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I Don't Know What to Do

  • Thread starter Thread starter antdak
  • Start date Start date
I didn't read through all the posts, so sorry if I sound repetitive.

You've gone 12 years without contact. You've done quite well for yourself.

They made the decision to ostracise you. Not the other way around.

You owe them nothing, in my opinion.

I would send a cordial but pointed letter to your mother simply saying that you're well and would care not to speak with her.

Of, course, only if that's the way you feel.
 
Good for you, Nate, don't give up on people, even when they are family. And don't lay the blame on religion. There are people of faith in all denominations and their are those whose actions betray the very faith they profess. We are all suffering from a deficit of real healers in our world. Why go on grieving alone? Your family cannot have been happy with the breach; I sense that you would welcome a welcoming message from your parents. Do your part and never give up caring.

Peace!
 
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry to hear that it unfolded in such a way, but I'm glad that you were able to build a successful life for yourself. Kudos to your "outcast" uncle who took you in when no one else would. I can't even imagine what that must have been like. As for their Catholicity being the reason behind their reaction...I think it has more to do with the fact that their rich and in the spotlight. Some Catholics go to church in order to be seen by others. In other words, they go to show off how they are such good and devout Catholics. It's about image. Why else would your mother react with "how can you do this to me?" Are you an only child or the only boy? That would also explain their reaction. None of this excuses their behaviour, however.

Should you call your mom? Like everyone else stated, it's up to you. I'd be curious to know why she called after 12 years, but I'm also not a vindictive person. In my case, a guy who tormented me throughout grade school (unrelated to sexuality), but who I very rarely spoke to in high school, contacted me 9 years after we graduated from h.s. You'd think that given the way he treated me, I wouldn't have bothered answering his e-mail. I did respond, we reconnected, we realized that we had more in common than previously thought, and we've become friends. A lot can change in 8 years, so things *may* have changed with your mom.

Keep us posted, I'm curious to know what she wants.
 
...Or you could just recognize her as a casualty of life like everyone else born on the globe.
All the best to you.
 
The ability to forgive is all yours, if that is what she is looking for. However you approach this will define you for the rest of your days. I would suggest that you simply hear her out; try not to do much talking; just listen.

Who knows why she's calling, but it does seem to indicate some desire to re-connect with you.

I wept reading your story; I am so lucky to have had a tolerant and accepting family.
 
rareboy said:
The ability to forgive is all yours, if that is what she is looking for. However you approach this will define you for the rest of your days. I would suggest that you simply hear her out; try not to do much talking; just listen.

Who knows why she's calling, but it does seem to indicate some desire to re-connect with you.

I wept reading your story; I am so lucky to have had a tolerant and accepting family.
Click to expand...

I agree with rareboy.

You are the one who tried to be honest.

You are the one who had to (was forced to) leave in a hurry.

You are the abandoned one.

AND EVEN THEN YOU MADE IT!!

In my view you are the one on the top. ;)

My advice:
Let her talk. Let her tell you why she called you, what she feel about you etc.
You will loose nothing.

When she has finished, you will have your change to tell har about you - especially what you feel and have felt these 12 years.

I say call her (again).
 
You have certainly made up your mind, and it is only for you to make the valid decisions in this deeply disturbing matter. (This is more of an understatement than anything else.)

I have grown to be a proverbial Jewish wife, when it comes to cases of such extreme misbehavior: I forgive and forget, but I never forget, what I forgave.

I would consider normalizing my relationship with my parents to a degree only, if they agreed to pay significant compensations in real and direct $$$$ terms. No butts or anything.

But that's me.

SC
 
Another atom of Uranium:

These are decades of changes. People have looked at centuries-old assumptions and in the course of it all some cling harder to what they thought they could always rely on...
Feel free to quote that if it sounds like it will help.
 
Wow....

I've never been in that sort of situation yet, and hopefully never will (I haven't come out of the closet yet). My mom isn't particularly heavily religious, and has no problem with gay people...I'm just not sure how she'd take her son being gay. Honestly...I don't think you should call her. I love my mom and would do anything for her, so I would probably call her if I were in your situation. But, I don't know how your relationship was with your parents before you came out, either. But, judging from their reactions when you told them, and after the fact...I can't see them ever accepting you-- at least, not sincerely. They may let you come home, or may start talking to you again, but I don't see them ever accepting you as their son, so much as their not-so-happily adopted relative.
 
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