I dont know where to turn to...I need help

[DreamFalconeri]

About me: Im in college and i consider myself bi but never really been with a guy besides on time. I honestly dont know how to pursue men and Im not attracted to feminine men.

I recently met this boy who I met cause he hooked up with one of my friends that's a girl. I smoked with him one night and ever since that night we have been friends. My other two best friends approve of him and he comes around often. When i first met him he seemed almost really clingy and the things he would say to me such as how he wanted to be in my life for a long time. He was also on drugs and I felt bad so helped him get off of them. What confuses me about him is that he will constantly say sexual things to me that other guys never said to me. Like he will tell me he thinks Im sexy and how he wants to fuck me really bad. The problem is that I dont know if he is joking or serious.
I honestly would think he is serious if he only said things like that for us to hear but their are times when I'm around my other two friends and he calls me baby and says things like he wants to cuddle with me. The night I realized I might be having feelings for him was a night we got into a huge argument over this girl that he likes and accused me of trying to steal her from him. The next day he came to my room and said he was sorry. I told him that I didnt want to speak to him at the moment and he approached me and hugged me and layed down in bed with me almost spooning me. He then asked me if I thought he was bi. I honestly froze up and didnt know how to respond then he said "im not going to say if I am or not. I'm going to let you wonder." He still behaves the way he normally would but now he says "I'm comfortable with my sexuality.Thats why I could do the things I do."
If he is serious I think he may be the one I really want and if he is joking then its def a sick joke from karma. He has slept in my bed on more than one occassion. Tells me daily that he loves me. He is always touching me. Buying me things. And for those reading and thinking I've known him for years. I've only known him for two months lol. I suck at this and I am really really confused. What are your thoughts?

 

[evanrick]

Ok there are a couple issues at work here. You may like this guy and hes probably bi, but that is another topic. it seems like hes invading your space way too often and the things he is saying is not "okay' just because you are bi as well and have feelings for him. i think hes going about getting to know you the wrong way, but he may not know the "right way" and is skipping a few steps. does he want to be friends or just sex? right now its kinda hard to tell, so why not ask? he may think you welcome these kinds of advances and he sounds kinda immature emotionally..

some things would be helpful to know like are you out to each other, age, etc

 

[spunk-junky]

Whoa. Take a step back. This guy sounds very conflicted. Regardless of whether anybody is gay or straight, or bi, I would say the same thing: proceed with great caution. There is a lot of potential for powerful, emotional drama here. What I would advise you to do is to get to know more gay and lesibian college students/young adults to help you get more perspective. That is the best way to find somebody worth dating: making friends, meeting friends or friends, hanging around places where gay people go. Your school probably has a GLBT organization. Most cities also have centers or programs for questioning young adults. That is where I would start. Good Luck!

 

[jizzinmypants]

Let me say from experience, that I have had multiple "straight" friends that behaved in a similar manner towards me. Nothing ever happened even though there were close calls.

Just let your friendship blossom and see what happens. He sounds like someone that cares about you. Maybe something could happen between you two but you shouldn't force it.

 

[easyroad]

This guy smells like trouble.

His "I'm going to let you wonder" response makes it very clear that he's toying with you. He likes the effect he has on you and gets off on it, while you are left confused because you don't know if he wants you back.

I dealt with something similar, but it was with my cousin and happened 10 years ago when I was 12 and completely unprepared to handle this kind of situation (I even made a thread about it here, if you want more details). Now he has a girlfriend of many years and it looks like he has forgotten all that happened then. So these kinds of games might not necessarily mean that he's into you.

If you want to be with him, you need to put your foot down. Ask him to stop with the games and say it up front if he wants you or not. But a guy who toys with people's feelings... I don't know if he's a good boyfriend material.

 

[DreamFalconeri]

Thank you guys alot. I wanna clear up some stuff that may seem a bit unclear. The kid as far as I know is straight and as far as most are concerned I am straight. The only people that know I'm bi is my gay best friend and my other best friend that is a girl. Other than that nothing is really out in the open.


We are both 21 and both in college. The girl he hooked up with once doesnt like him around and warns me that he is playing us like puppets but its because of stuff like this I don't trust him. Everytime something goes wrong I think of him as the prime suspect but he always proves me wrong, so because of that I am trusting him alot. He tells me things like he has to take care of me and stuff like that but to anyone else it probably would sound normal but to me it just confuses me. It makes me question why are you telling me these things. What did I do? Like when he calls me things like sexy and he says when all else fails with woman he wants me to be the final one for him. When hear him say that all I can do is nervously smile cause I dont know what to say back to that. I even gotten used to him sleeping in my bed that I expect it sometimes. This past weekend he had friends sleeping over his house n he told me that his place is packed and if I would mind if he came upstairs to sleep. Being drunk I told him to do what ever he wanted but he never showed up. Things like that is what confuses me cause I never had a guy treat me like this.

 

[evanrick]

Like when he calls me things like sexy and he says when all else fails with woman he wants me to be the final one for him.

this is probably the most important thing right here. at face value it sounds cocky, arrogant, that you are undeserving etc. but its totally different than that.

i think what he is saying is that "i will sabotage every straight relationship i have as a way to get with you, that way i will have a reason to "go gay" as my straight relationships always fail"

clearly this guy is gay or bi and in some kind of denial. maybe he is coming into these same-sex feelings at a critical time in his life.

i dont think things are gonna work out until he is able to define himself and be comfortable with himself, the conflict is going to wear on you and stress you out. in the long run thats bad.

 

[DreamFalconeri]

both of us just being high lol. idk this is so confusing for me. today i told him i texted him and he didnt reply back and that i got worried for a minute. and he asked me if i was serious and responded yeah. and he said I really love you. but the tone in his voice. its believable but something is stopping me telling me maybe he is just teasing around and is straight.

 

[easyroad]

both of us just being high lol. idk this is so confusing for me. today i told him i texted him and he didnt reply back and that i got worried for a minute. and he asked me if i was serious and responded yeah. and he said I really love you. but the tone in his voice. its believable but something is stopping me telling me maybe he is just teasing around and is straight.

Yeah, if you're in the "you didn't text me back" phase, then you're screwed...

It all depends on how comfortable you are with this situation. If you're uncomfortable, I think you should assertively ask him to stop - or at least be clear about his intentions.

 

[csf915]

I have to agree with the majority of the responses here. From personal experiences, I couldn't advise more strongly about keeping your distance from him sexually.

I may be wrong, but I'm going to guess that this guy has had a very abusive past -- most people with addiction issues who are overly flirtatious and announce their 'sexual ambiguity' are simply looking for attention, approval, touch, love -- things that they never got when younger and crave desperately now. This guy probably doesn't realize his actions are (a) not healthy and (b) a product of his past -- it's usually a pretty deep and messed up psychological issue, and he's toying with you emotionally because you've probably let him in a lot farther than most other guys (or women) have.

Dream, you seem like a nice guy, and are obviously confused with what's going on between the two of you -- that in and of itself should be your warning -- if you're so concerned about this that you're asking our advice, I think you already have your answer.
This guys isn't 'the one' for you. You deserve someone who will not play games and is far healthier, emotionally and physically. This is just my opinion, but I hope it helps you out.
Feel free to private msg me if you want to talk more about it...
Be well.
Chris
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