I feel fucked

[IanRocks]

It is now abundantly obvious that most people around me, including my friends and part of my family, believe that I have a growing alcohol problem. As I stated before, starting this Monday I will take one week off from drinking. I may be wrong, and please correct me if I am, but I feel like if I can go a whole week without drinking then I know that I am in the clear. Another thing I need help with is dealing with my friends. How do you tell them? Do I like what for them to jokingly call me gay and instead or denying it say 'yes.' How do I tell my friends something that could destroy everything I have?

As far as talking to a university counselor, I agree that this is something that I should do; however, because I am between undergraduate and law school this is something that will have to wait for a few months. I do not want to go into law school lying about myself and building another bullshit life. I feel like it is time to grow-up and tell the truth. Without a doubt it is time to come clear about my sexuality, and deal with my fear of death. I never thought the two would come together, but somehow in my tormented mind these two issues need to be dealt with side by side. I drink because I am not grown up enough to deal with my problems and it is my hope that dealing with my problems will remove the need for me to drink two handles of Vodka a week.

As far as the Dammann Twins go, in a weird way they have served as an inspiration to me. I have always loved music but more importantly I find the thought of someone achieving 'total happiness' somewhat reassuring, even if that happiness is a smoke-screen. I have decided to join a gym and starting tomorrow I plan on using yoga and treadmill to deal with my problems instead of completely relying on a bottle of Vodka.

We will see how all this goes; without a doubt all this is so new to me I am trying to find my path. Posting my story, thoughts, and feelings in combination with the advise and support I have been receiving has served to not only provided me with a great deal of confidence but also empowered me to want to seek change. I am much more stable then a was only a few nights ago when I was ready to continue to drink my life away until I crashed. All this being said I am going to continue to provide updates every other day and seek advise from those in the JUN community (Just learned what 'JUB' means). If possible I would like to request advise in how to expose my sexuality friends and how to get networked into the gay community.

Much Love,
Ian

 

[rareboy]

I may be wrong, and please correct me if I am, but I feel like if I can go a whole week without drinking then I know that I am in the clear.

Nope. I've known alcoholics that did the same thing time and again to prove they weren't alcoholics. You could almost see them watching the clock in the last 24 hours and boy did they enjoy celebrating their one week of sobriety with one hell of a piss up. As far as they were concerned, they had proved that they could go without a drink. As far as we were all concerned, they just didn't understand their own problem.

As I said. It isn't about not drinking for a week. It is about not drinking. Because if you are an alcoholic, your career as a lawyer is going to be pretty short. You have to love sobriety and in order to do that, you have to learn to become responsible and to accept failure as well as success and the bitter with the sweet. all without retreating into the bottle or drugs.

Another thing I need help with is dealing with my friends. How do you tell them? Do I like what for them to jokingly call me gay and instead or denying it say 'yes.' How do I tell my friends something that could destroy everything I have?

So what is it that you think you have, anyway? Certainly nothing I would like. If these people are your friends, they probably don't even really need to ask. If they are really your friends, you would know you could tell them anything and it wouldn't change a thing.

So what do you have that's so precious at the moment that you're afraid of destroying?

Sometimes we confuse deconstruction and reinvention with destruction. In the first instance it is necessary to take things apart in order to reassemble them in a new and exciting whole. It isn't that the things were destroyed, just rearranged....sometimes even with pieces left over. This is the core of all artistic endeavour. Think of your life in the same way.

I look forward to hearing that you have searched out counselling and are working on becoming the kind of real person you want to be. I think you may already have taken some really positive steps. Good luck.

 

[just a guy]

It is now abundantly obvious that most people around me, including my friends and part of my family, believe that I have a growing alcohol problem.

As far as talking to a university counselor, I agree that this is something that I should do; however, because I am between undergraduate and law school this is something that will have to wait for a few months. I do not want to go into law school lying about myself and building another bullshit life.


We will see how all this goes; without a doubt all this is so new to me I am trying to find my path. Posting my story, thoughts, and feelings in combination with the advise and support I have been receiving has served to not only provided me with a great deal of confidence but also empowered me to want to seek change. I am much more stable then a was only a few nights ago when I was ready to continue to drink my life away until I crashed. All this being said I am going to continue to provide updates every other day and seek advise from those in the JUN community (Just learned what 'JUB' means). If possible I would like to request advise in how to expose my sexuality friends and how to get networked into the gay community.

Much Love,
Ian

OK that’s a start. Half of the problem is recognizing the problem.

