I dove head-first into a relationship as soon as I turned 18. Now...

[ziliphin01]

It's sad you broke up with him. I understand the position myself (23) hes (53) been together 2.5 years. I only get it every second day.. Only, because i love him so much I just stepped up the porn abit to rid the urges and i look around when i need to. Check out the dads and gramps at the local pools changing room does it enough. To each his own though.

 

[thisisinteresting]

^ Yes, it's basically over.

Man... so hard to accept. He's so... sad without me... already. Ugh, my stomach is in knots every time I think about it. Fuuuuck.

It's sad you broke up with him. I understand the position myself (23) hes (53) been together 2.5 years. I only get it every second day.. Only, because i love him so much I just stepped up the porn abit

lol... every other day would be great. I think I've gotten sex twice in a week maybe once. It's like weekdays are a no-sex zone.

 

[Reality101]

Man... so hard to accept. He's so... sad without me... already. Ugh, my stomach is in knots every time I think about it. Fuuuuck.

You did the right thing. It's not helpful or healthy to stay in a relationship to make your partner happy. I had someone do this to me. The day she ended it with me she said she'd been unhappy for two years with me, but she didn't want to hurt me because she knew I needed her. That is 2 years wasted right there. I definitely didn't feel good that she did me the favor of staying with me to avoid hurting me. In the end I was hurt anyway.

It's hard, but you did the right thing. Time will help you both however cheesy that sounds

 

[thisisinteresting]

You did the right thing. It's not helpful or healthy to stay in a relationship to make your partner happy. I had someone do this to me. The day she ended it with me she said she'd been unhappy for two years with me, but she didn't want to hurt me because she knew I needed her. That is 2 years wasted right there. I definitely didn't feel good that she did me the favor of staying with me to avoid hurting me. In the end I was hurt anyway.

It's hard, but you did the right thing. Time will help you both however cheesy that sounds

Thank you for the words, but I haven't done the right thing yet - the idea he has is that we will try to get back together and see if things can work. I want to try, but I don't want to lead him on?

It helps to hear your situation because I certainly realize it would hurt him much more to just drag it on and on because I "didn't want to hurt him" because that's just inevitable going to end in tears.

I realize that this is an unreasonable thing to ask out of most men in their 40s who work 40 hour weeks, to have sex all the time. I guess I should probably just end it and stop dragging him along. Maybe it's cause it's my first relationship and I've never had to end one, but fuck. This is hard. I really care about the man... which means I should end it if I'm even questioning it... asdf;laksjdfa;lskfjas;ldfkjasdf;lkjvdsy475trrghn

I'm worried he's gonna become depressed. I guess he's had issues with it in the past, now he's about to turn 50 and for a lot of people age is a big deal... then he's gonna be alone, he doesn't have many friends, and I will be the one person who can't help him, because I'm the one person he won't want to see. I imagine we might be able to be friends, but never right away. It doesn't work like that.

I know I'm just saying the same shit over and over but I'm just so torn. I've been a part of his life since I was 18 and I've changed so much with him and he's supported me financially (I owe him a lot of money, there's an awkward part to it), supported me morally, made sure I've been fed almost every night for a long time... I know being support financially isn't a reason to keep a relationship going (yeah yeah, sugar daddy whatever), but it shows how much he cares for me. And I care for him. I've just never been good at conflict or hurting people, especially not in a situation where the two people care about each other so much. I would do anything for this man.

I promised myself to live for me though. It's just so uncharacteristic of me to hurt people. Thanks for putting up with my mindless repetitive ranting where I don't really resolve anything, guys.

 

[Reality101]

^It's hard to make decisions like this. Very hard. I think you know what you need to do, but you are afraid to do it. Maybe write him a letter with no intention of sending it. Put your feelings about him and the situation to paper, just for yourself. You may be surprised what comes out, and it may provide you with even more clarity about yourself, your feelings, and your situation. I do this as part of my own therapy with people in my life right now. It really works.

Think of it this way, YOU won't be hurting him by leaving him. He will be hurt by what your growth means for his relationship with you. It's unfortunate, but it's your life and it's what has happened. Now you need to ask yourself some tough questions and make some tough decisions. You are going to grow even more from this and so will he. My greatest advice is to not do what my ex did to me. Do not stay with him out of guilt or to make him happy. You may end up deeply resenting him one day for reasons that aren't even fair because you made the choice to put up with the things that bothered you. I hope this makes sense and good luck

 

[Lube]

End it now but do pay him back. It's the right thing to do.

 

[G-Lexington]

You're not to blame for his lack of friends, unless you told him to ditch them all if he was going to be dating you. You apparently still have friends, so I don't see why he couldn't as well.

You've presented a really good argument for ending it. And now you just need to present it to him. Make it clear that you're not doing it impulsively. That you've thought about this a LOT, but you no longer think it's fair to keep both of you chained to a relationship that isn't really there anymore. Because as much as you might want to get involved with someone new, it works both ways. Having you as a boyfriend (even in name only) has kept him from going out and finding somebody more compatible. It's only fair that you let him find somebody else, too.

Lex

 

[thisisinteresting]

End it now but do pay him back. It's the right thing to do.

Oh there was no question about paying him back. I just thought it would be awkward. I have hang-ups about debt so I couldn't live with myself if I racked up a personal debt and didn't pay the person. I made him tell me how much money he makes so that I could stop feeling bad about it. He's always been too embarrassed to tell me, but I told him he had to give me an idea so I could stop feeling bad about the debt I have no way of paying back right now.

Having you as a boyfriend (even in name only) has kept him from going out and finding somebody more compatible.

Well actually the break we're on goes both ways, I encouraged him to go for it if he found some young cutie he wanted to sex it up with. It's only fair. If I get to...

But, breaking news! We had a really good talk and I feel infinitely better about this whole situation. Got everything that's been on my mind since we started the break out in the open. He said that this was the rude awakening he needed to realize some things, and mentioned wanting to make changes that I hadn't even gotten around to mentioning yet. So I think we're both on the right track now. And I think it'll be a lot more stable and strong of a relationship. We will for sure speak up as soon as anything bothers us in the future.

Really appreciate the help, everyone. I don't think I need this topic anymore.

<3 Again, thanks for the words. I needed a lot of outside perspectives to add to my introspective thought.

 

[Lube]

Congrats and good luck!