I feel like a slut

[Gekishinken]

Hi all. I want to preface this post by realizing that what i'm doing is not healthy. I will be the first to admit this.

I'm a 25 year old gay male. I moved to Washington, DC about 8 months ago and have been miserable since I got here. I don't make enough money to live, don't really have many friends, am not a party person so feel there isn't much to do here and to be perfectly honest, I feel lonely a lot. The reason I moved here is because I was living in an economically depressed part of the US and DC had a much stronger job market.

As an outlet, i've turned to having sex with people, mainly from mobile apps like Grindr and Jack'd.

Prior to moving to DC, I had had sex with 3 different people, one of which was a long-term relationship.

Since moving to DC, i've had sex with 11 more people, for a grand total of 14. If you include people that i've solely made out with and masturbated with, the number of people i've hooked up with in DC increases to 15 or 16.

I can make all kinds of excuses, like not having had a "sleep around" phase in college or "being far away from home and going wild", but i'm not going to. I accept that i've done what i've done. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't done it, but I did. I guess, to an extent, I just believed that I should be having sex because everyone else was.

Recently, some people that I have met or gone on dates with have "slut shamed" me for what i've done, which makes me feel even worse about myself.

I realize that I probably should go talk to a therapist and get diagnosed with depression, but I simply can't afford to right now. My rent is $1129 per month, my income isn't high enough (though i'm trying to correct this by getting a new job) and my parents are giving me additional money each month to help with the bills.

I guess my reason for posting this is just that I wanted to know if there was something wrong with me for having sex with different people?

 

[KaraBulut]

The issue isn't the number. The issue is the motivation and the way that it makes you feel.

A common theme to depression and addiction issues is "I was feeling down, so I went out and... I felt better for a while but after it was over, I felt worse than ever"- whether it's a binge-drinking/hangover cycle or an NSA-sexual-encounter/post-orgasmic-regret cycle. The key, as you have already surmised, is to break the cycle and address your underlying depression.

You're already asking your parents for financial assistance. Why don't you ask them to help you with the cost of a therapist? Assuming you have health insurance, the cost of therapy should just be the copay.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

No, there's nothing wrong with you for wanting sex with different people. I think it's glorious. Those slut-shamers are stupid ungrateful idiots.

But be safe.

 

[Gekishinken]

One thing I want to add, that I didn't in my initial post is that I am always safe. I never have sex without a condom and always put a new condom on if the other guy either loses his erection or the condom comes off. I've also never had an instance where the condom broke.

I was tested in September (did Oraquick) and was negative. I'll do another test in March or April.

 

[sixthson]

Since it bothers you so much what your dates have said to you, it sounds like you are not really ok with it either. It sounds like you feel you are using others sexually for a temporary relief of your general misery.

Take care of yourself and please do seek out help soon before you sink lower into depression. Good luck, man.

 

[dereperez]

It's all relative. You're not a slut for sleeping around. You are an adult and you are your own man...you get to have sex if you want to. I agree with the others that you should seek therapy sooner rather than later. Your parents should be able to help you out with the therapy costs if you open up to them on how you're feeling.

 

[KaraBulut]

Since this hasn't been discussed before in this forum, it's worth mentioning since it may be relevant to this thread:

Effective Jan,2014 the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare) requires that mental health and preventative services be covered under regular health insurance plans. Before this change, insurers often didn't cover individual or group therapy under the medical coverage on plans.

Because of this expansion, if you have health insurance (or you are still covered on your parents plan until age 26), you should be able to see a therapist and pay only the normal copay and deductibles.

 

[Benvolio]

Since this hasn't been discussed before in this forum, it's worth mentioning since it may be relevant to this thread:

Effective Jan,2014 the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare) requires that mental health and preventative services be covered under regular health insurance plans. Before this change, insurers often didn't cover individual or group therapy under the medical coverage on plans.

Because of this expansion, if you have health insurance (or you are still covered on your parents plan until age 26), you should be able to see a therapist and pay only the normal copay and deductibles.

I do hope you are mistaken. It is alarming to think that the Federal government might force some people to pay higher premiums so that others can be cured of "feeling like a slut". I fear that you may be right, and it does not bode well for the future of medical care. This illustrates the unsoundness of requiring insurance companies to pay for therapy. The money must come from premiums paid by other people, and the need for "therapy" and when the need ceases are largely subjective guesses by the therapist.

 

[IceColdLover]

I feel you. I'm going through a slut phase and can't get my mind off hookups, porn and gay sex. Just make sure you're using protection when hooking up and make sure you get tested regularly, same goes for the guys you're having sex with.

 

[eastofeden]

I'd send the slut shamers to therapy before I would send you. I don't think you did anything to be ashamed of.

The depression, however, is something that can and should be addressed. I would suspect the job/living situation are huge contributing factors.

 

[mbamike]

You are not a slut and have no need to be ashamed about having sex with multiple sex partners. At 25, it is normal for you to have a strong sex drive. You are smart about playing safe and getting tested regularly.

The guilt or depression you feel could come from a religious upbringing or your current situation in a new environment. Once you acclimate to your new environment and get a better job, you should start feeling better about yourself. I agree talking with a professional will help.

You are not alone. I have had sex with more than 16 guys and looking for more. I do not feel ashamed about my behavior one bit. I think about sex frequently and always on the prow. Like you, I play safe and get tested regularly. I am wishing you the best.

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

If that's what you call being a slut, then I shudder to think what I am/was. I'm 22 and over the course of a year my number dwarfs yours. But all comparisons aside, just be safe, get tested and remember to NEVER use sex as a means to shelter yourself from reality: have it because it feels fucking great!

 

[Kenmichael]

All u got is 16? My body count is waaaaaaaaaaaay more lol...

My advice is to put ur energy into bettering ur quality of life and to find one person u can hook up with on the continual basis. And be mindful that U can still catch an std even with a condom.