I don't know what the fuck to do anymore.

[xboxfan34]

Yesterday, at a free concert, I saw a gay couple. I guess I should be happy that nobody gave them shit for being a gay couple (everybody was probably too drunk to care), but seeing that couple still depressed me. They were two pretty hot guys to boot, one of them looked like Hugh Jackman and the other one looked like former COLT model Pete Kuzak and they were both so adorable together. Seeing them though, really killed my good mood and not for the reason one would think.....

Seeing them really made me look back on myself as a gay man. I'm 19 years old, I'm still a virgin, I have never been in a true relationship, I've never had a boyfriend or even a girlfriend when I was still in the closet and pretending to be straight. I really do think I'm ugly even though everyone else disagrees with me, and I'm under 21 which completely kills any chance of getting into any gay bars in a "supposedly" very gay area of Long Island, NY.

I really don't know what the fuck to do, I'm too much of a fucking pussy to use Growlr even though I downloaded the app months ago. Every time I talk about doing it, my mother always intervenes and tells me that it's better to meet guys the old fashioned way. But I am so fucking lost right now, I have no idea where to meet guys that doesn't include 21+ gay bars and hookup apps.

Looking back, I should have approached those guys and asked them how did they meet and could they give me any tips for a fellow gay man....

 

[bottomboywyo]

Well I met my boyfriend walking through the library on campus. It really happens when you LEAST expect it.

Nothing really is a magic bullet to getting a boyfriend. But I can give you some advice that has worked for me along the way. Because telling yourself you're not going to get a boyfriend is going to turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you talk about how you're never going to get a boyfriend to all the guys you DO meet it's going to ruin your chances of getting one. Or if you let your past define your future you're setting yourself up for failure.

SO that being said a couple things have worked for me.

1. Come out of the closet. Rarely do guys want to date someone in the closet unless they're their closeted too. And that causes problems because you can't go out in public and.... it's just more trouble than it's worth. trust me
- - you can only come out of the closet when you're ready.

2. Subtle rainbow stuff such as a rainbow bracelet or necklace would get the point across. If you're not comfortable with that, it's understandable. But it increases your chances of guys coming up to you.

3. When you see a guy checking you out, go up to him. It's easy to know if someone is checking you out for sure.

4. Patience.

5. Positive attitude and outlook on life.

6. Stay away from drama.

 

[dachsieboy2000]

You are 19 years old. Give yourself a slap and learn a bit of patience. You are not a fucking pussy, you are only ugly if you continue to tell yourself that, and your mother is right. There is no shame in being a virgin; we all were virgins at one point in our life, and that point is not determined by your age. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you are far too young to be wasting your life wondering why you are not sharing it with someone else; go out and live it as if you are absolutely normal, because you are. Growlr is not the answer; I think you need a good hug rather than the loss of your virginity. You will only have that once, so don't waste it.

 

[aaggii]

The first paragraph sounded a bit stupid, to be honest, until I have read your age. You are not the only one thinking this at 19. Things look pretty from the outside, but besides the looks of those 2 guys you saw, you know nothing about them or their problems. And like any couple, they have their problems too.

Don´t look for a relationship, you´ll end up with the first guy who will be interested in you and it might work but it also might not. Besides, when you look vulnerable, you attract assholes who will play with you and will take advantage when you´ll mention you´re a virgin. Don´t get fooled into barebacking!

All you have to do is meet people, have fun, you don´t have to have sex with a boyfriend, it could be with someone you just met and will never see again; everything is possible and only you can decide it. In the meantime, until you will find someone to call yours, just enjoy life, gain experience, again - meet people! But always stay safe, when you meet someone online or IRL for a date, always let someone know where you are and for how long, just in case.

Stop looking at other couples and get jealous/depressed over an image and focus on yourself. In your state you have to be 21 to enter a gay club, then no problem: join some sites - if you don´t like it, you can always delete the profiles- don´t put too much info online and be careful with the pics you´ll post. Also, join some groups, like gays-in-college or whatever you have in the US.

At 19, most boys think the way you do - ¨I´ll end alone, I will never find someone, I´m ugly, I don´t look like your average porn star, no one wants me etc etc¨, but in the end, years later they will look back at how stupid it was to have such thoughts.

