I don't know what to do anymore.

[confusedboy23]

I hope that you are feeling better today!

Remember, we are always here for you so don't fret if you feel like you're falling again, just yell out for us!

I might just echo the wentworth's and riverrick's advice - don't rush into another relationship. Allow time to heal you and allow yourself some space to get to know yourself better so that you know what to look for the next time around.

 

[DidntMeanToTurnYouOn]

I am sorry to hear about this. I had gone through a stage in which I had gotten hurt before, in a similar but much more minor way. Given your history with regard to your family and your age, you are probably longing for more of a stability, some sort of emotional support in addition to just sex. Unfortunately, there are some people who would like to take advantage of innocent people like you, and taking you for granted.

I am happy to see that you are letting us know. It is always good to have somebody there willing to listen to your problems even though they may not be able to completely solve your problems.

Have you considered volunteering or finding some part-time work to spend your time in addition to school? They can help take your mind off the desire to look for relationships.

 

[rammeh]

A few nights ago, he asked me if I wanted to see some pictures of him and his new boyfriend.

For me, i couldn't take it anymore. He'd constantly been bringing this person up, as the only topic of our conversations, for quite a while now. hearing about some pictures of him and another guy...? i promptly made some excuse about having to go, and proceeded to not talk to him for 3 days. I ignored his phone calls and IMs for that whole period of time, too upset to even talk to him, because I felt so rejected.

Tonight, he said hi to me again, and I reluctantly replied. he immediately asked where I had been, i told him I was too upset to talk to him, that i didnt want to talk to him. he then said something about me being a little kid, too immature to just tell him that rather than ignoring him.

i tried to open up to him, to explain how i felt. I just wanted him to understand. I just wanted to feel like someone accepted me. How come he can't understand that him having a new boyfriend HURTS me? I DON'T want to hear about it, or even acknowledge that this other person exists...yet he goes on and on like it's no big deal.

So anyway, i tried to talk to him, and explain how i felt, and he basically just blew me off with 'whatever, i have things to do', and left.

I feel so completely hopeless now. the last person in the world I actually had to reach out to is ...gone. all because i ignored him for a few days, all because i was upset and lost and confused and alone...I just wanted someone to be my friend, but nobody cared. Now...it's all gone.

 

[luminum]

You know what, fuck him. People think that being able to handle something as crushing as a break up with unbelievable grace and civility within a short time of it happening is somehow 'mature'. It isn't. It's emotional and painful. If peopel can break it off that well, then they probably weren't too invested in it to care and if he thinks he can wave a new beau in your face and have you handle it fine when he talks to you, he's just stupid or he's being purposefully insensitive.

It could be that he's pulling this 'mature' crap on you so he doesn't have to face the reality that he hurt someone after he used them. And int he end, it'll catch up with him.

Rammeh, you don't need him. He may think badly of you, but it'll get him sooner or later and when it does, you'll be too long gone for him to to try to make peace with it.

So don't worry about him, because he's a jackass and it seems like he never cared about you in the first place. Why reach out to someone who's willing to make you feel like crap for caring about them?

My ex was the exact same way. He expected me to be fine with him dumping me and dating someone new 6 days later. I tried being 'good' about it. But eventually I realized that I didn't feel that why, so why pretend? So I did ignore him. When he asked, I told him I hated him, because I did. It was a long while later that he apologized to me for how he used me and hurt me. Luckily, I decided to speak with him, but if his apology landed on deaf ears, that would have sucked.

So don't give him the satisfaction. Don't feel bad about dealing with the pain he caused you. Because you got hurt and you owe him nothing.

 

[Riverrick]

Luminum's post is great, Rammeh. He's right on the money.

Sadly, when you break up with someone, they cannot be your best friend any longer. Maybe someday in the far future it may be possible, but not now. The truth is that you lost him before today but its been too painful for you to face that.

And so you feel desperately alone, your one deep connection missing. Because of this you try to re-establish it in some form with him and end up sucking up to him. And feeling shitty because of that too.