There is a big difference between drinking that is acceptable in University life and what is acceptable out of school. Anytime you get drunk you are out of control. It doesn't matter how long it’s been between episodes. If you continue to have problems with drinking join AA in your hometown you can switch to a chapter on campus or close to campus once you start school again.

I understand your need to wait for school to begin for counseling. Once you start counseling and you start defining problems and the causes of those problems things will be clearer and greatly improved for you. Keep in mind that you are not the only other one going through this on campus or anywhere else. Adjusting to and living with your sexuality is a common problem and lots of people need help doing that. Most people have had to adjust to being Gay because our society although changing its attitude, is not comfortable with Gay people because older generations have taught them not to be. As I said this attitude is rapidly changing. Studies have shown that once people get to know someone who is Gay their fears fall away. This is what will help you with your friends. They know you, they know who you are; being Gay is just one more part of your personality, most friends understand and adjust. Those that don't are really not your friends.

San Antonio has a relatively sizable Gay population you shouldn't have a problem with most Straight people accepting you.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>It is now abundantly obvious that most people around me, including my friends and part of my family, believe that I have a growing alcohol problem. As I stated before, starting this Monday I will take one week off from drinking. I may be wrong, and please correct me if I am, but I feel like if I can go a whole week without drinking then I know that I am in the clear.

At which point...what? It's safe to drink again? You'll never get drunk anymore? Except maybe on weekends? Or when the stress comes back? It's a bit like saying "If I can stay on a diet for a week, I'll be healthy." No. It's not a test to see if you can do it. It's an entire rethink of how you operate. The term "falling off the wagon" exists for a reason, and it tends to apply to guys who managed to go an entire week without drinking.

>>>Another thing I need help with is dealing with my friends. How do you tell them? Do I like what for them to jokingly call me gay and instead or denying it say 'yes.' How do I tell my friends something that could destroy everything I have?

What will it destroy? Seriously, ask yourself that question. What will it destroy? Perhaps you do have a couple "friends" who won't like you anymore when they find out you're gay. So picture this - say they wouldn't talk to you anymore if they found out...oh, that you're half-black. Or that your father works at a grocery store. Would you desperately hide this information from them, praying they'd never find out? No - fuck that. If they're that shallow, then they don't deserve your company. I've got plenty of straight friends. And they're not all tree-hugging liberals and fag hags. Some are PBR-swilling NASCAR fans. They don't care. They like ME. And if your friends are actually your friends, then they like YOU. Not your prospects for a bright future. Not the fact that you're straight. YOU.

How do you tell them? Any way you'd like. I'd recommend individually - in groups, you're more likely to have that "haw haw" mentaility come into play. Just sit down with them, and tell them. "I've been dealing with a lot of crap recently. I've been fighting with my sexuality, but I realize now that I'm gay, and no amount of vodka is gonna change that. Since you're one of my friends, I felt you should know."

>>>As far as the Dammann Twins go, in a weird way they have served as an inspiration to me. I have always loved music but more importantly I find the thought of someone achieving 'total happiness' somewhat reassuring, even if that happiness is a smoke-screen. I have decided to join a gym and starting tomorrow I plan on using yoga and treadmill to deal with my problems instead of completely relying on a bottle of Vodka.

Good plan on the yoga and treadmill. Just keep in mind that "total happiness" is unacheivable. Yes, you can live a happy life - a bunch of us can attest to that. But we all got problems to deal with. But that's what life is - dealing with problems. You wrestle with this one, tackle that one, solve this other one, and here come two more. Going through life thinking tomorrow could be problem-free, or that "if only...then I'd be totally happy" is to set yourself up for a lot of disappointment.

>>>We will see how all this goes; without a doubt all this is so new to me I am trying to find my path. Posting my story, thoughts, and feelings in combination with the advise and support I have been receiving has served to not only provided me with a great deal of confidence but also empowered me to want to seek change. I am much more stable then a was only a few nights ago when I was ready to continue to drink my life away until I crashed. All this being said I am going to continue to provide updates every other day and seek advise from those in the JUN community (Just learned what 'JUB' means). If possible I would like to request advise in how to expose my sexuality friends and how to get networked into the gay community.

