything that you hid your entire life and feared to even utter alone begins to slowly be uttered publicly. It's like drawing the repressed unconscious into the public eye and it will be a very difficult time for you. However, once you've fully exorcised this part of you, you'll be far better than you ever were.

 

[cityboi]

If you're financially dependant on your parents for college and they are so homophobic you should not come out to them yet. Focus on getting your degree. They don't have to know anything until you are financially independent, living on your own. In the meantime you can come out to close friends and make gay friends. Your comfort zone will be among those you are out to. Like all others, I went thru the same challenges you are now facing. Now a "few" years older I am out to everyone, meet my friends regularly at gay bars, am a memeber of HRC and other gay organizations, go to gay parades and street fairs, etc. The gay community has a lot of fun things to keep us busy as often as we want to be. Just last night was a cocktail reception for Equality Illinois, tonight is the "main event," a dinner and dancing event. There should be nearly 1,000 gay men and lesbians in attendance. There are gay walking and running and baseball clubs, discussion groups, and countless other organizations. The sky is the limit as to where your life as a gay man can take you.