 

[KaraBulut]

Yesterday, at a free concert, I saw a gay couple. I guess I should be happy that nobody gave them shit for being a gay couple (everybody was probably too drunk to care), but seeing that couple still depressed me. They were two pretty hot guys to boot, one of them looked like Hugh Jackman and the other one looked like former COLT model Pete Kuzak and they were both so adorable together. Seeing them though, really killed my good mood and not for the reason one would think....

At 19, most boys think the way you do - ¨I´ll end alone, I will never find someone, I´m ugly, I don´t look like your average porn star, no one wants me etc etc¨, but in the end, years later they will look back at how stupid it was to have such thoughts.

.

If you could have seen that couple when they were 19, it's doubtful that you would have seen two out and confident gay men who were able to handle a stable relationship. You were looking at something both of them had probably worked up to.

To add to what aaggii has said, while getting naked with another guy is a very validating experience, it's not a cure-all. Your Mom is giving you sane advice about the value of one-night stands, but what she's not doing is giving you the alternative. There are a lot of people who use apps like Growlr and Grindr for hookups. But there are also a lot of guys who are using social apps because they are like you- they are lonely, unsure of themselves and want to meet other guys like them.

So, maybe the issue isn't that you need to get your wiener wet. Maybe the issue is that you need some gay friends to be with you while you work through the process of being more comfortable in your own skin?

 

[Telstra]

you are only 19, still a baby.
Just wait and see when you are 40 plus ok , then we can talk

 

[checkinthingsout]

1. If you are out of the closet, and in school, maybe check out a meeting or event of the GLBTQI org at your school. If you aren't check one out of a school near by. I am sure they would welcome you and you could at the very least make friends. Making friends expands your network. Expanding your network gives you more dating prospects over time.

2. I wouldn't underestimate what kind of guys you will find on apps. Everyone our age (Im 24) is doing it because it is the world we grew up in. If you state in your profile that you are looking to date rather than hook up, you may meet some pretty cool people through an app. For every 20 guys you speak to on there, there may be 1 good genuine guy you can get to know, and you really aren't losing anything by signing up and checking out who is around you.

3. 19 is still very young however, as I didnt start using the apps until I turned 24, so best bet is #1.

 

[altlover85]

Being in a relationship has it's own set of problems. It isn't always as wonderful as you might think it is. With that said, I can understand how you feel. I also really wanted a boyfriend when I was 18 and when I finally got one, it was great, but very stressful as well.

I think you've gotten some great advice here and I would second joining a local GLBT group and maybe even see if you can find other groups based on some of your interests. Expanding your social network will help a lot.

Good luck!

 

[Seasoned]

You ended your post with a wish that you would have spoken to those guys and I think that's the answer you're looking for. Depending on where you live you may be able to find organizations, social clubs or a LGBT center.

Not all of your issues are gay related. Some just have to do with personality and would be the same regardless or orientation. Plenty of 19 year olds haven't had sex.

I think it's great that you have an open relationship with your mom, but remember she's offering advice from a perceived safety issue. Nothing happens in life without some risk taking. The key is to make that risk as sane as possible.

 

[dale_nx26]

Like someone mentioned, grow some patience. I only met my first and only boyfriend at age 21. Before that I basically thought the same thing: forever alone. Being non-Caucasian made things more difficult for me but I persevered. Meanwhile be less distracted about your single status and concentrate on what makes you unique and excel in what you can do. I "gave up" on finding a boyfriend and, what ya know, I later randomly met my love on a bus.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I'd be amazed if New York didn't have any kind of under 21 clubs. They're here on the west coast, as well as lgbt youth groups. If you can't find them you're not looking hard enough.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/423320-NYC-Jubbers?p=9491037#post9491037

Perhaps you two can hunt together ?

 

[checkinthingsout]

I'd be amazed if New York didn't have any kind of under 21 clubs. They're here on the west coast, as well as lgbt youth groups. If you can't find them you're not looking hard enough.

Seriously. You could throw a stone and hit probably 4 guys with rainbow bracelets in NY. Get on Google and find something to be involved in or be a part of, and once you've found something, commit to going to it!!