This is really good to hear. As far as "networking", well, that'll depend. I know that lawyers tend to network and form "old buddy networks" and so forth. And for good reason - great for the career. But homosexuals are less so. Yes, there are gay clubs and groups and activities and bars. But it's not homogenous by any stretch. Many gays don't take part in any of them. If you'd like to, especially as a means to meeting other gays with similar interests, by all means, go for it! But don't feel it's something you have to do. There's probably a LGBT group on campus - that might be the easiest place to start. Or, if you'd rather not wait that long, Google "san antonio gay (whatever)", and see what comes up. Bike clubs, bowling leagues, volunteer groups - you're sure to find something or other.

And your timing is a bit poor. JUB just had a "local meet-up", where a bunch of JUBbers got together to hang out. Guess where? Uh-huh.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

It is now abundantly obvious that most people around me, including my friends and part of my family, believe that I have a growing alcohol problem.

As far as talking to a university counselor, I agree that this is something that I should do; however, because I am between undergraduate and law school this is something that will have to wait for a few months. I do not want to go into law school lying about myself and building another bullshit life.

Rethink this. You need to get it together before you start law school. Grad school will drive you to drink. Sober up, detox and get your shit together before you go or else you're not going to make it through.

 

[EvilForce]

I may be wrong, and please correct me if I am, but I feel like if I can go a whole week without drinking then I know that I am in the clear.

One week really doesn't prove anything, other than help you realize that yes, you can go thru day to day life without booze. Going 6 weeks without a drink is a standard measurement time frame to figure out if you may or may not have an alcohol problem. My suggestion with the 7 or 10 day "on antibiotics" excuse, was a way for you to at least set an achievable goal of getting off the booze. Being in a frat house at college, and promising yourself you will never ever drink again a pretty big hurdle. Baby steps. Day by day.

Another thing I need help with is dealing with my friends. How do you tell them?

Depends on what kind of friend they are. If they are a really good friend, take them aside where you can be alone, and tell them. Something along the lines of, "I feel like we are close friends, but I haven't been feeling very good about myself by keeping up a fake front. I'm gay. I'm scared shitless and needed to tell someone, and just need to get all this bottled up agony out".

How do I tell my friends something that could destroy everything I have?

Not to be blunt or rude, but you got nothin. It's all false bullshit. It's nothing real. It's not built on anything real. It's like destroying a stage prop. Meh. It wasn't real to start with.

Without a doubt it is time to come clear about my sexuality, and deal with my fear of death.

My guess is you are so terrified of dying, because you've never bothered to start living yet. Now you are almost 1/3 of the way thru your life, and you've not yet begun to live for yourself. I know some men that did this until they were 40 and 45. Wasted well over 1/2 their life living a lie and a bullshit fascade.

I drink because I am not grown up enough to deal with my problems and it is my hope that dealing with my problems will remove the need for me to drink two handles of Vodka a week.

Two handles of vodka is just about a gallon of booze a week. 128 oz, or 128 standardized drinks / beers per week. Over 18 beers / drinks per day. I'm going to also bet you have other alcohol elsewhere, at friends houses or a beer here and there, so you're alcohol intake is probably even higher.

You sound a lot like my uncle. He killed himself with booze. He was too afraid to live, yet to scared to put a gun into his mouth and end it quickly. Instead he killed himself slowly, every day, for 15 years. I suggest you spend some time on the 'net seeing what people who die of liver disease go thru and look like. Stop being so afraid to live.

I find the thought of someone achieving 'total happiness' somewhat reassuring, even if that happiness is a smoke-screen.

So you are reassured because someone else can put up a bullshit veneer of untruth as being achievable??? You have to stop buying into this delusion. I'm not sure where Western society got off on this seeking complete and total happiness delusion. You cannot have happiness without sadness. You cannot have ups, without downs. Being in a state of happy orgasmic bliss 24/7/365 isn't possible. This is life, not some drug.

I am much more stable then a was only a few nights ago when I was ready to continue to drink my life away until I crashed.

So again, you were on (still on) a self-destructive bender. You're trying to implode your life. At what cost? Which is better, ending up in the hospital, kicked out of school, lose all your friends, hurt your family, have a full blown addiction issue, and damage your body OR you can just come clean about your sexuality and a couple of "friends" you'll find out weren't really friends at all, and others step up to help you, and you ACTUALLY become better friends because finally for once you're being honest with them.

Hmmm......so which path you going to choose?

 

[IanRocks]

"Two handles of vodka is just about a gallon of booze a week. 128 oz, or 128 standardized drinks / beers per week. Over 18 beers / drinks per day. I'm going to also bet you have other alcohol elsewhere, at friends houses or a beer here and there, so you're alcohol intake is probably even higher."