Sooo....Deep Breath. Head up, Eyes facing forward.

Its time to cut the connection off, Rammeh. And in doing so, face the pain, the loss, the betrayal, and being alone. I suggest trying once again to not talk to him for a while. Come in here and tell us how you feel each day. Don't forget to do that. Otherwise you really will be alone. We'll look for your posts and listen to you and support you. I promise.

Soon an amazing thing will start to happen. You will feel more whole, more together, less unhappy, and once again you will have real hope. You'll feel like yourself again and things will start to make sense to you. Give it some consideration. Take care, Buddy!

 

[confusedboy23]

Rammeh, I'm truly sorry to hear of you hurting. You don't deserve being treated like that, to be treated like a person with no feelings. Unfortunately, we cannot control what others want done to us BUT we can change our lives. It might sound like some far fetched dream especially when we are down, but it is not. No matter how deep the pit you're in may be, you can always count on the fact that there will always be light at the end of the tunnel and there will always be brighter days ahead. Trust me (and I'm sure others will agree too), Rammeh, you deserve happiness and you will find it very soon!

Luminum and Riverrick have pretty much mentioned all I have to say so I will just reiterate the need for you to regain yourself. You need to stay away from him. There is no doubt that it will be very difficult for you because of all those feelings you have had for him for so long, they are deep within you and they will not fade overnight. I am not even sure if they will ever fade from your memory.

If there are meaningful moments shared between the both of you, keep them. I've been told that one of the greatest gift in life is to know that we have loved and experience love and it's not something we should just forget just like that.

Take each day as they come, in stride. There will be days when you will feel 100% but there will be days when you might feel you're drowning. Cry out to us here on JUB, Rammeh, you can count on us to listen and to share your burden. We are here with you and we know you will pull through. You just need to take the first step - cut all connections with him. Put everything of him away - his IM address, his emails, letters, his phone number etc. Put them all away and out of your sight. Don't go looking for it but when you feel down, cry out loud. From personal experience, crying and writing your feelings down are great ways to help one make more sense of things. I've been told that every time you cry, a little bit of that hurt will flow away with the tears. After a few nights of crying, you will notice that the hurt will slowly subside as the tears take them away from you for good. One day, you will find that there is no more hurt, no more tears.

Please DO NOT be alone. Come and post every day. I did exactly that and I am so thankful that I did it because it really did make a hell of a difference in my life!!!

 

[Just_Believe18]

Luminum has explained his personality very well, rammeh. It isn't fair he expects you to take being rejected so non-chalantly and completely changing his tone after finally having your body.

The problem with online relationships, is you can never truly know the feelings of the other, unless you have invested time in real life to get to know them. It is so easy to type the words "I love you," than it is to look someone in the eye and say them. Your "friend" got off on all those nights camming and messaging you because it fulfilled his fantasies. Once he had you, that was all. The spark was gone. Yes, there are men like that. And there are just as many men who can't face up with the maturity that comes along with sex. Sex is great. Sex is what they want. But they don't want to deal with the rest afterwards.

The guy is 22. He is young, he has a lot of options and freedom to go anywhere and do what he wants. You just turned 18. I'm assuming you live with your parents, are lonely socially, and wish you could be around more guys who feel like you. So.. you invested all of your feelings and wants into this one guy. For him, you were one possibility out of many. You were expendable because he could on to the next thing.

You couldn't.

So yes, rammeh. Its going to hurt. Its going to hurt for a long awhile. And even after you get over this guy, you always feel a little hurt in thinking about him afterwards. But the "thousand pounds" on your chest will go away, and there are so many other guys out there who can potentially make you happy. Cheer up, cutie. *hug*

 

[Riverrick]

Hi Frazior. Welcome! JUB has a lot of support and help to offer you. However, you will need to start your own thread in this forum (look for "New Thread") and then tell us a little bit about yourself. You'll surely get lots of replies.

In the meantime, we'll keep this thread for Rammeh who needs his own help right now. Thanks and again, welcome!