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I feel a bit stuck...

Vesariah

Vesariah

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Hello everyone! I've been seeing this guy for a little while now, and he's recently proposed to me. I do love him but I'm not entirely sure if i am truly mature enough to get engaged at 19 years old. I don't know if i'm worried about what others might think or if i have my own reservations about it. I also feel like my mother would never speak to me again if i married another man lol. Normally I dont ask for help but it never hurts to have extra opinions. Thanks boys!
<3 Ves
 
There are no rules about this. Personally, I think 19 is too young, but that's an opinion. If you live in a place where legal marriage is possible I would counter propose to live together to see how things progress.

If he's proposing a long engagement it might be just another way of saying he wants to be exclusive.

As for your mother, with the way things are going with same sex marriage and your openness to it, it's something she's likely going to have to face at some point.

Live your life for you. Do want you want to do; don't do what you don't want to do.

We only know we've made a mistake after we've either done something or not done something.
 
hi Vesariah,

Currently the general opinion within the US about same-sex marriage is quickly changing in a very positive direction, so I would not worry too much about the opinion of your mother.

Your profile indicates that you are 'totally out', so it seems to me that your mother / your family is aware that you are gay. Well, and at a certain moment this will mean that you get a boyfriend, meaning that its not anymore some theoretical item for them that you are gay.

Great to hear you have found him and that you like him. What's his age, and what do you mean by 'getting engaged with him'? Does this mean that he asked you to become his boyfriend? Why not? You told us that you love him, so why not start with becoming boyfriends of each other? Or does he want to marry you? Or has he proposed to start living together?

I agree with Seasoned that there are no prticular rules when guys are engaged with each other.

Good luck and feel free to react.
 
Thanks for the speedy replies everyone! And i apologize for not being more clear. I have been dating him without the knowledge of my family. He has asked me to marry and move in with him. he recently turned 26.
<3 Ves
 
I think you feel enough reservation to voice it and explore it further with your b/f. The first step would be to put the whole marriage thing on hold, not to say no, just to say not now. That's different too from saying not yet. Do you want to marry? Do you want to marry him? Are you both clear and on the same page about what that means for you both? And my opinion: 19 is an amazing age to build life experience but less so for making life decisions. That's not meant to put you down! I just hope you're clear about what you want and that what you want is what you're going after.

Finally, I have to say I believe the difference between boyfriends and serious relationships is the extent to which you are engaged in one another's lives; that means one another's families, friends, and ambitions. He doesn't know your family. They don't know him. And that seems like reason enough to put off life commitments. Do remember, the absence of a life commitment doesn't exclude commitment (however you two define it) in the present moment. :)

Good luck! And be good to yourself.
 
Thanks everyone! I had a discussion with him and we both mutually agreed to put any life altering decisions on hold for the time being. We will be taking things more slowly and maybe revisit the topic somewhere in the future. Thanks for all your input and advice :)
<3 Ves
 
You have A LOT of your life to live. What's the rush? There is so much you are going to learn about yourself in the next 5 years. You will be such a different person in 10 years. If he loves you, he will wait for you. And he won't pressure you.
 
Vesariah said:
Hello everyone! I've been seeing this guy for a little while now, and he's recently proposed to me. I do love him but I'm not entirely sure if i am truly mature enough to get engaged at 19 years old. I don't know if i'm worried about what others might think or if i have my own reservations about it. I also feel like my mother would never speak to me again if i married another man lol. Normally I dont ask for help but it never hurts to have extra opinions. Thanks boys!
<3 Ves
Click to expand...

Just say you are not ready yet and stay as friends with benefits.
 
Just tell him you love him, but you are not ready to be engaged, if he really loves you, he'll wait a few years, if not he is probably not right for you anyway.
 
carlos_hoodios said:
Glad it all worked out :) I was with someone when I was your age (he was 5 years older) and he asked me to marry him. It's a really difficult situation and I wasn't mature or brave enough to say no. Needless to say it all broke down eventually and we split up, only for him to go on and propose to at least 3 more people since then...so yeah, you should make sure you are 100% committed before agreeing to this with anyone, I feel some people don't take engagements/marriage as seriously as they should.
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I'm sorry that you had to go through something like that :( this may sound odd but i just feel like he's trying to put a leash on me cause he had an ex who cheated on him before. i guess im worried he's interested in marriage for the wrong reasons so i plan to wait it out lol
 
Good for you to go with your gut feeling. You are probably correct that at least a part of him wants to control things. That's why I believe 19 is too young for most people.
 
As a general rule, I would say that:

1. 19 is too young. Not because you're not necessarily mature enough - you could be - but because the modern world isn't really designed for 19-year olds to be able to balance married life with their lives.

2. If someone proposes to you after only "seeing each other for a little while", that to me is the giant red flag from hell. Frankly, it sounds utterly demented.

3. He is 26. He's still super young. If he thinks your relationship is deep, strong and long-lasting enough for actual marriage, then he shouldn't have an issue with waiting until you graduate college for example.


...though if I were you, I'd run away screaming, and never look back...
 
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