I have never done the math on my drinking, but am I really drinking the equivalent of 18 beers a day? If so then this is way more of an issue than I thought. I have never lied to anyone, on the message board, that I am using alcohol to help me forget my problems and deal with issues pertaining to my sexuality. I honesty do not believe I am an alcoholic, but I know that I am coming damn close to becoming one.

Of course, I am afraid to live life. But I am taking big steps toward achieving some sort or realism. I know that I will never be 100% happy, no one is, but I also know that I should try to achieve the most happiness possible. Since posting on this message board I am slowly coming to terms with what i must do, and I accept the fact that I may need to be in an altered state of mind when telling people the truth.

As I stated before starting Monday I will quite drinking and I plan on stopping using all pain pills soon. Over the next three days I will be telling a few of my closest friends the truth; and for as unreligious as I am, I am praying for a for acceptance. I plan on keeping everyone updated and seeking the support of those who I have never meet. I want to end by noting I am not gay because I drink, I drink because I am gay. I believe that telling people the truth will kill two birds with one stone. My biggest fear is that telling people the truth will get me killed with to stones.

As always, Much love,
Ian

 

[EvilForce]

"Two handles of vodka is just about a gallon of booze a week. 128 oz, or 128 standardized drinks / beers per week. Over 18 beers / drinks per day. I'm going to also bet you have other alcohol elsewhere, at friends houses or a beer here and there, so you're alcohol intake is probably even higher."

I have never done the math on my drinking, but am I really drinking the equivalent of 18 beers a day? If so then this is way more of an issue than I thought. I have never lied to anyone, on the message board, that I am using alcohol to help me forget my problems and deal with issues pertaining to my sexuality. I honesty do not believe I am an alcoholic, but I know that I am coming damn close to becoming one.

Of course, I am afraid to live life. But I am taking big steps toward achieving some sort or realism. I know that I will never be 100% happy, no one is, but I also know that I should try to achieve the most happiness possible. Since posting on this message board I am slowly coming to terms with what i must do, and I accept the fact that I may need to be in an altered state of mind when telling people the truth.

As I stated before starting Monday I will quite drinking and I plan on stopping using all pain pills soon. Over the next three days I will be telling a few of my closest friends the truth; and for as unreligious as I am, I am praying for a for acceptance. I plan on keeping everyone updated and seeking the support of those who I have never meet. I want to end by noting I am not gay because I drink, I drink because I am gay. I believe that telling people the truth will kill two birds with one stone. My biggest fear is that telling people the truth will get me killed with to stones.

As always, Much love,
Ian

Oh dear. You have a pain pill addiction too? Oh pumpkin. You have some serious issues to work on. Pain pills are even worse than alcohol for addiction.

As far as 18 beers a day. Yes...that's how much you are drinking the equivalent of. One 12 oz beer = 5 oz of wine = 1 oz of hard liquor 80 proof. How much APAP (Tylenol) are you taking with your pills per day? You taking Vicodin 5/500? 10/500?

 

[IanRocks]

I did not mean to insinuate that I have a pain pill addiction. I take them every now in than for fun, once a week at most. Second of all I do not take Tylenol or any pills containing Tylenol as that is extremely dangerous to anyone who may drink in excess. I was not trying to add more issues to my life story. For the first time in my life I have been completely honest and have set a plan of action to make everything better. I am just hoping I can implement the plan and maintain a level of stability.

 

[EvilForce]

I did not mean to insinuate that I have a pain pill addiction. I take them every now in than for fun, once a week at most. Second of all I do not take Tylenol or any pills containing Tylenol as that is extremely dangerous to anyone who may drink in excess. I was not trying to add more issues to my life story. For the first time in my life I have been completely honest and have set a plan of action to make everything better. I am just hoping I can implement the plan and maintain a level of stability.

Ah. Be very careful with pain medication. That's an addiction that grab you very hard, very quickly.

But as a side note, most all pain medication has Tylenol in them. It is the higher number on the bottle. So Percocet or Vicodin come in strengths. 5/500 means 5 mg of pain med, 500 mg of Tylenol. 7.5/750 Vicodin ES has 7.5 mg of pain med (hydrocodone) and 750 mg. of Tylenol. Just so you know.

 

[IanRocks]

Ah. Be very careful with pain medication. That's an addiction that grab you very hard, very quickly.

