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I dont know where to go from here

djt820

djt820

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Now, here is a bit of an unusual story. Now, theres this friend of mine who's very openly gay. Lets call him Joe. Now, Last year I came out to him because I felt I could trust him and we had recently became good friends. I also asked him out the same day but I was rejected because he said he didnt want to taint our friendship. Then, I only had a little thing for him. Fast foward to now, its an obsession. He is the only guy I think about. Its exceptionally weird because I liked him for his personality because I never thought he was attractive before I actually got to know him, which has never happened to me before. A few of my friends know of my obsession with him but I want to get your input on this.

Now, I used to thought he didnt like (like) me, thats why he rejected me.He actually kind of gave me a few vague clues to come to that conclusion and for the past year, thats what I thought was true (I dont think Im attractive either. Im a little chubby and have some other imperfections.) We've hung out practically everyday since last year as well with my other girl friend, whom I will call Jane.

Lately, my obsession put me in a bit of depression but all of the sudden, I have this feeling that he might have some, very little interest in me and I will tell you why. Usually, when me, Joe, and Jane hang out. Joe sits on Jane's lap. This is normal because Joe is a little guy and theyre REALLY good friends. This has ALWAYS been their thing. Recently, I told Jane of my obsession with him because Im still in the closet. She knew before hand I was gay but didnt know how obsessive I am over Joe. She thought we would be a great couple and said she'd help me if I ever needed it. Now, just today, me, Jane, and Joe were hanging out and Jane said that Joe should sit on my lap and he did. I eventually layed my head on his shoulder and he layed his head on my head. Now, this left me in disbelief because we were never that close and he didnt seem creeped out by it. For the past year, I have been trying to be as nice as possible to Joe. I bought him food when he was hungry. I let him borrow money. Hell, I let him have my Nintendo DS. And before you think so, No, hes not taking advantage of me. But since the Lap incident happened today, I felt a burst of hope. The past weeks, we have become more close. We play-fighted and such and things have been going pretty well.

Now, comes to a few questions. Valentine's day is saturday but Im out of town this weekend BUT, our college has this thing, where on friday, if you order before-hand, they will send flowers to the person to whom you wish. I was thinking of sending him flowers annonymously and see what happens. Also, I do want to tell him Im in love with him and maybe ask him out again but I dont know. Do you guys have any advice? :help:
 
I vote no flowers and no moves on your friend unless and until he shows that he wants more than friendship. What you are taking as signals could very well be simple signs of affection from a good friend. Its hard to tell them apart, I know. But I think you have to stick to his original answer.
 
Well, the flowers were going to be more of a joke really. Me and Jane both planned for the flowers.
 
No on the flowers. If you want to send him a Valentine's card- as a friend- that's fine.

Out of curiosity, do you have any other gay friends? Are you putting yourself out there and meeting other guys?
 
I guess you can say Im being a little more flamboyant but Im still in the closet. And I have other bisexual girl friends but no gay guy friends.
 
It is a nice gesture, but a little much. If he has said he doesn't feel you in that manner, then you should let him make the move first instead of consistently putting yourself out there. You don't want to seem like you uber-obsessed, it lessens the value of your character and we don't want that ;)
 
djt820 said:
I guess you can say Im being a little more flamboyant but Im still in the closet. And I have other bisexual girl friends but no gay guy friends.
Click to expand...

Yours is a common problem for guys who have just come out, don't know many gay guys and are only out to a few close friends.

It's a situation that sets up a crush- and it doesn't matter whether the object of the crush is gay or straight.

Your friend was wise to say that he didn't want to ruin your friendship. He's not dumb- if he didn't know that you had a crush on him, chances are your female friend has blabbed to him about it.

What's unhealthy for you about this crush is that it provides an excuse for you not to get out and meet other gay people and make friends. I suspect after you start making friends and dating, you'll look back on this and realize that it was just a temporary thing.
 
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