I don't know what I want anymore...

[secondmonkey]

So, I'm 25 now...still without a companion of any sort. I'd definately say I'm gay since I've never had the slightest interest in females, but more and more lately I'm starting to feel that way about guys too. At 25 I would think I should still have a very strong sex drive, but I'm just not interested anymore. At the same time I feel very lonely, the fact that so many people that I know my age are now getting married is making that worse.

I would love to have a partner. I would love to just settle down and "get married" like my friends. That's kinda hard when you aren't really attracted to anyone. I want very badly someone to share my life with...but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with that person.

I used to be "gay". I've slept around a bit. Used to jack off at least daily...it's weekly now, if that. Not interested in watching porn. I don't really turn and watch when I see a hot guy walk by anymore. I have a "fuck buddy" that I consider way out of my league, and hot by almost anybody's standards...and he'll do just about anything I want with a phone call. He's been begging to meet up with me again, but really, I just don't want to. I don't even know why? He's the sort I used to dream about when I was younger. It's not that I don't like him. I used to be the one begging him.

I would really enjoy having somebody to sleep with...and that's not a euphemism for sex. I just want a good close friend to spend my days with, kinda like when I was a kid. Relationships don't work like that though. I don't really know what else to say....what the fuck is wrong with me? It's like I got neutered or something. I don't know what I want anymore...I feel so lonely, I want to be close to someone...I just don't want to have sex. Has anybody else ever felt this way?

 

[Lostlover89]

You shouldn't feel guilty for these feelings at all, as they're COMPLETELY normal. And you're not alone, I feel the same way. I'm 21 and have had sex with dozens (sadly true) of men. Most of the time that sex is just as some means of curing my loneliness, at least temporarily. I jerk off daily still, but for the most part I wasn't into any of the sex I've had.

The only difference is I don't want to get married. I think people are getting married way too early these days. Like seriously, we're in our 20s. We live for a VERY long time. Expecting to be in love with the same person for 60-70 years is a lot to ask. I believe in love, but I also like to put a realistic spin to it.

In the end, you'll find one person you're attracted to, as will I. We still have our whole lives to find that one person though. Its a little unfair to ask for it so early in our lives

 

[techie70]

I think these feelings are completely normal as well.

Have you had many relationships? Why do you think you you can't have a relationship that is the same as having a close friend? My best relationships were exactly that.

Is it possible you are depressed? Depression can really mess up your sexual energy.

Also sex is great in relationship but it is not the same as intimacy - hugging, cuddling etc. Maybe you are just missing that?

Keep sharing and I'm sure others will also be able to relate.

 

[rareboy]

So get out there and put in the work.

A good partner isn't going to fly in through the window.

I didn't end up with my partner of 28+ years by sitting in front of a computer.

Get going.

Be prepared to have your heart broken a few times but alos be open to a once in a lifetime relationship.

Ok?

 

[Rand]

If you can, get a physical to ensure there is nothing out-of-balance. Are you lethargic in other physical activities? Do you notice a difference in other aspects of your routines or life?

If you are physically fine, then it does sound like your mind and spirit are just taking a break to determine just what you do need in your life. I do hope you find it.

Celebrate your life,
Rand

 

[tipmyscales86]

Honestly, I think you should tell your fuck buddy that you're not interested in sex right now, but that you would like to still hang out as friends. Who knows...after some time, maybe it will turn into more than friends or fuck buddies. But you should get rid of the "out of my league" mentality, and work out some of your self-esteem issues.

 

[Seasoned]

Have you considered that you might be depressed. Definitely get an evaluation. It might be something you could work through with therapy. Depression medication has sexual side effects and should not be taken lightly. I wouldn't accept a script from a GP. Get a psych eval and take it from there.

 

[Bent-On]

Aside from a crush on a high school teacher (at the time I didn't even realize it), I can honestly say that I've never been attracted to another person in my immediate surroundings. At least not to the extent that I would actually want to express myself through sexual intimacy.

I've been idling for eight years now, and I realize that I still can't deal with this whole 'gay' issue. Too many barriers, but on the other hand, I really do want to find someone to hang out with, and start a relationship with -- build something. But do I even know what I'm getting into at this point?

This 'gay' issue is really a curse.

Anyway, back to the thread starter.