But as a side note, most all pain medication has Tylenol in them. It is the higher number on the bottle. So Percocet or Vicodin come in strengths. 5/500 means 5 mg of pain med, 500 mg of Tylenol. 7.5/750 Vicodin ES has 7.5 mg of pain med (hydrocodone) and 750 mg. of Tylenol. Just so you know.

I know, but lucky for me I in San Antonio near the Mexico boarder and all that can be purchased as in forms without Tylenol. Honestly I could go the rest of my life with out pain pills, assuming that me and my frat brothers never wrestle again (I will save that story for another day). My goal right now is to deal with my sexuality and I think that after dealing with that my drinking problems will take care of themselves. Right now I am trying to figure out how to tell people I am gay and still maintain friendships. I am also trying to figure out how to get networked into the local gay scene so I can attempt to establish a 'new life.'

-Ian

 

[Lube]

Maybe it was the alcohol or the feeling of empowerment that I have received from reading this form and other stories on-line, either way five days ago I came out to three of my closest friends. Today I feel fucked, so very very fucked.
...
I think my parents know, as they have both slipped up and made simi-derogatory statements along the lines of me not being straight. They talk about how they are cool with others making their own life chooses but are violently against marriage and quick to insult celebrities that are of a different sexual orientation. That being said they are supportive of me and my siblings having non-straight friends and respect them as will as enjoy their company. Not only could I not survive without my parents financial support, but I would rather die than risk loosing their love and moral support.

So, why do you feel fucked? Did those original 3 friends you told tell other people? Did they reject you? Or are you just worried that they might tell other people. What happened?

I've never had an addiction, so I'll pass on any advice on that.

Yes, you need help for your addictions.

As others have said, why do you want acceptance and "moral support" from parents who don't know who you really are (although they've apparently left clues that they do know who you are)? Are they born-again Christians or something? They sound fairly liberal. They already know--tell them. Tell them with confidence in your voice, not a wishy-washy "maybe I'm bi" story. Give them time to adjust, but eventually you must demand that they accept who you are.

Good luck.

 

[Lube]

My goal right now is to deal with my sexuality and I think that after dealing with that my drinking problems will take care of themselves. Right now I am trying to figure out how to tell people I am gay and still maintain friendships. I am also trying to figure out how to get networked into the local gay scene so I can attempt to establish a 'new life.'

-Ian

Oh, jeez.

1. Your drinking problem will not take care of themselves.
2. Don't worry about maintaining friendships. The universal theme in all coming out stories is that you must get angry enough to say "FUCK THE WORLD. I AM WHO I AM." Coming out means being strong enough to accept the possibility that all family & friends will reject you. Of course, you hope that they won't all reject you, but you need to prepare mentally for that possibility: Rejection by everybody.
3. There is not secret local gay scene. If anything, the gay "scene" is getting weaker by the day, as gays find that straight people accept them more and more (many gay bars are going out of business). Do you like going to bars? Go to a gay bar. Don't like going to bars? Just do what you like to do, and subtly let people know you're gay. Don't walk up to them and introduce yourself as, "Hi, I'm Ian and I'm gay!". No. Instead, put a rainbow or Human Rights Campaign sticker on your car or sports equipment or notebook.
4. Also, you act like gays are unheard of. You're in college; they should be everywhere. Are you at a Christian university? Do you not have any gay friends? Do you diss gays with your frat boys?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Right now I am trying to figure out how to tell people I am gay and still maintain friendships. I am also trying to figure out how to get networked into the local gay scene so I can attempt to establish a 'new life.'

There's a weird sort of dichotomy to your posts. You're seem petrified of losing anything from your previous life, but almost eager to start a "gay" life, as well. I'm not saying you can't do both, but it's not necessary. Being gay means one thing, and one thing only - the people you like to have sex with have dicks. That's IT. You don't get rainbow short-shorts and a Cher CD with admission. You can still put on your grey suit and dark blue tie, go to work, do your thing, go out after work, have beers with the guys at Hooters and cheer for the Astros, then go home and fuck your boyfriend (or have your boyfriend fuck you, or both). And you don't have to "live a double life" to do it. I've got season tickets to a contact sport, and I go and scream my head off and hurl obscenties at the refs. And yes, the people I go to the games with know I'm gay. Hell, I have drinks with some of the players after the game, and THEY know I'm gay. Guess what? They don't fucking care.

If you feel meeting some other gay people might help you feel more comfortable with yourself, then sure - go meet some. But you don't need a "gay life", any more than you need a "left-handed" life or a "blonde" life. It's just an aspect of you.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

Ian,

You are ssooooooooooooooooooooooooo in need of professional counselling as well as AA.

