I think you're just fine... I am the same way. I am 100% gay, but I'm not a fan of anal sex. My boyfriend of one year knows this and is very understanding of all my little quirks. I have an issue with personal space and being touched by people I don't know well. I'm working on it though... and for most of my life, if someone had my permission to get near me, hang all over me, touch me or hug me then they were among my closest friends. Now considering this... my losing my virginity took a while, but my man worked with me for like 7 months to get me to the point where I could let myself be touched by strangers or friends of friends and by that I mean just innocent things like putting hands on my shoulders, hugging me, or what have you.
Then when I realized people touching me wasn't an invasion of my personal space or anything to intentionally aggravate me, but rather simple friendly interaction. I used to back up when people got close to me, and my boyfriend explained to me that it made people think that I didn't like them or like I was aggressive. To me...a touch, a hug, a kiss, or sex is a very personal thing to me. I have a normal sex drive, but I'm was very selective about who I let touch me. I've come to realize that people love me and my personality and most people are very comfortable being around me, so now I take it as a compliment when people are relaxed enough to put their paws on me.
...and I totally get how you don't go out and look for relationships. I never have... I don't fit in with the typical "gay scene" in my area, and I don't agree with rollin' on drugs at raves and bars/clubs and hooking up with any hottie around. I'm still not into a lot of sex, but I love pleasing my guy. He's helped me be a better person, and for some odd reason is madly in love with me. I knew because he waited 7 months for me to ready to give myself to him. I love him with all my heart and soul, and that's the only reason I let him get sexually aggressive with me.
I think you just need to find that right guy for you. I think you might be the type of person that needs to have a trust need met by a suitor in order to enjoy sex in it's full glory. I have standards and so do you... don't beat yourself up for not wanting to be a whore or not wanting to just get used for sex. You obviously don't have a hang up to the extreme that I did, but I think the basic principle is the same. You'll enjoy sex when you're ready and comfortable with it.
~Phydeaux
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