You are in denial over your addictions.

Once you come out and find that you still need to drink and get buzzed because the world really hasn't changed so much, your life is gonna be downhill from there.

I'll bet that every time someone doesn't take you being gay very well, you'll drink. Every time they do take it well, you'll drink.

I was stunned to read how much you drink.

And you don't have cirrhosis yet? The way I see it, there's no need for you to be afraid of death because you're already about halfway there.

Two requests though.

If you are going to continue to be a drunk, could you make sure that it is only your life that you ruin and not those of everyone around you? And please don't drive and kill someone else.

 

[IanRocks]

So it has been almost two weeks since my last post and I would like to provide some updates.

All about drinking:
Beginning June 13th I quite drinking, smoking and taking pain pills. By all accounts I have been successful in this endeavor with the exception of two nights when I was out of town and went to clubs, and chose to drink. While I am not jumping into AA, I have taken steps to correct the underlying issue that have caused me to turn to drinking. At no time have I ever driven while intoxicated, as most of the time I am drinking at my own place or at the frat house where I pass out on the coach. As of now I plan on continuing to work hard to reduce the amount I drink each week, which includes limiting my drinking to one day a week.

All about telling people:

Over the past two weeks I have told four more of my closest friends, they have been nothing but supportive. Most of my initial fear has subsided and that in connection with my improved mental capacity, thanks to a reduction in my drinking, have allowed me to think much more clearly and rationally. Whither it is good or bad, popularity and friends have always been highly important to me. While I have a few gay friends (Who I am now seeking advise from), and I am surprised by how happy they are with their decision to ‘come out.’ Most of my fear steams from my friends in my frat’s view of those who are gay. At this time I think it is best to keep them in the dark.

I have a strong desire to define myself; I have spent too long denying who I am and I want to be honest with myself and those I love. But, I want to do this without taking any risk or suffering any consequences. In English, I want all the good and none of the bad. I am a realist and I know that this is not possible. My major concern is how my family would react, and yes they are Texas conservative. I think the smart money is on, dealing with my sexuality through the assistance of my closest friends and than figuring out if I need to have ‘the conversation’ with the parental units.

All this being said, I truly do have a mental dichotomy occurring in my mind. I love my life, it is nearly perfect, I just wish I could be with a really hot guy and still live my life as it is. Lex, you are completely right about how I can still be myself. No doubt that I will still go to as many Spur games as possible, and continue to appreciate a good beer (once a week).

The conclusion:
I cannot believe how much I was drinking, and in hindsight, this was unhealthy and stupid. I unable to change the past, but I am working hard on the future. I am seeking comfort from my friends and succeeding controlling drug use. I plan on updating this thread every few weeks with what is going on, and I truly do appreciate your constant support.

 

[G-Lexington]

Sounds like you're on the right path, and you're making some good steps. I'd keep working on bringing the drinking down, though, at least to the point where you aren't "passing out". Ever.

Your parents can wait. Especially since (most likely) they hold the keys to financing your education. You can save that for later.

I'm trying not to let any generic "anti-frat" feelings get in the way, but I can't help but feel that your fraternity seems to be more of a problem than a boon to you right now. It's one of the remaining places that you drink (and pass out). Although you don't say, I can't help but feel that it's somewhat expected of you there. And secondly, your fellow frat brothers are the ones you're most scared of telling.

See, your - well, I'll go ahead and call them your "real" friends - have been really supportive. That's because they're your friends. That's what they do. They like you because they think you're a cool, worthwhile person.

Your frat brothers like you because it's in the charter.

This isn't to say you can't have some "real" friends in the frat - you certainly can. But there's gonna be that extra layer of insecurity. They end up being like that kid down the street whose mother makes him play with you once a week. Yeah, he'll do it, but you're stuck wondering - if his mom didn't make him, would he still do it?

Again, I'm not out to "bash the frats". There's nothing intrinsically wrong with fraternities. But don't let the wants and expectations of your fraternity take precedence over what's best for you. Don't go getting drunk because "that's what we do on Wednesdays". Don't stay in the closet because the president of the frat calls people "fag" all the time. Your needs are paramount. If ever you feel forced to choose between who you are, and who they feel you should be, tell them to accept you as you are or accept your resignation.

...passed out on the coach. If that's truly the case, I'm pretty sure they already know.

Lex